Post Jokes
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Why do Fencers avoid posting on reddit?
They are afraid of the Reposte.
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What material does Cayde-6 use to repair his armor after falling feet first into hell?
Nathan Filaments ( ) X-Post from /r/DestinyTheGame
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What online image hosting service do puppies use to post their puppy pictures?
Imgrrrrrrr
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Why is a racehorse like a letter?
They both begin a trip at the post!
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What kind of nuts go on a carrot cake?
First time posting to .
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What do you call a drunk executioner?
A dun-GIN keeper. Edit: You have my permission to post this on r/dadjokes
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Why do the ghosts never win races?
Because they're always dead tired. I stole this from plain and simple. Just straight up stole it. Why? Because it made me laugh and I didn't see it posted here before.
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What does a redditor do after his picket fence is installed?
He re-posts it.
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What's the difference between Ethiopians and gorillas?
Nobody cares about Ethiopians dying. (First post on r/jokes and a bit offensive)
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Why didnt the illiterate man like my post on r/Jokes?
He's never Reddit.
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How do you keep someone curious?
I'll tell you on my next post
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What do you call a guy who only posts clickbait?
A master-baiter
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Why was the note denied alcohol?
Because it was A Minor.
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Why does the Pope keep his underwear on while bathing?
Because he doesn't like looking down on the unemployed. First to ever post this joke here, yay!
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What do you call a Russian ninja?
Shneakoff ( I apologise, this is my first ever post so I'm using that as my excuse)
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Why was the Redditor mad at Reddit?
Because it made her wait seven minutes before posting something.
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How do you keep a moron in suspense for 24 hours?
I'll post the answer tomorrow.
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Whats the V in DVD stand for?
Cuz if it were lying down it wouldnt make any sense. (first post to reddit, made up this joke today .. be kind)
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What's at the centre of No Man's Sky universe?
A refund. credit to (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post)
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What is Facebook?
Its a Place where Boy posts a JOKE and Gets no Response & If a Girl Posts the same JOKE , She gets Hundreds of likes , comments and Friend Requests and Lots of PM's .
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What do you call a stoner when horny?
Now please post weed related jokes
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How do you get alot of people to check out your post?
Tag it NSFW and repost it.
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What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?
Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.
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What's the most environmentally friendly subreddit?
Everything there is recycled, including this post.
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What gets you a downvote?
Reposting an old joke that wasn't funny the first time. What gets you an upvote? Posting an original joke, or a funny joke I've heard before. What get's you 5 upvotes? Being
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Why was Joe disappointed when he read the newspaper in Washington?
There were no jokes in the Post.
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What did the redditor say when he opened his package from the UniBomber?
Wow, I did not expect this post to blow up
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How did the Redditor get stuck in a loop?
I don't know, check the post above me.
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How many people does it take to make a joke on /r/Jokes?
Three. One to post it, one to make a better punchline in the comments, and one to repost it the next day.
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Why do white people like cheese so much?
Because they're made from cultures! Edit: Five BLM members disliked this post.
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What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken. (Not sure if it's a repost, but I don't think I've seen it posted here.)
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What the difference between a Mexican and a bench?
The bench can support a family my first post here, a friend told me this joke.
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Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife?
Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool
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How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?
Wanna go ride bikes? My all time favorite joke. Sorry if it has already been posted but who has the time to browse all of .
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How many people does it take to tell a joke on reddit?
Two. One to post the joke and one to post a better punchline in the comments.
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Where does a lonely ant go when it is separated from its colony?
I have no idea, but this looks like a good joke. So post your proposals in comments.
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Why was the orphan so successful?
When he was told to "go big or go home," he only had one option. (I've posted this joke here before, but I believe I've been the first, so if you recognize it as a repost it's because I wanted to tell it again!)
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What does Uncle Vernon not do today?
Post.
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Where do Polar Bears keep their money?
In the Snowbank. My first post is a dad joke LOL
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What do you call a really really big ant?
A GIANT! Now what do you call a baby ant an Infant! What do you call an ant thats into business A Merchant! please post more ant jokes if you know of any.
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What do you call a midget fortune-teller who's on the run from the law?
A small medium at large.** (Hope this doesn't get posted often)
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Why does Windows 10 say "Hello"?
