Rock Jokes

  • Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher?

    His life improved after he met the rock.

  • Why would you throw a rock at a Mexican man riding a bike?

    Because it's probably your bike. Why would you throw a rock at a black man riding a bike? Because it's probably your black man.

  • What's dumber than a box of rocks?

    The hippie carrying it. What's dumber than that? The yuppie buying it. What's dumber than that? The box of rocks

  • What did the naturalist say when he saw a number of rocks covered in moss?

    I'm lichen what I see"

  • How do Malaysian airlines serve all their drinks?

    On the rocks

  • What has 5 arms and rocks?

    Def Leppard

  • How do you put a baby to sleep?

    You rock them. What if it doesn't work? Use a bigger rock.

  • What's the difference between Biggie Smalls and Charlie Chaplin?

    One rocks the mic, while the other mocks the reich.

  • Why doesn't Dwayne Johnson's downstairs neighbor understand references to current events?

    He's been living under The Rock.

  • Why does the Earth love geologists?

    They really get it's rocks off

  • Why does The Rock love Sonic the Hedgehog?


  • Where the most likely place to find a crack whore?

    Between a rock and a hard place.

  • Why shouldn't you throw a rock at a Mexican riding a bike?

    Because that might be your bike

  • How are women and rocks alike?

    A: You skip across the flat ones.

  • Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?

    Because it was marble cake!

  • How did he die?

    The rock is kyptonite and the man is superman.

  • What did the rock say to the other rock?

    Im hard

  • What does Michael Bolton say when he walks into an elevator?

    This place rocks!"

  • What is a crack head's favourite song?

    Q: What is a crack head's favourite song A: I wanna rock!!! Well I found it funny anyway..

  • What's a priest's favorite type of rock?


  • Why are girls like rocks?

    You skip the flat ones.

  • What does The Rock said to his Girl Friend?

    Im Stoned :p

  • Why did the old woman put roller skates on her rocking chair?

    Because she wanted to rock and roll.

  • What did the brick say to the rock?

    Nothing, it's just a brick, what's wrong with you.

  • How did the cavemen in the far east protect them selves?

    They Rocked their doors.

  • What's the first thing an Owl asks when you trow a rock at it?

    HOOO did that!

  • When is Iran not Iran?

    When it's a rock.

  • How do rocks feel about moss?

    It's growing on them.

  • What did the Queen fans say at the stoning?

    We will We will Rock you!

  • Why should you not throw stones at a knight?

    Because heavy metal is harder than rock.

  • What did the geologist say when he got a rock for his birthday?

    I appreciate the sediment.

  • Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards?

    The stamps kept falling off the rocks!

  • What's the crackhead's favorite song?

    I wanna rock!

  • What do women and rocks have in common?

    You can skip the flat ones.

  • What type of music do lightning bolts listen to?

    Rock and Roll

  • What do you call a singer gently swaying from one side to another?

    A rocking Cher.

  • What's the best music to listen to while stoned?


  • What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?

    A double Manhattan on the rocks.

  • What did the pebble say to the rock?

    I wish I was a little boulder!

  • What did the boulder say to the other boulder?

    I rock. You Rock. We Rock. Disclaimer: This joke was made during a 6 hour road trip with the family. My only scenery was rocks.

  • Why doesn't The Rock just tell us what he's cooking?

    I can't pair wines like this.

  • How do you discipline your pet rock?

    You hit rock bottom!

  • How are women like rocks?

    You skip the flat ones.

  • What does a rock do all day?

    Nothing. (this joke was made by daughter when she was 5)

  • How is digging fence post holes like being the mayor of Toronto?

    It goes pretty smoothly until you start hitting the rock.

  • What's a cats favourite alcoholic drink?

    Whiskers on the rocks

  • What did one rock say to the other?

    Ha, you really think rocks can talk

  • What did the rock say when he went metamorphic?

    Holy schist."

  • What would the punishment be for smoking a joint in the times of Jesus Christ?

    You would get stoned. And then get rocks thrown at you.

  • What are a terrestrial planet's favorite genres of music?

    Rock and Heavy Metal

  • What caused Captain Morgan's shipwreck?

    He was on the rocks.

  • What happens when a rock gets high?

    He gets stoned.. Badum tsss

  • Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair?

    A: She wanted to rock and roll

  • Why do police officers sleep with two rocks near their bed?

    With one he turns off the light, With the other he checks if the window is closed

  • What type of rock is this Holmes?

    It's sedimentary my dear Watson!

  • What does a rock put on when it stinks?


  • How does a crackhead order their whiskey?

    On the rocks

  • What does a walrus and Tupperware have in common?

    What does a walrus and Tupperware have in common? .. They both like a tight seal *What looks like a lemon and shaped like a rock? .. A lemon shaped rock *What is brown and sticky? ..A brown stick

  • Why is crack a "Rock"?

    Because it's as hard to get off as Alcatraz.

  • Why are you picking up rocks?

    M: I'm starting a rock band. Neighbor walks away. That is how you get people to leave you alone.

  • Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

    Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

  • Which similarities do Bon Jovi and geologists share?

    They like rock.

  • Why can't rock climbing instructors get dates?

    Because they rappel men and women.

  • How to Get a Girlfriend: Out at Sea Me: *rocks boat* Her: Hey! Me: *rocks faster* Her: Can we PLEASE go steady?

    Me: I do.

  • How many rocks did Hank Schrader have in his collection by the end of Breaking Bad?

    None, they were all minerals.

  • What was the geologists' favorite Musical genere?


  • What is a mountain climber's favorite drink?

    Anything on the rocks.

  • What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Whitney Houston?

    Oc The rock Neil was on made him famous, the rock she was on made her dead.

  • How does a barnacle like its martinis?

    On the rocks.

  • Why is Patrick so dumb?

    He's living under a rock.

  • What's Sisyphus' least favourite type of music?

    Rock and Roll.

  • What's better than breaking the seal on a bottle?

    breaking the seal on a rock.

  • Why didn't the rock make it to work today?

    He was stoned

  • What is The Rock going to name his Daughter?


  • What type of rock is this?

    It has many layers compressed together.

  • What's the difference between rock and jazz?

    Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people. Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people.

  • What did the stone say to the hill?

    Let's Rock and Roll.

  • What's a baby seals favourite drink?

    Canadian club on the rocks.

  • What's the funniest thing the rock said to the geologist ?

    Nothing. Because rocks don't talk and geology's not funny.