Prison Jokes
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Why hasn't bigfoot ever gone to prison?
Because he has only been convicted mythdemeanors.
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What's the Difference between a Girl and a Woman?
Prison
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Why was the sick eagle in prison?
Because she was illegal.
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Why don't you see Santa for the rest of the year?
Because for the rest of the year he's in prison for breaking into people's houses.
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What picture does a cup get when it goes to prison?
A MUGshot.
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Why did they start using liquid soaps in prisons?
if you thought because you can't drop it, guess again) Because it takes longer to pick up.
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Why should you be afraid of a white guy in prison?
Because you know he's guilty
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Why did the Christmas tree get thrown in prison?
Treeson.
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What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison?
One can't see to go the other can't go to sea.
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What does prison have in common with biology?
Cell culture.
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Why did a surgeon go to prison?
His medical license was doctored.
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Why did the rooster get 20 years in prison?
He got caught on the internet, looking up chicks.
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Why should you be scared of a white man in prison?
Because you know he is actually guilty. Credit to for the joke!
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What do you call a little person who can talk to ghosts and just escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
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How do inmates pay for things in prison?
With ConCurrency, of course.
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Why did the banker bee go to prison?
Embuzzlement!
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What's the difference between an orphanage and a beach ball?
You won't go to prison for blowing up a beach ball.
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What's the best thing about a poet in a prison?
Oh you know, it has its prose and cons. Badum Tish. Be gentle, first time here.
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What do you call it when your wife brings you rice porridge in prison?
Congee-gal visit
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Why was Jared Fogle upset?
Because he was sentenced to over 15 years in prison.
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What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?
One's a pro, and one's a con.
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What did the Mexican student write his essay about?
Life outside of prison.
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What did Bea Arthur whisper in her lover's ear?
An elaborate fantasy in which she is in prison and tries to escape by chewing through the bars of her cell.
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Why don't black people get presents for Christmas?
Because prisons don't have chimneys.
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What do you get when you mix the Twelve Days of Christmas with Ninety-nine Bottles of beer on the wall?
A year in prison if there's any justice.
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What do you call a clairvoyant dwarf that recently broke out of prison?
A small medium at large. (One of my sister's favourites)
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What do you call a prisoner who's psychic,has dwarfism and escaped the prison?
A small medium at large!
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What's the worst part of being a cook in prison?
Having to toss everyone's salad
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What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea
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What do you call a short clairvoyant person who just broke out of prison?
A small medium at large.
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Why don't black people get sunburns?
Prisons are indoors.
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Why was the French chef sent to prison?
He was convicted of crepe.
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Why did the Energizer Bunny go to prison?
He was charged with battery.
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What's the scariest thing about a white man in prison?
You know he did it.
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Why was the Router released early from prison?
It had connections.
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What is the similarity between Caps Lock and prison?
They both turn "o" into "O".
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What do you call a Psychic Midget who escaped from prison?
Framed.
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Why would a Catholic priest start practicing at a prison?
He ran out of little boys
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Why did a physician go to prison?
His medical license was doctored.
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Why did the belt go to prison?
He held up a pair of pants!
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What did NaCl go to prison for?
A-salt
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What Do Nuns Call Air Conditioning In A Prison?
A convent!
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What was the parrot doing in prison ?
It was a jail-bird !
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What do you call a retarded psychic who just escaped from prison?
A small medium at-large!
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What did Oscar Pistorius say when his cellmate asked him how he ended up in prison?
I'm stumped."
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What do you call an Jihadi Terrorist who just escaped prison?
a free radical..
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How did the hipster narco escape from prison?
By going underground
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What do a prison and a concentration camp have in common?
What do a prison and a concentration camp have in common? In both people don't feel like showering.
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What's scary about a white man in prison?
You know he did it
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What do you call a friar in prison?
A felonious monk
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Why did the man tell his mom to get him out of prison?
She had gotten him out of a tight spot before.
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Why did the guitarist get life in prison?
He fingered a minor.
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How is prison like quidditch?
The game ends when they catch the snitch
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What's the first thing Aaron Hernandez learned in prison?
He's not a tight end anymore )
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Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison?
You know he's guilty.
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What's concurrency?
Fake money they use in prisons.
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Why did the criminal get released from prison after he wrote a short essay?
He had served his sentence.
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What's the difference between a black man and a white man in the US?
A white man makes it to prison.
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Why is Harry Potter so popular in prison?
Because he catches all the snitches!
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What color are apples?
BOBO THE GORILLA: (signing) Please free me from this prison ME: (writing) Still struggling with colors
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Why do pens get sent to prison ?
To do long sentences !
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How did "El Chapo" escape prison?
Joaquin.
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What's the difference between sanctuary and prison?
Toilet paper.
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How does a nucleus get out of prison?
Through the cell wall. :D
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Why was the tree in prison?
Because it broke every branch of the law.
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What do you call a group of white people?
A prison
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Which member of the Bach family went to prison?
Bachgen Drwg. (it's welsh)
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What did the peadophile say when he was released from prison?
I feel like a kid again
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What do they call me in prison?
Mitochondria, cause I'm the powerhouse of the cell
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What do you call a psychic midget that escapes prison?
A small medium at large.
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What do you get if you cross a 20-year-old man, and 37 steak knives?
25 years in prison
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How did the Nucleus escape from prison?
through the cell wall.
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Why are white people the scariest in prison?
Because you know they're guilty.
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Why should you be scared of a white person in prison?
Because they are most certainly guilty.
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Why was the man sent to prison after staying up all night?
Because he was resisting a rest.