Plane Jokes
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What did one plane said to the other plane?
Can I crash at your place
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What do you get if you push a piano out of a plane over a military base?
A flat major
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What do you call a plane on a secret mission?
In disguise.
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What was the last thing that went through JFK Jr's mind when his plane crashed?
The console. What was JFK Jr's wife drinking when the plane crashed? Ocean Spray.
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Why didn't Edward get on the plane?
Cause it was snowed-in.
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What did you have on the wings of your plane?
Holes mostly..."
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Why are planes strong?
Because they can LIFT
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What did the flight attendant say to get the attention of the plane full of Kim Basinger clones?
Attention Basingers" hahaha
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What do you call a black man who flies a plane ?
A pilot, of course.
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What's the worst thing to say to a friend you see on a plane?
Hi Jack!
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Why is Peter Pan on the No-Fly list?
Whenever he boards a plane it neverlands
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What do you call an Asian flying a plane?
A pirate.
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What do you call a pilot who tries to tell a joke but gets distracted and crashes his plane into a building?
A comickaze
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Why did I throw my phone out of my window?
Because I turned on airplane mode, and thought it would turn my Iphone into a plane...
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What happened when the communists took over the airport?
The planes kept Stalin.
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What time is it when planes start dropping engines?
Shedding season
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What does Michael Vick do in a plane?
Have a dog fight.
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What's the difference between linearly independent vectors and the World Trade Centre?
You can't put a plane through linearly independent vectors
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Why were the Twin Towers upset?
They ordered pepperoni but they got plane
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Why are air hostesses bad at dating?
Most men aren't interested in **plane** women.
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Why does the communist party hate planes?
Because they're always Stalin
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What's a good movie?
Me: "Snakes on a plane" Friend: "Whats it about " Me: "Horses... horses on a boat"
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What's the worst thing about a September harvest?
Finding a plane in your field.
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What did the pilot say when his plane wasn't flying?
Aw man, that's a drag."
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Why did King Kong go to the airport?
He had a plane to catch.
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What makes the Japanese better than Al Qaeda?
At least the Japanese were considerate enough to bring their own planes
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What does a vulture bring onto a plane?
Carrion luggage
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What do you call a Mexican that flies a plane?
A pilot, you racist!
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What did the left tower say to the right tower?
I gotta catch a plane
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What do you get when you cross a snake with a plane?
A boeing constrictor
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Why did the flight from Warsaw to Moscow crash?
There were Poles on the right half of the plane.
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What do you call Japanese people that fly planes?
Pirates.
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Why were the people in the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni, but all they got was plane.
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Why did the terrorists have to blow up a Paris nightclub?
Because their planes kept missing the Eiffel Tower.
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Why did the identical twins survive the plane crash?
Because twins being destroyed by planes is too cliche, I guess.
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How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon?
Intersect it with a plane.
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What do you call an asian who flies planes?
A pilot.
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What do you call a middle eastern man flying a plane?
The Pilot, you racist.
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Why didn't the Photon have any luggage on the plane?
He was Travelling Light
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When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones?
I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones
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How did the autistic boy survive his jump from a plane?
He was retarded
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Why was the healthy potato not allowed on the plane?
He was on the "No Fry" list.
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What do you call a pig that took a plane?
Swine flu!
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What do u call 1,000 black people on a plane back to Africa?
A good start.
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What do you call a black man who fly's a plane?
A pilot, you racist.
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How do you call a black man flying a plane ?
A pilot.
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What do you call a white man flying a plane?
Clive, usually.
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What do you call an Arab flying a plane?
A pilot you racist
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What's the difference between North Korea amd South Korea?
North Koreans have no Seoul. Thought of this very early in the morning waiting to board a plane.
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When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?
When it's intersected by a plane
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What do you call a black guy that flies a plane?
A pilot, you f'n racist!!
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What do you get when you intersect two planes?
A national travesty.
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How was 9/11 an inside job?
If the planes came from the outside.
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What do two Wrights make?
A plane
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What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of planes?
