Pull Jokes
-
What do a burnt pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
In all 3 cases, someone forgot to pull it out.
-
What's the difference between sin and shame?
It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out."
-
How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"
-
What do you do if someone's choking?
Pull back a few inches
-
What's your chicken sandwich called?
A McChicken And the rib -A McRib pulls out his batwallet I like your style.
-
What's black and white and turns cartwheels?
A piebald horse pulling a cart!
-
Why is Italy's birth rate decreasing?
Because they pull out at the last second.
-
How many magicians does it take to pull a rabbit out of a hat?
One. It's a trick question.
-
What do you call people who use the pull out method as form of birth control?
Parents.
-
What's harder to pull out of than Iraq?
Bristol Palin.
-
What do you call it when you play tug-of-war with a pig?
Pulled pork.
-
Why should you never invite a pig to join your tug-of-war team?
Pigs want to be pulled through the mudhole.
-
What's the difference between me and my couch?
My couch pulls out.
-
Why does the corn get mad at the farmer?
Because he is always pulling on his ears.
-
Why haven't you pulled over yet?
I said, "Because we're still in Detroit."
-
Why did the brothel run out of money?
Why did the brothel run out of money? Because all of the investors pulled out.
-
Why did the mathematician get pulled over?
for drinking and deriving
-
What does Iraq and Bristol Palin have in common?
Both of them are hard to pull out of.
-
Why do cars slow down when they see a cop has pulled someone over?
HE'S A LITTLE BUSY TO WORRY ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW DUMMIES
-
How often do you floss?
Me: Daily Dentist: *Pulls fully grown centaur from between my 2nd and 3rd molars*
-
Why don't big trains have little trains?
They pull out on time.
-
Why didn't Napoleon get his wish?
Because he couldn't pull the wish Bonaparte.
-
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
-
When he finishes drinking, he pulls out his wallet and say to the Bartender, "How much?
The Bartender says, "For you No charge."
-
Why did it take a strong thief to steal a manhole cover?
Because only he could pull it off.
-
How many vegetables should you pull out of the ground in one day?
None
-
How does a blind skydiver know when to pull the parachute?
When the leash goes slack.
-
What did the cop say to Boris Yosanavich after pulling him over for speeding?
Quit Russian.
-
Why did the snowman pull down his pants?
Because he saw the snowblower coming
-
Why did the cop pull over the U-Haul truck?
He was trying to bust a move
-
How do you get certified as an interior decorator?
You don't pull out
-
How does a black girl know she's pregnant?
When she pulls out her tampon the cotton is already picked
-
How do you cure the hiccups?
Dunk your head in a bucket of water and pull it out twice.
-
What to do when a blonde throws a grenade at you... What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
-
Why did the man hire a Mexican gardener?
Because he was good at pulling weed
-
How does a black chick tell if she's pregnant?
When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.
-
Why aren't there any baby Transformers?
Because Auto-Bots pull out!
-
Why are you laughing?
My dentist just pulled one of my teeth out. I don't see much to laugh about in that. But it was the wrong one!
-
Why is it so hard to pull over on the Pirate Highway?
Because there's a parrot on the shoulder.
-
How do you get your girlfriend to fart?
Pull out
-
Why are fire trucks always red?
You'd turn red if someone pulled on your hose wouldn't you?
-
What do a trickster and a multiplicative inverse function have in common?
They both want to pull 1 over on you.
-
What did the judge say to the dentist?
Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
-
Why is it so hard for an eighty year old woman to pee in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?!
-
How did the unqualified harp player get into the orchestra?
She pulled some strings.
-
What film do you get when you pull your pants down?
Free Willy
-
What does your girlfriend and my garage have in common?
I pull out of both of them.
-
Why won't Hillary ever pull out?
She's never finished screwing people.
-
Why did Al Gore go to the dentist for a tooth pulling?
He had an Inconvenient Tooth.
-
How's the meal?
Me: I dunno. Let me check *pulls out phone Me: Not good. It only got 2 likes on Instagram Waiter: ...
-
What do Jimmy Carter and the Long Island Railroad have in common?
They both pull out of Roslyn every morning at 8:15.
-
What's the difference between me and a dentist?
The dentist pulls it out when it hurts.
-
How many kids do you think Wolverine has?
Because a vasectomy would heal in seconds and he doesn't look like he'd wear a rubber or pull out.
-
What do you call people who use the "pull out" method for contraception?
