Ring Jokes

  • How do you burn an Irishman ear?

    Ring him while he's ironing...

  • How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?

    He gave her a ring.

  • How do you know the universe likes Saturn?

    It put a ring on it.

  • Why do Americans order their dates Month/Day/Year?

    Because 11/9 just doesn't have the same ring to it.

  • How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

    He gave her a ring.

  • What do you call an Irish snake in Lord of the Rings?


  • Why's the couch smell like pee?

    Flashback to me watching The Ring alone Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."

  • Why Can't America tell knock knock jokes?

    Cause' freedom RINGS!

  • What did the author of The Lord Of The Rings say after he completed his books?

    If you like dialogue, theres a whole lot of Tolkein.

  • What kind of bell doesn't ring?

    A dumbbell.

  • Why did the dog run into the corner every time the door bell rang?

    because he is a Boxer

  • What's Rick Ross's favorite nursery rhyme?

    Ring Around the Rooooozaaay.

  • Why didn't Peter Jackson cast any black actors in The Lord Of The Rings?

    He was afraid they wouldn't be taken on their merits, that they'd just be seen as Tolkien blacks.

  • What do you say to a molecular biologist who's about to step foot into the ring?

    Show him what you're made of!

  • What do you call a ring of iron atoms?

    A ferrous wheel.

  • Why isn't there any knock knock jokes about the United States?

    Because freedom doesn't knock. It rings.

  • Why does Saturn have rings?

    God really liked it so he put rings on it.

  • What do witches ring for in a hotel?

    B-room service.

  • Why do church bells never send e-mails?

    They'd rather give each other a ring.

  • What do you call a guy that used to fight in the ring, but quit it all for video games?

    An ex-boxer.

  • Who played Gandalf in the Islamic version of Lord of the Rings?

    Syrian Mckellen

  • Why did the Hobbit put his phone on silent?

    Because he was bored of the rings!

  • Why did God put the ring on Saturn?

    Because he liked it.

  • What do women and hand grenades have in common?

    When you pull the ring off, your house goes away

  • Why couldn't Frodo drop the Ring into Mt. Doom?

    Force of Hobbit.

  • Why is marriage like thin toilet paper?

    Because you end up with a ring on your finger.

  • What has a ring but no fingers?

    The former owner of a Note 7

  • Why did Frodo set his phone to vibrate?

    He was afraid the ring would give him away.

  • How are a grenade and a wife similar?

    If you pull the ring off it, the house is gone

  • What's the similarity between Santa Claus and your doorbell ringing at 3am?

    It's your dad.

  • Why did Frodo set his cell phone to vibrate?

    He was afraid the ring would give him away.

  • Why don't women propose to men?

    Because the guy'd always be disappointed when she took out a ring.

  • Why is an engaged girl like a telephone?

    Because they both have rings.

  • What is not allowed in the ring, but boxers do every night?

    Hit the sack.

  • What is a Mormon's favorite movie?

    Lord of the Rings

  • Why did Pavlov ring a bell every time a breeze entered his room?

    Air Conditioning

  • Whats the best thing about dating a Cleveland Cavaliers fan?

    They never expect a ring

  • How's my driving?

    sticker on her car. Her phone hasn't stopped ringing since.

  • What do you want for your birthday this year?

    Vanessa: I want a divorce! Kobe: I wasn't planning on spending that much this year. Here's another ring.

  • What kind of ring is the least exciting?

    A BOring

  • Who should have played Bilbo Baggins in Lord of the Rings?

    Bruce Willis. Because old hobbits die hard.

  • Why is marriage is like an alarm clock?

    After the ring, you wake up!

  • What did C.S. Lewis say about The Lord of the Rings books?

    I don't know what you're Tolkien about!" Yeah, sorry.. I know it's dumb.

  • Why was the Lego boxer unmatched in the ring?

    He was a master of blocking attacks.

  • How is a telephone like a dirty bathtub?

    They both have rings!

  • What's the quietest element?

    A no-bell gas. Especially when the ringing noises Are-gon.

  • Why did the boxer bring a bar of soap into the ring?

    The referee said he wanted a clean fight. :D

  • What rings twice and screams once?

    Ray Charles answering the iron

  • Why can't an elephant ride a bicycle?

    Because he doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.

  • Where do boxers punch each other the most?

    In the ring.

  • What should you do when freedom calls?

    Let it ring.

  • What is Saturn's favorite movie?

    Lord of the Rings.

  • What are the three rings of marriage?

    The first one is the engagement ring...the second one is the wedding ring...and the third one is the suffering.

  • What do a woman and a grenade have in common?

    Pull off the ring and the house is gone.

  • How have you done that?

    I don't know how but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell he gives me a piece of cheese.

  • What did Mars say to Saturn?

    Give me a ring sometime.

  • What do LotR and Brokeback Mountain have in common?

    Someone's ring gets broken.

  • What do hand grenades and wives have in common?

    Remove the ring and your house is gone.

  • What do you get when you step into the ring with Mohammad Ali?

    Too soon