Priest Jokes

  • What's the difference between a mining company and priests?

    A mining company puts miners in shafts.

  • Whats the difference between a priest and acne?

    One waits till you're 14 before coming on your face.

  • How do u castrate a priest ?

    Kick the alter boy in the chin )

  • What do you call enchilada sauce bkessed by a priest?

    A: HOLY MOLE' Thank you, I'll be in r/dadjokes all week!

  • What do priests and christmas trees have in common?

    Their balls are just for decoration.

  • Why was the priest also an imam?

    Double the prophet.

  • Why do priests like little boys?

    Because it's easy to inject the seed of religion in them. Be gentle pls

  • What kind of fun does a priest have?


  • What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?

    Their balls are just for decoration

  • What do you call a Mexican fighting a priest?

    Alien vs. Predator

  • What did the priest say about consorting with the sisters of the church?

    Nun is better!

  • How do priests make holy water?

    They bless the hell out of it.

  • What do priests and zits have in common?

    They bost bust on 12 year Olds faces

  • Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

    Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

  • What do Wal mart and priests have in common?

    They both have boys pants half off. I'm going to hell lol

  • What do you call a priest who has had too much sacramental wine?

    An Alcatholic.

  • What did the boy tell the priest in the confessional?

    Nothing. It's rude to talk with your mouth full.

  • What is the Arabic word for Priest?


  • Why do priests wear underwear in the shower?

    They don't like to look down on the unemployed

  • Why did the priest cross the road ?

    To screw in the children that were crossing the road

  • What did the priest say at the salad bar?

    Lettuce pray.

  • How do you ask a priest to hand you the spaghetti?

    Pasta pasta, pasta.

  • What did the nun say to the priest?

    Shut up

  • How do you castrate a priest?

    Kick the altar boy in the back off the head

  • What's your favourite priest and a rabbi joke?

    Been awhile since I've her some priest and a rabbi jokes. Hit me with your best one! Mine: a priest and a rabbi are waking down the street The priest asks " wanna screw some kids?" The rabbi replies "out if what?"

  • What did the mute say to the priest?


  • What did the little boy say to the priest?

    Haha, now we have AIDS

  • What did the priest get at Toys R Us?

    An erection.

  • What did the priest use to forgive the sinners that shot up his church?

    A holey bible. And, yet, it still made more sense than Scientology.

  • What's a priest on an egg called?

    A brother

  • What do a priest and a swimmer who came in second have in common?

    The both came in a little behind

  • Why should the Roman Catholic Church allow priests to marry?

    They would have a more detailed understanding of what Hell is actually like.

  • Why did the priest smoke weed in the cemetery?

    He wanted to keep his spirits high.

  • How do you know that you're too old?

    When the priest doesn't look at you anymore.

  • What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a priest?

    Only one of them goes limp when a child walks into a room.

  • What kind of jokes does a priest tell?

    Dad jokes

  • What's it called when a priest is always late?

    Collared people's time

  • What do you call a priest giving a long, boring sermon?

    An anes-theologist. (close enough)

  • Why do priests have lots of kids?

    They always use the holy condoms.

  • What do a priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common?

    They both came in a little behind.

  • How is a Silver Medal and a Priest the same?

    They both came in a little behind.

  • What happens if you don't pay the priest who exorcises your house?

    He'll re-possess it

  • What does a priest and a christmas tree have in common?

    The balls are for decoration!

  • How does a Priest find a little boy in the woods?

    Very exciting

  • Why did the Priest cross the road?

    Because he crosses everything.

  • Why can't priests have children?

    Because choir boys can't get pregnant, thank God.

  • Why was the priest afraid of trigonometry?

    cos sin

  • What kind of fun do priests have?


  • How Do Priests Get High?

    Snorting the left over ashes from Ash Wednesday...

  • How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike ?

    They both have ornamental balls.

  • What's the difference between a tropical beach and a priest?

    One gets sun on your skin and the other gets skin on your son.

  • What did one priest say to the other priest?

    Do you know where my son is " "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I'm a necrophiliac."

  • What did the priest have to say?

    He said you have to stop rapping over the choir."

  • What's the difference between a priest and a chilean mining company?

    One gets its miners stuck in shafts, and the other gets its shaft stuck in minors.

  • What's the Priest favorite breakfast?


  • What's a priests least favorite thing about New Years?

    The balls drop.

  • What did the priest say when watering his garden?

    Let us spray.

  • How many times does 43 go into 9?

    The priest won't tell you, but *he knows*.

  • What did the priest say to the child at the playgrounds?

    Its a slippery slope.

  • What did the bishop say to the priest?

    It's my turn.

  • What is the favorite note of a priest?

    A minor

  • Why does a priest never get married?

    Because they got nun to love them

  • What did the bishop say to a large group of priest at the overnight camp for young boys?

    Let us prey.'

  • What did the man say to the priest at the beach?

    Do you mind getting out of my son.

  • What's the difference between a priest and his dog?

    One wears pants and a collar while the other wears a collar and pants.

  • Why did the priest dislike geometry?

    It's sin-ful. self made joke

  • Whats the best way to castrate a priest?

    Kick the alter boy in the chin

  • Why did the woman take her third aborted fetus to see the priest on Sunday?

    Half Life 3 Confirmed!

  • What did the priest announce before he went for a bath?

    Speak now or forever hold your pee!"

  • What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common?

    Their balls are just for decoration

  • What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables?

    Lettuce pray.

  • Why did the Priest go to Walmart?

    Because the little boys pants were half off.