Parents.
-
Why did the Soviets pull their missiles out?
Because they feared a premature ejectulation
-
Why didn't the patient sue the dentist for pulling the wrong tooth?
Because it was accidental.
-
How did the puppeteer meet the President?
He pulled some strings.
-
What do bad dancers have in common with Michael J Fox trying to use the soft serve ice cream machine?
They both have a hard time pulling off a twist.
-
What happened to the over amorous clam?
It pulled a mussel.
-
What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception?
Parents.
-
Why are snakes hard to fool ?
They have no legs to pull !
-
Why'd the pervert cross the road?
He couldn't pull out of the chicken
-
What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician?
A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
-
What did the pirate say after he pulled a steering wheel out of his pants?
It's driving me nuts!"
-
What's the difference between me and my new couch?
The couch pulls out...
-
How do you tell X chromosomes from Y chromosomes?
You pull down their genes.
-
How are a grenade and a wife similar?
If you pull the ring off it, the house is gone
-
How do you know when a black woman is pregnant?
When you pull out her tampon and all the cotton is picked.
-
Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
-
What's the difference between a freezer and a faget?
When you pull your meet out of a freezer it doesn't fart
-
What did the man say after he forgot to pull out?
I regret nutting!!!
-
Why did the Snowman pull his pants down?
Because the snowblower was coming.
-
What do you do when your mother-in-law is swaying towards you?
You pull the trigger again.
-
How do you tell the difference between an X and Y chromosome?
You pull down its genes.
-
How do blind skydivers know when to pull the cord?
The leash goes slack
-
How many virgins does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one. But he will pull it back out and stick it back in again just to make sure hes got the right hole.
-
Why should you date a Greek woman?
They don't like pulling out.
-
Why are Catholics the worst drivers?
They always pull out at the last second (usually to avoid a child).
-
What do women and the stock market have in common?
If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.
-
What happens to an air conditioner when you pull its plug?
A: It loses its cool.
-
What do a burnt pizza, frozen beer, and a pregnant girl have in common?
Someone didn't pull it out in time.
-
Why are farmers cruel?
A: They pull corn by the ears.
-
Why did the puppeteer get out of jail?
Because he "pulled a few strings"!
-
How do you know if a black lady is pregnant?
If she pulls out her tampon and all the cotton has been picked.
-
What does Mickey Mouse do to Minnie Mouse after she drowns and he pulls her out of the water?
Mouse to Mouse resuscitation.
-
What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
They pull up their pants.
-
How do you open a door underwater?
You swimming pull
-
What did the couch say to the armchair?
Don't worry, I pull out.
-
What's the worst way to convince an officer who's pulled you over not to ticket you?
You can have my beer if you let me go."
-
Why do you forget a tooth as soon as the dentist pulls it out?
Because it goes right out of your head.
-
How do you know when a black chick is pregnant?
When she pulls out her tampon and all of the cotton is missing..
-
How can you tell a black lady is pregnant?
When she pulls the tampon out and the cotton is already picked.
-
What's the hurry?
Me: Nothing officer - Just didn't want to slow you down. Cop: I was pulling you over. Me: Well I get that. Now.
-
Why did the hipster fail making ice cubes for his bourbon?
Because he pulled out the tray before it was cool
-
How can you tell when Ron Jeremy is finished pumping gas?
He pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car!
-
What did the blonde do after she combed her hair?
She pulled her pants up.
-
How do you tell an X chromosome from a Y chromosome?
Pull down its genes.
-
When a cop pulls you over and asks, "Papers?
answer "Scissors." then drive away..
-
Why do Puerto ricans have so many kids?
Because pulling out is work!!!
-
What do you think of wearing a straight jacket?
I think I could pull it off
-
How do you know a black chick is pregnant?
When she pulls out the tampon all the cotton has been picked.
-
Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery?
Q: Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery? A: Because her career as a comic was stuck, but no matter how he tried, the Dr. couldn't pull a laugh out of her.
-
Why are prosthetic limbs so in fashion?
Anyone can pull them off
-
Why does Bernie Sanders support abortions?
Because even after he's blown his load he won't pull out.
-
What did the judge ask when he went to the dentist?
Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth
-
How does a blind parachutist know when to pull his rip-chord?
The leash goes slack...
-
What was the best magic trick Osama Bin Laden ever pulled?
He made the World Trade Center disappear.
