Politician Jokes
-
What happens to a politician when he takes a Viagra?
He gets taller.
-
What did the RAM stick say to the politician?
I'm PC2!
-
What is the best way to stop a politician?
A really strong gust of wind.
-
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.
-
What do cannibals and politicians have in common?
They both enjoy handshakes.
-
Why do politicians take laxatives?
So they can speak more fluently
-
How cold is it outside?
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
-
What do politicians and diapers have in common?
Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.
-
What's the difference between a politician and a tiger?
One of them is a big puss
-
What's the most dangerous place in Washington D.C.?
Between a politician and a news camera.
-
What signal tells you that a politician is lying?
The lips are moving
-
What's the difference between a politician and a computer?
logic
-
What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda?
Civic doody.
-
What do sperm and politicians have in common?
About 1 in every 500 or 600 million have a chance at becoming human.
-
What happens when you give Viagra to a politician?
He gets taller
-
What's the difference between a cat and a politician?
A cat will lie your face. A politician will lie your face.
-
Why do politicians wear neckties?
To keep their foreskin from flopping over their head.
-
What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?
The politician replied, "Shhhhh -- just pay it."
-
What do these 2 have in common What does your mum and a politician have in common?
When they scream they make no sense
-
What's the difference between a beggar and a US Politician?
A beggar has retained his integrity.
-
What is the best place for politicians?
Election posters. There they are portable, silent and easy to remove.
-
What do diapers and politicians have in common?
They both need to be changed after a while for the same reason
-
What's the only thing politicians stand for?
Reelection.
-
What does a sperm and a politician have in common?
They both have a one in 100 million chance of being human.
-
What's the difference between a bad mechanic and a politician?
With the mechanic, there's a shot something might get fixed...
-
Why are politicians buried 6 feet under?
Because deep down, they're good people.
-
What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
The letter F.
-
What did the politicians say after taking a huge bong hit?
What's Allepo "
-
Why is heaven a paradise for the common man?
Because all the politicians are in hell.
-
What's the difference between Politicians and Thieves?
Thief: They steal your money then run Politician: They run and then steal your money
-
What's the difference between a politician and an actor?
One acts solely for money, the other is the actor.
-
How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to change it, and the other one to change it back again.
-
What's a politicians favorite kind of dance move?
Poll dancing!
-
What's the difference between a political speech and a stand-up comic show?
They both tell the audience what they are glad to hear. But at the end, the audience laughs at the comic, and the politician laughs at the audience.
-
Why doesn't God want to argue with Satan?
Because Satan has more politicians to help him.
-
What's do Christians and politicians have in common?
They pick and choose what they want to believe.
-
How can you tell when a politician is lying?
When their lips move
-
How many politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
You hold the lightbulb and every politician screws you!
-
How is a broken clock better than a politician?
The clock is still right twice a day.
-
Who is tall, orange-skinned, blatantly racist, should not be a politician, and makes everyone groan whenever he appears on TV?
Jar Jar Binks
-
What do you call a politician in a house fire?
Burning Sanders!
-
How do you know you're golfing with a politician?
When they get a hole-in-one they write down *zero* on the scorecard.
-
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and another one to change it back again.
-
What's the difference between a church bell & a politician?
A church bell peals from the steeple.
-
How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician ?
Just ask them to read this word: unionized.
-
How can you tell that a politician lies?
His lips are moving
-
How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Not sure, first they have to figure out which way to spin it.
-
How do you know when a politician is lying?
Their mouth is moving.
-
What's the difference between a robber and a politician?
Politicians run BEFORE they steal your money.
-
What body movements alert you that a politician is lying?
His lips are moving.
-
What do politicians and sperm have in common?
About 1 in every 600 million has a chance of becoming a human.
-
What's the difference between a baby and a politician?
Saying they are full of sh*t means 2 completely different things.
-
What do politicians do for fun?
Rave at the party.
-
What's the difference between a statesman and a politician?
A statesman is a dead politician. God knows we need more statesman.
-
Why is being a politician more difficult than being a ventriloquist?
Ventriloquists have to be able to speak with their mouths closed. Politicians speak out of both sides of their mouths simultaneously.
-
Why I don't joke about politicians?
Because I don't joke about jokes.
-
What's the difference between a church bell & a politician?
A church bell peals from the steeple.
-
What did the cannibal make of the politician he just met?
Pork and bologne sammiches.