President Jokes

  • What kind of country has a clown problem?

    The same one that has 2 clowns running for president!

  • What's white, located in washington and has a president within it?

    Monica Lewinsky's teeth.

  • What do Lewinsky, Monroe, and Reddit have in common?

    They all went down on a President.

  • What did the Mexican wife say to her Husband?

    You'll never be president, Jeb.

  • Who succeeded the first President of the USA ?

    The second one !

  • Which president was least guilty?

    Lincoln, because he is in a cent.

  • How many Americans does it take to screw a lightbulb?

    None. Their President outsources the job to India.

  • What do you call a foreign born communist running for President?

    Ted Cruz

  • Which president was famous for his long pauses?

    Ellipsis S. Grant.

  • What flavor gum does the President prefer?

    Governmint Ill walk myself to the nearest border

  • Who fills in for the president of Russia when he's on leave?


  • What's the difference between the US and Russian Presidents?

    US presidents get shot while Russian presidents take shots.

  • How do you get elected president of my pants?

    By the vote of the Erectional College...

  • How many Americans does it take to screw a lightbulb?

    None. Their President outsources the job to India.

  • What happens when the President dies?

    The Vice President takes over. What happens when the Vice President dies? The Speaker of the House takes over. What happens when the Speaker of the House dies? You go to Radio Shack and buy a new speaker.

  • What did the turkey say when he accidentally bumped into the president?

    Pardon me.

  • What do you call an instrument that gets a president impeached?

    Harmonica Lewinsky.

  • What's with everyone being scared of clowns recently?

    Americas already got two running for president.

  • Why should we elect Gabe Newell as President of the United States?

    So there won't be a World War III.

  • Why isn't the Vice President running for President this year?

    Cuz he's Biden his time.

  • What does the president of Russia call his toilet?

    Vladimir's Poo Tin

  • Why didn't the President fight with the chair?

    Because we don't negotiate with chair-orrists.

  • Which president was the most logical?

    Lincoln. He made the most cents.

  • Who was the last President of China?

    Yes he was.

  • Why can't Brock Turner go to jail?

    Because with swim times like his, he might be president some day.

  • Which president likes doing laundry?

    George WASHING-A-TON. He's the 8 year old white Kevin Hart.

  • Why do you want to run for President?

    Because walking wouldn't burn enough calories.

  • What would you call the easter egg roll if Bernie Sanders became president?

    Weekend at Bernie's.

  • Who should we vote for the next president?

    Gabe Newell. There will never be a World War 3.

  • Which US president is most responsible for unemployment in the US today?

    Abraham Lincoln.

  • Why are we seeing the creepy clowns all over the country?

    Being in many states and seen on all types of media is how they run for president.

  • Which bird ran for President?

    H. Ross Parrot

  • What did the US President with Alzheimer's ask his wife?

    Who are you

  • How much do Americans like racist jokes?

    Enough to make one President.

  • How did the U. S. elect an Orange as president?


  • What will Kayne West's political leaning be if he runs for President?

    West wing

  • Who says Republicans aren't into recycling?

    Mitt Romney's thinking of running for President, again.

  • Why do you need to be 35 to be elected president?

    So women don't get elected.

  • Why is Hillary running for President?

    Because it's easier than running from the law.

  • What do call the President of Russia with an upset stomach?

    Vladimir Poopin

  • How did the puppeteer meet the President?

    He pulled some strings.

  • Who is the president of the trees?

    BarkOak Palma

  • What one noun, verb, and US President sums up a scientist's hopes and fears?


  • Why do presidents have unsatisfied wives?

    It takes four years to get an election.

  • What do you call a president crossing the road?

    A presidestrian

  • Who lives in the green house?

    Me: I don't know Her: The green guy! Who lives in the red house? Me: The red guy Her: Yes! Who lives in the blue house? Me: The blue guy Her: Yeah! Who lives in the yellow house? Me: The yellow guy Her: Who lives in the white house? Now since I've heard this "riddle" before, I knew the trick answer. I was ready to answer The President! when my uncle blurted out: The black guy!!

  • Where does the President keep his armies?

    In his Baracks

  • How does a blonde man get really rich,stupid and a candidate for president ?

    small loan of 100 million dollars

  • What would be funny about Hillary as president?

    That she would be sitting at the desk that Monica once kneeled under!

  • What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?


  • How are that many Republicans candidates supposed to debate each other at once?

    Throw a dollar bill in the floor and let the last one alive run for president.

  • Why didn't rail Castro want to be President of Cuba?

    He didn't want to play second fidel

  • What does it take to be a president of Russia?

    Be a Viktor, then you are Devinitely In

  • What President of the United States smells the worst?

    The-Odor-e Roosevelt.

  • Why couldn't Arnold Schwarzenegger run for president?

    Because he doesn't do cardio.

  • What do you get when you elect Bernie Sander's son as president?

    A son Bern

  • Who would you like for president in 2020?

    Anyone who doesn't have poor visions.

  • Whats the difference between a Russian garbanzo bean and a Russian chickpea?

    A president has never been blackmailed into treason over a video of him paying to have a Russian garbanzo bean on his face.

  • What do you call a president who interrupts people?

    Donald Tr- WRONG!

  • How do you know when a joke has gone too far?

    It's elected President.

  • What was Lincoln's worst decision as President?

    He should have asked for a table, instead of a Booth

  • What happens when the president of the United States has to use the bathroom?

    The state of alert in the White House rises to Defecate 2.

  • What does it take to be a president?


  • Which President had the shortest term?

    Grover Cleveland. He was the twenty second President.

  • Who is a Minion's favorite politician?

    First ever president of Zimbabwe, President Banana