-
What did Einstein say when he was pulled over for speeding?
Speed is relative, officer."
-
Why do the lawyers for the reindeer say they have to pull Santa's sled?
Because they have a claus in their contract.
-
Why are fire trucks red?
You would be too if someone was pulling on your hose all day.
-
Why did kurt pull the trigger?
He couldn't get hole out of his head
-
Why don't Brazilians wear condoms?
Because they all pull out.
-
Why is a fire truck always red?
Cause you'd be mad too if someone kept pulling your hose.
-
When does a Smurf pull his pants down?
Once in a blue moon.
-
What do a Marionette User and Tampon Thief have in common?
They both pull strings for work. (Inspired by Bo Burnham, this popped into my head the other day)
-
How do you tell the difference from a guy's chromosome and a girl's chromosome?
You pull down their gene's and have a look! Credit: I heard this from an older gentlemen today at a senior home.
-
Why did cavemen pull their women around by their hair?
Because if they had pulled them by their feet they would have filled up with mud
-
What did the policeman say when he pulled over a nissan?
Nissan Haltima Bonus: What do you call it when a kia pulls up to a red light Kia stoptima
-
Why did the cz-75 get the girl pregnant?
It took too long to pull out.
-
Why did King Arthur leave no heir?
He was legendary for pulling out.
-
How does a black women tell she is pregnant?
When she pulls the tampon out and the cotton is already picked.
-
What do a burnt pizza and a pregnant woman have in common?
The guy didn't pull it out fast enough!
-
What do women and hand grenades have in common?
When you pull the ring off, your house goes away
-
What did the lobster do at the disco?
Pulled a muscle.
-
How do you know a gypsy woman is pregnant?
You put a piece of wire in her and if you feel pulling she is indeed pregnant.
-
What do Bristol Palin and Iraq have in common?
It's just so hard to pull out.
-
How do you know a black woman is pregnant?
When she pulls out the tampon, the cotton's been picked clean.
-
What do a frozen beer, a burnt pizza, and a pregnant girl have in common?
Failure to pull out in time
-
How are Jimmy Carter and the Long Island Railroad the same?
They both pull out of Roslyn every morning at 8:15.
-
Why did the updraft get pulled over?
It was speeding in a high shear zone
-
What do you call people who use the pull out method?
Parents
-
What do burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant chick have in common?
Some douchebag forgot to pull it out in time.
-
Why is England so special?
Only they can pull out of Europe twice in a week.
-
What did the Abominable Snowman do after he had had his teeth pulled out?
He ate the dentist.
-
What mustache can an alien not pull off?
A human chu
-
What do a burnt pizza and a baby have in common?
Some idiot pulled it out to late
-
How can a black woman tell if she is pregnant?
When she goes to pull out her tampon and all the cotton's been picked.
-
How do you know when a grenade is thrown by a blonde?
When you can pull the pin and throw it back
-
What did the sign convention management do to the woman who kept pulling down their long signs?
Banner.
-
What do you do if a blonde person throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
-
Why do blonde's get confused in the ladies room?
A: They have to pull their own pants down.
-
What did the elephant say?
What did the elephant say when it was pulled out of a pit by the Balls? Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Ball!
-
Why did Frosty the snowman pull down his pants?
He heard the snow-blower was coming.
-
What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR &?
a STAGE CURTAIN? A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR..... it's SHOWTIME!!!
-
What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled behind a boat?
Skip
-
How can you tell if a black woman is pregnant?
When she pulls the tampon out the cotton is already picked.
-
What did the fisherman say to the sewage management person?
Would you pull that crap with a net?
-
What do a woman and a grenade have in common?
Pull off the ring and the house is gone.
-
What does a writer hope to get in a Christmas cracker?
A Pull-it-surprise!
-
Why aren't you allowed to smile when taking your driver IDs?
Because you won't be smiling when the cops pull you over.
-
Why couldn't the pig run?
He pulled his hamstring!
-
What do a pregnant teenager, frozen beer, and a burned pizza have in common?
Some idiot forgot to pull it out in time.
-
What did the snowman do when he saw a snow blower go by?
Pull down his pants.
-
What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?
If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.
-
What is the meanest practical joke one can pull on a blind person?
Leaving a plunger in the toilet.
-
What did Luke get for pulling Darth Vader's face mask off?
A 15 yard penalty.
-
What's the difference between the stock market and women?
With the stock market you can only lose when you pull out.