Rest Jokes
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What for ?
Ref: The rest of the match !
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What happens to the water level in the aquarium when one of the fish dies?
It rises because the rest of the fishes are crying :'(
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Why were the police at the day care?
Because some of the two-year-olds were resisting a rest.
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How long does it take to reach the ground from 100 stories up?
The rest of your life.
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Why is one floor taller than the rest of the floors in the building?
It's a long story.
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How many blonde jokes exist?
One. This one. The rest are all true.
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Why was the baby put in jail?
For resisting a rest. I'll take my coat
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Why are Saturday and Sunday so strong?
Because the rest are weekdays.
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What's it called when you try not to get knocked unconscious by a Taser?
Resisting a rest.
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How many members of an ethnicity does it take to perform a specified task?
A finite number! One member to perform the task, and the rest to behave in a manner stereotypical to the ethnicity in question.
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What did the cop say to the doughnut as he ate it?
Rest in **police**.
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Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
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Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other side?
ah wait, i can't remember the rest :/
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How are men like carpet tiles?
If you lay them properly the first time around you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.
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How many people from Quebec does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One: He holds the bulb and the rest of Canada revolves around him.
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What do elephants in the zoo get for lunch?
Half an hour, just like the rest of the animals.
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How many Kardashians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one as the rest of the world simply MUST revolve around them...
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Why did the insomniac get arrested?
He resisted a rest.
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What's the difference between Stanley Yelnats and the rest of the kids in Holes?
He was just a nerdy digger.
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What's the definition of the perfect woman?
Four feet tall, fold back teeth, flat head so you can rest your beer on it, and turns into a pizza at midnight.
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Why was the man sent to prison after staying up all night?
Because he was resisting a rest.
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How does a nihilist propose to his fiancee?
Even though my existence is meaningless I want to spend the rest of it with you."
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Why was the teacher arrested for writing in permanent marker?
He wrote "1 + 0 = 0" and then spent the rest of the lesson trying to rub one out...
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What did the police say to the man who wouldn't go to sleep?
He's resisting a rest!"
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Why was the car engine so loud, but the rest of the car terrible?
Because torque is cheap
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Why do Brides wear white?
To match the rest of the household appliances.
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Why don't you see Santa for the rest of the year?
Because for the rest of the year he's in prison for breaking into people's houses.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?
3, and the rest are true stories.
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Why does a montonegran man keep a chair next to his bed?
So he can have a rest after he gets tired from waking up.
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Where does Frankenstein's automobile go to rest..?
Boris' Karl loft.
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Why are locksmiths in Japan cooler than the rest of the world's locksmiths?
Because in Japan they're rocksmiths.
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Why do the bald seem to handle life so much better than the rest?
They're always eager for more on their pate.
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What is Laziness?
Logical Answer It is the Art of Taking Rest Before Getting Tired.
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How many white people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
All of them. One to hold the bulb and the rest to screw the world.
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How do you keep a club exclusively for straight edgers?
You weed out the rest
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What do girls and parking spaces have in common?
All the good ones are taken and the rest are disabled
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What's the worst thing about banging a girl with a cold heart?
The rest of her is cold too.
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What am I doing with the rest of my life?
I don't even know what I'm doing with the rest of this tweet...
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What did the lazy suspect say to the court?
I haven't done anything to warrant a rest.
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How many Bernie supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to hold the lightbulb, and the rest of the world to revolve around them
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What do you call a sleeping prisoner?
Under a-rest.
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What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein's monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
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Why does T-Pain always look well rested?
Because he is a NAPPY BOY!!!
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How many white people does it take to replace a light bulb?
One to hold the bulb, and the rest to screw the whole world.
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What's the difference between a clever midget and my ex-girlfriend, the trackstar?
One's a cunning runt... and I forget the rest, but your mother is a whore.
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What is a chameleon's motto ?
A change is as good as a rest !
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What did the tomato say to the cheese in court?
I rest my queso.
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Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?
A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.
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What days are strong days?
Saturday and Sunday, because the rest are weak days.
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Why does a bride wear white?
So the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.
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What do you do when you get to the top of the world's tallest mountain?
Have a rest. (Everest, get it?) Really awful joke, but I thought of it last night and was wondering if anyone recognised it? Who knows, it might be original....
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What did the candle say when it couldn't sleep due to his own candlelight?
There ain't no rest for the wicked
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How long does it take to reach the ground from 110 stories up?
The rest of your life.
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What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?
One of you is a sick duck, and I forget the rest, but your mother's a whore!
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What are some good Asian jokes you know?
I read some jokes from this sub to my Asian co-worker and she wanted me to ask if you guys have some good Asian jokes to help us get through the rest of the work day.
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What made the insomniac so boring?
He just wasn't into resting.
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What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
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Why did the cops show up at the elementary school?
A 1st grader was resisting a rest.
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How much rest does a bad Sheppard get?
Not a ton, he has a lot of sheepless nights.
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How many Bernie supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to hold the lightbulb, and the rest of the world to revolve around them
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If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program
the rest of them will write Perl
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Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?
Because the rest of the letters are not-E.
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Why did Clemson choose orange as its team color?
So they could play football on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up garbage the rest of the week.
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How many blonde jokes are there?
One... The rest are true stories.
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Why did the cop shoot the insomniac?
He was resisting a rest
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Why is Islam called the religion of peace?
After you leave the religion, you rest in peace.
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Why are men afraid of the world?
They spend 9 months trying to get out of a woman and the rest of their life trying to get back in.
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What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday...the rest are weekdays.
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Why couldn't the candle get any sleep?
Because there's no rest for the wicked.
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What do men and hardwood flooring have in common?
Lay 'em right the first time and you can walk all over them the rest of your life!
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Why did the 3 year old go to jail?
For resisting a rest.
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What does the rest of the colony call an old ant?
An antique.
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Why can't Irish do trigonometry?
They can't tan. Why can't Christians do trigonometry They can't sin. Why can't the rest of us trigonometry Just cos.
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What do I do when my luggage gets tired?
I rest my case.
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Why did the police shoot the black insomniac?
He resisted a rest.
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How many members of an identifiable group does it take to perform a common task?
A certain number! One to actually perform the task, and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of the group.
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Why does the USA use F?
The rest of the world has varying degrees of communism.
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Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
The rest are hunt'n peckers.
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How many Chinese people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, while the rest were kung fu fighting
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What do you say when a robot explodes into pieces?
Rest in pieces. I'll show myself out now.
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Why are most guys like floor tile?
Because if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them from the rest of your life!
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What do dead and black people have in common?
Well, I don't know. -They both get a rest, Ed.
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How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one to hold it in place while the rest of Europe runs circles around it.
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Why did the circus animals go on strike?
The elephants found out that they were being paid peanuts compared to the rest of the troupe and the ringleader was taking the lions share.
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Why didn't the rest of the fractions like "mc" very much?
Because he was generally known to be a square(ed).
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Why do only 20 percent of blonde chicks lay Easter eggs?
The rest are hunting peckers.
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Which actor is resting in pieces?
Alan RIPman
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Why is the letter 'c' afraid of the rest of the alphabet?
Because all the other letters are not c's. *** *ba dum tss*
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Why are notes natural leaders?
Because while a note makes a sound, the rest is silent.