Because my PC is a Dell.
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How do you know you're not logged into reddit?
There are posts on the frontpage
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How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Juan (This probably has been posted earlier but is still funny )
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How do you get a post that's not a joke into /r/jokes?
Like this.
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Where Did it go?
Where did that list of dark jokes posted this morning go? Iv looked everywhere.
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What do you call a day when all jokes on this sub are re-posts?
EVERYDAY !!
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Where do post go when they die in Reddit?
Everywhere else.
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What do you call a black guy at college?
A miracle. Edit: I've hidden this post as I realized it was stupid and too offensive. I'm sorry, it was overly racist.
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Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
It's pointless just like this post
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What's the best way to make an egg roll?
You push it! I deserve salmonella for even posting this...
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Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?
x-post /r/puns Scotch.
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Where do salt lovers go to pray?
OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)
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What did Reddit say about the post that had no comments?
Wow, such empty
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Why is a reflection always twice as good as the real thing?
i actually don't know where to post this idea, true jokes maybe?... There has to be a food for thought sub. This is your OP, I promise to deliver!
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What do elves post on Social Media?
Elf-ies.
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What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other unemployed cancer cell?
Let's get Jobs. Found in the comments of a post by
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Why did the orange go to the doctor?
Because she wasn't peeling very well... All credit to my 8 yo son who suggested I post it here
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What is a joke that only makes sense in your own regional dialect/accent?
Sorry for a post that's not a joke but I'm interested. Here's one from where I am. These two ducks are flying over Ballymena. The first one says, "quack quack" and the second one says, "slow down! I'm coming as quack as I cyan."
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What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You're too young to smoke. Sorry, it's the first joke I ever learned, and I haven't ever seen it posted.
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What punch line is sure to get upvotes no matter how many times it gets posted?
I don't know I just fly the drone"
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Why is post college life so easy for Lannisters?
Because a Lannister always pays his debts.
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What's the difference between procrastination and laziness?
RemindMe! 2 days to edit this post
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What is it called when you mix Alcohol and Literature?
Tequila Mockingbird. (X-post )
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How do you tell if you've posted an anitjoke in /r/Jokes?
If someone comments saying you posted an antijoke and that you should rather post your joke in /r/antijokes.
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What shoes are hard to wear?
Dark Soles Terrible gaming pun. My friend posted this on FB, thought I would share.
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How many redditors does it take to send a letter?
Three. One to post it, and two to repost it.
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How can you know that you are insecure about what other people think of your post?
deleted
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What do you call a none in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile I'm not sorry (PS, if this is a repost, I'm sorry that I didn't see the first time it got posted 2 years ago. Please don't accuse me of reposting)
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What would you call a rock digger's mistake?
A miner infraction! From , posted by
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Why do feminists hate the post the USPS?
Cause it's an all mail business.
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What would a Prius minivan be called?
Post-us
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Why did Billy not care who he offended while posting on the internet?
Because the ends justify the memes
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How many redditors does it take to post a joke to /r/Jokes?
Three. One to post it, another to post a better punchline in the comment section, and another to repost it with the new punchline.
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What happened to German Orphans after WW2?
Did they ever get back on the Reich track (I saw the post in /r/history earlier and was disappointed to find it was a serious question. I fixed it.)
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Whats the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?
Santa stops at 3 Ho's (sorry if it's a re-post)
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How long does it take for mods to remove a post?
removed
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What's the most annoying thing on /r/jokes?
People who post the joke intro twice.
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Why is it good to post jokes about feminists?
It promotes equality.
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How do you keep a bunch of redditors in suspense?
I'll post the punchline later.
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What's the difference between a joke and your friend's blog?
You enjoy it when a joke is posted on Facebook
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Why were the 2 in love melons upset?
Because they cantaloupe. (The wife thought of this one... hopefully nobody else has posted it)
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Why was the ink happy?
Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.
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Why can't the sun talk?
First post) It doesn't have an ellipse.
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What drink did the Karate Master order?
Wa-tah! Haha. I'll leave now... (Sorry if already posted. I searched a little bit but found nothing.)
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How do you know if a redditor gave money to Bernie Sanders?
Just wait 5 minutes. They'll post about it.
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What is mostly white, dull, and wants to be popular?