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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What do you call a black guy that flys a plane?
A pilot, you racist!
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Why can't the plane fly?
Because it's grounded.
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Why did the pilot crash the plane?
Because he was a slice of bread
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Why did Harrison Ford Crash his plane?
because he was flying solo and went look no hans...
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How many German does it take to take down a plane?
One. Because he's very efficient and silent while doing it.
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What do you call 100 black people on a plane to Africa?
A good start.
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How do you know that a plane from the UK has landed?
An hour after its landed its still whining.
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Why were the people in twin towers upset?
They ordered pepperoni pizza but all they got was plane
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Why were the people in the Twin Towers so upset about their pizza order?
They ordered pepperoni but all they got was plane.
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What does a terrorist tell hes son?
Aim to the sky, maybe you'll shoot a plane.
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What should planes be made of to fend off islamists?
Allahminium! Since Muslims cant desecrate anything with Allah on it!
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What do you call a black man that flies planes?
A pilot, you racist.
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Why does the Pope kiss the ground when he gets off his plane?
You would too if you had to fly Alitalia.
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What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
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Why planes are faster than car and buses?
Because they are almost never **tired**.
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What is a chinese pirate an expert at?
Flying a plane.
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Why was the mathematician detained at the airport?
Because he planned to blow up a plane.
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What makes you think you can criticise American gun laws, sitting over there in the UK?
I was asked on an internet forum. "Because you're not allowed to take them on planes," I answered.
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How do you make cocoa powder?
Throw from the plane
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How did the mathematician reach the end of the Y-axis?
On a plane.
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Why were the people in the World Trade Center mad on 9/11 ?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane.
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Why was the World Trade Center in a hurry?
It had a plane to catch.
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What's wrong with the plane that flies to Holland?
It Netherlands.
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What is the difference between two towers?
A plane
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What do you call a plane with no wings?
Fly Curious.
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When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?
When it is intercepted by a plane.
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What's the difference between most people and planes?
Most people miss the twin towers.
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How did the pilot like his hotdog?
Plane.
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Why were the twin towers disappointed?
They ordered pepperoni and all they got was plane.
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Why would anyone ever want to fly Virgin Airlines?
The last thing you want to do is get on a plane that doesn't go all the way.
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What is the best way to avoid having your flight bombed?
Bring your own bomb! Cause what are the odds that there are **two** bombs on the same plane
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How long does it take a monkey to fly a plane from LA to New York?
About 6 hours.
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What did one tower say to the other?
I've got a plane to catch
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Why were people in the Twin Towers so upset?
They ordered pepperoni but all they got was plane
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Why did the people's phones stop working on the plane's that crashed into the twin towers?
They were in airplane mode. (I'm so sorry)
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Who you must not greet on a plane?
HI Jack!
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Why do they allow people in wheelchairs to bring carry-ons onto a plane?
Aren't they themselves a carry-on?
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Why was the chef afraid of cooking steaks on a plane?
The steaks have never been higher
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Why can't penguins fly?
They're too short to reach the controls of the plane.
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What kind of luggage does a vulture bring on a plane?
Carrion.
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What can conspiracy theorists never explain?
They say that 9/11 was an inside job... but planes fly OUTSIDE. Can't explain that
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Why Couldn't the Ancient Egyptians Build a Plane?
Because, it wasn't very Pharoah-dynamic.
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What do you get when you push a cow out of a plane?
Ground beef
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Why did Russia close all of its airports?
The planes were stalin.
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How far can this plane go with just one engine?
All the way to the crash site!
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What did the south tower say to the north?
BRB man, I've got to catch a plane. Im soz.
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What do you call a black guy who can fly a plane?
A pilot what else would you call him? You racist prick!
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What's that diving?
Is it a bird, Is it a plane... No it's the British Pound...
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What did the terrorist Redditor say on the plane?
Wow, this blew up!
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What do you call a black guy who flies a plane?
A PILOT, YOU RACIST!
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What do you call a black man who flies a plane?
a pilot, you racist