Push Jokes
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Where is the best place to screw a Mt. Goat?
The edge of a cliff, you are guaranteed she will push back!
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Why do Scotsmen screw their sheep by the side of a cliff?
Because they push back harder.
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Why can't t-rexs do push ups?
Because they have been extinct for 65 million years.
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Why are you always pushing me around and talking behind my back?
I said, "well, you are in a wheelchair".
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What did the husband say to his wife when he tried pushing it in as much as he could, but it still wouldn't fit?
He said "I'm going to try on a different shoe size."
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How do you stop a mexican tank?
You shoot the guy pushing it.
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How do you make a tuna roll?
Push it down a hill.
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What was the internet like in the old days?
Me: *opens door* *pushes 16 outside* *locks door*
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How do you stop a Polish battletank?
Shoot the guy pushing it.
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How do you stop an Albanian tank?
You shoot the guy pushing it.
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How many retards does it take to push a bus?
Just one. They're retardedily strong.
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Why do push up bras not work for some girls?
Because 0x0 is always 0.
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How many IBM CPUs does it take to perform a logical right shift?
A: 32. One to hold the bits and 31 to push the register.
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Why do the Lanisters have such big beds?
Because they push 2 twins together to make a king.
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How do you stop a French tank?
A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it!
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What is more funny than a penguin sliding down a hill?
The penguin who pushed him!
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What did the proctologist ask the restaurant goer?
Can I push your stool in?
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How do you stop a Polish tank?
Shoot the guy that's pushing it
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Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?
Because they're easy to push around and never stand up for themselves
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Why are you pushing garlic into the computer's disk drive?
Pupil: To keep vampires off the Internet Teacher: But there aren't any vampires on the Internet Pupil: See It works doesn't it
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What's the best way to make an egg roll?
You push it! I deserve salmonella for even posting this...
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Why did Lucy fall off the swing?
Jimmy pushed her... Which is a shame because she was getting used to swinging without arms.
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Who pushed the neonate out an endometrium?
Your mom.
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Why did Sally fall down the hill?
I pushed her.
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Why is flatulence more satisfying after a long struggle to push it out?
Because you know you made a real ef-**fart**
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Why did the wheelchair-bound girlfriend break up with her boyfriend?
He kept pushing her around.
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Why did the blind women fall into a well?
Someone pushed her
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How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing?
Four. One to cut the hole in the ice and three to push the boat through.
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What do you get if you push a piano out of a plane over a military base?
A flat major
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How do you stop an Ethiopian tank with a gun?
Shoot the people pushing it.
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What do you get when you push a piano down a mining shaft?
A flat minor.
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Why do Lannisters have such big beds?
GoT because they push twins together to make a king.
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Why did Suzie fall down the stairs?
I pushed her
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What are you doing today?
2: 'Well, I think I can really push my limits' 1: 'Oh right, are you sure ' 2: 'I'm definite'.
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What did the poop said to the other poop?
Poop: Please don't push. It's already tight in here! Poop to Pee: May I go first? Meanwhile, Fart pushing everyone to the sides.. Fart: Excuse me! Excuse me! I need to go!
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What'll ya have?
Cat: Shot of rum. Bartender pours it Cat slowly pushes it off the bar Cat: Another.
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What do you get when you push a cow out of a plane?
Ground beef
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What does a push up bra and a dictatorship have in common?
They both oppress those on the inside. They both lie to those on the outside. And they both raise monuments to the fallen.
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How do you make an eggroll?
You push it.
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How do you manage that?
I think it was when I tried to push it through the letterbox.
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Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad?
Because it's soda pressing.
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What do you get if you push a piano down a mine?
A flat miner
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How do you stop an Armenian tank?
You shoot the guys pushing it.
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How do the Lannisters save money on new beds?
They push Two twins together to make a King
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How do you make an apple turnover?
Push it down hill.
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How do you make a Swiss Roll?
Push him down a hill. BONUS: How do you make French Wine? Invade.
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Why do the Lannisters have such a big bed?
They pushed two twins together and made a king.
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What's the difference between a hipster and a fire hose?
It takes more than one hipster to push the black people out of a neighborhood.
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What do you get when you push a piano out of the second floor window of an elementary school?
A flat minor.
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Why'd the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
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Why do the Lannisters have such big beds?
They push two twins together to make a king.
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Why are most Hotwheel cars Ford?
So people can grow up getting used to pushing a Ford.
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What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?
A Penguin rolling down a hill What's black and white and laughing The penguin who pushed him
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How do you make an egg roll?
You push it
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How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it's half empty.
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What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?
They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.
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Which is the quickest way to reach the hospital?
Bernard pushed him under a truck...
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Why did the Scot screw the sheep on the edge of a cliff?
So it would push back.
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What do you get if you push a gypsy off a bike?
Your bike back
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Why not?
It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.
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How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
None, he fell.
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Why was the tumblrina mad at the gamer?
He was pushing the right trigger.
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Who was that at the door?
Veronica: A lady with a baby in a buggy. Mrs Brown: Tell her to push off. "
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Whenever a waiter asks, "Do you want to hear about our specials?
push the menu aside and softly whisper, "I want to hear about you."
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Why do Democrats push for more gun control?
Because they can't stop shooting themselves in the foot.
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What do you call someone who pushes people down stairs?
A stairorist.