This post.
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Why does pokemon have only one save file per game?
I mean think about it, One for Charmander One for Squirtle and one for your second charmander. (found that but it's against rules to post links lol so I'll just leave that here for a good laugh)
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Why do Gypsy's walk funny?
Because of their Crystal Balls EDIT: I'm not sure if anyone's posted this before my mum's sister emailed her from across the globe.(New Zealand) I laughed so hard I thought I'd put it here. Credit goes to my Mum's sister though.
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How do you get banned from a subreddit without breaking the rules?
Post something humorous in . P.S: Is there anyway to ungild myself?
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How do you ruin a good joke?
By posting it over and over on the same subreddit
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What's the worst thing you can do when posting a joke?
Accidentally hit submit before you
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What do you call a groan-inducing, kindergarten-level pun?
Top post on /r/Jokes.
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What's the difference between organized crime and the government?
Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.
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Why does Neville Longbottom like herbology so much?
Because his parents are vegetables.
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What does Uncle Vernon from Harry Potter not do on Reddit?
Post on Sundays.
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What do you call a joke that gets posted over and over again on reddit?
Al-redi-reddi-tt.
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What do women and the stock market have in common?
If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.
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What do you call a girl between two posts?
Annette.
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What's the difference between a school of children and a terrorist camp?
I don't know, I just fly the drone Edit/apology: My friend said this to me, I thought I should share with you all, he said that I could post it here. 5 minutes later he told me he found it on reddit.... I'm sorry all.
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Why did the blind man cross the road?
Cuz he couldn't see it (Probly already posted but I've never seen it on r/jokes before)
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What's an Australian Kiss?
A French kiss down under ;) *first post here, a coworker of mine told me the joke. Go easy :)*
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What did the redditor do to a post?
He rEDDITed it. I'll leave.
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How do you keep a idiot occupied?
I will tell you how in my next post- Jk the answer's in one of the comments, look through every single one and you are destined to discover the answer.
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What do you call a noisy Chinese dog?
How-Ling (my dad wanted me to post this)
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How many redditors does it take to make a good joke?
Three. One to post it, the second to post a better punchline in the comments, and the third to complain that it's a repost.
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How do you know if a joke has been posted on reddit before?
Oh, they'll tell you.
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How to make an idiot curious?
I'll post the answer tomorrow.
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What's the difference between a man who owns a gun and a man who owns a bank?
A man with a gun can rob a bank. A man with a bank can rob the world. (Disclaimer: reword of someone else's post to FB today.)
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What am I?
I start with a v and every woman has one. She can even use me to get what she wants. What am I? I'll post the answer in 10 minutes.
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Why shouldn't you post to Reddit while driving?
becau
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Why do people post missing person posts on Facebook?
Like we're going outside...
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Why can't humans hear a dog whistle?
Because dogs can't whistle. (X-post from r/dadjokes)
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Why do black men hate posting on reddit?
Because they can't deny that their comment was the parent.
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Why do pro gamers get up at 1:37pm?
Because it's 13:37! I came up with this last night and have been waiting to post it until 1:37pm my time.
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How can you tell if a post on r/Jokes is unoriginal?
It makes the front page.
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What did the reddit admins say to the mods?
This post was removed
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Why are redditors so bad at "getting" jokes?
this isn't even a joke... some of y'all are borderline retarded, "I don't get it" is like a given for 50 upvotes around here. If you don't get a joke, just take the L and move on to the next post....
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What's the best way to get to the front page?
Post good stuff. Please up vote To FP!
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Why Did The Tiger Cross The Road?
Because there wasn't a Zebra crossing Sorry, my 5 year old son made me post this
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What is a goal keepers favourite snack ?
Beans on post !
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Why did the train go left?
Cause it couldn't get on the right track. I made that joke when I was little and remembered it today, might as well post it.
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What would she do for $20?
Wasn't there a joke before posted about asking what a girl would do for $20 or something A dirty joke I'm trying to find it but I can't....
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How do you order a bill in Australian restaurant?
Cheque, mate! --- Maybe not the funniest buy posting because: My. My own. My precious...
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What did some kids call him?
A "Chigga" (i'm not a racist, but this made me laugh for long enough to post it here. Please don't get triggered)