Room Jokes
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How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold it in the socket and the other to drink until the room starts spinning!
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What is your funniest joke about the French?
Mine is this: How do you pick out the Frenchmen in a room full of naked soldiers? They're the ones with sunburned armpits.
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How many cops do you need to change a light bulb?
None. They just shoot the room for being black. Credit: donator on some stream said the joke and just wanted to share it.
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What did the inn keeper say to the Big Dipper when he asked if he could rent a room?
sorry this is only a four star hotel.
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Why did the hotel refuse hospitality to the Navy?
They didn't want their rooms covered with seamen.
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Why did Sweden change their immigration politics?
Because their Zoos ran out of room.
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What did Santa say when he saw your mom, sister, and girlfriend all together in the same room?
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
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What room is a ghost scared of?
The living room( haha get it )
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What kind of room has no walls?
A mushroom!
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How do you know when Santa's in the room?
You can sense his presents.
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How can a room full of couples be empty?
There isn't a single person left! Bwahahahahaha
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How many dwarves does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two one to hold the bulb and the other to serve him beer until the room starts spinning.
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How many heroin addicts does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room starts spinning!
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What's do pot and pusssy have in common?
You can tell the quality if you can smell it across the room.
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Which room will you be working out in?
Me: None of them, I just need to take a shower.
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Why did the hotel manager refuse to rent his rooms out to people?
He needed places to hide the bodies.
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How many moths does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, but more can join in if there's room in the lightbulb.
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How many Ferguson police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None... they just shoot the room for being black.
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What's worse than finding a sack of spider eggs in your room?
Finding a sack of hatched spider eggs in your room
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How many dwarves does it take to paint a room red?
It depends how hard you throw then against the wall.
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How do you tell if there's a Pilot in the room?
They've already told you.
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How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.
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What do you do if you enter a room and a clown is having a stroke?
Close the door and go to .
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How do you spot Al Gore in a room full of secret service agents?
A: He's the stiff one.
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What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a priest?
Only one of them goes limp when a child walks into a room.
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What room does a ghost not need?
A living room
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How many stoners does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, the room is already lit.
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How many American cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just beat the room for being black
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Why are Republicans so easy to point out?
They're usually the elephant in the room
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How many US cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they arrest the room because it's black.
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What do you get when you move 32 Texans into the same room?
A full set of teeth
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What do you call a room full of men watching the Super Bowl on a big screen TV?
The Patriots
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What do you give an elephant with big feet ?
Plenty of room !
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How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.
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What do you call a Serbian who won't clean his room?
Novak.
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How do you make an epileptic dance?
Throw a flashbang into the room.
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Why didn't the astronauts stay on the moon?
Because it was a full moon and there was no room.
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Why weren't the eggplants allowed into the mushroom party?
Because there wasn't much room and they aren't fun guys.
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What's the hottest part of a room?
The corner, it's 90 degrees.
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What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?
Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.
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What do you call a room full of psychics?
A scam!
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What's a room full of saurkraut?
Over-krauted.
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How many dead babies does it take to paint a room?
Depends on how you throw (idk if this is a repost)
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What did the teenage boy who was jerking off in his room say when his mother called?
One second mom, I'm coming!
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What do you hear when Bill Cosby walks into the room?
Zzzzip)
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How many cops does it take to arrest a broken light bulb?
Two. One arrests the room for being black. The other arrests the bulb for being broke.
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How many babies does it take to paint a room?
Depends how hard you can throw them.
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Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?
A: So she could use it as a mirror.
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Why did the prophylactic fly across the room?
It was peed off.
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What do you use to check your cell from across the room?
A telephono lens.
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How many times I have to tell you to stop making such a mess?
Go to your room.."
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What kind of room doesn't have any doors/windows inside?
A mushroom.
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What room is missing from almost every house?
a Mushroom
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How many drunks does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. He holds the bulb and the room spins.
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How many Russians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and other to drink until the room spins.
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How many assholes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It doesn't matter, mine itches so bad it's on fire, providing plenty of light for everyone in the room!
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How does a Mexican wrestler enter a room?
Through the Lucha-door.
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Why couldn't the astronaut book a room on the moon?
Because it was full.
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What do you get when you put 32 Rednecks in one room?
One full set of teeth.
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Why is it warmer near the corners of a room?
Cause they're at 90 degrees.
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What do you get when you put the entire South Carolina cheerleading team in one room?
A full set of teeth.
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Why is it called a living room?
Don't we live in every room
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How do you make the best Harlem Shake video?
You throw a flashbang into a room of epileptic children.
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What did one mexican say to the other mexican when there were no room in the van?
Yo no space.
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What do you get when you put 28 Alabama Sorority girls in one room?
A full set of teeth
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What's the difference between Here and There?
When you're right the whole room shouts "Here, here!" But when you're wrong one person pats you on the back and says "There, there."
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What do you call a room with no walls?
A mushroom. Some people don't think that this is a joke. But it makes me rofl all over the place.
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What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?
If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour it'll probably stop whining.
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How many Ferguson police does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they'll just shoot the room for being black.
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How do you know who in the room is a vegetarian?
Don't worry, they'll tell you.
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What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story, and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
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How many American cops does it take to change a broken lightbulb?
Two. One to arrest the room for being black, and the other to arrest the bulb for being broke.
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Who the hell does that in a sock?
squishes out of the room*
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What was it like?
Me: What was what like 10: Being alive in the 1900's Me: Go to your room.
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What do you get with a room full of 32 Alabamans?
A full set of teeth
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Why is a room of 50 doctors safer than a room with 1000 doctors?
You can't survive in 1000 degrees. *credit to my friend Neriah.
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What do you call a room full of comatose people?
A salad.
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Why does Poesche keep their engines in the back?
To leave more room for Paul Walker in the Front..
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How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just shoot the room for being black.
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Why do sailors drink so much?
We sleep better when the room is moving
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What room is it?
When you arrive at the international airport you are American. There is a room that changes your nationality. When you enter this room you are Russian, when you leave this room you are Finnish, and while inside European. What room is it?
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How many chameleons are in the room with you right now?
You can never answer this question with 100% certainty.
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Why does a VC always enter a room backwards?
To keep an eye on the exit
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How did the elephant get into the room?
We don't talk about it...
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How do you pump up a room full of shy introverts?
LETS GET READY TO MUMBLE!!!"
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What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave little boys rooms with empty sacks.
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How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.
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What do you call a credit union volunteer in a room full of bank directors?
A: A superior being.
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What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?
How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?
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How's my baby girl?
Me: I'm moving back in. Mom: Your room is ready. Me: No, your uterus! Mom: Steph you drink too much
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What did you just say!?
I recommend an immediate heart attack and let the paramedics carry you out of the room.
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How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the light bulb and one to drink until the room spins.
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How many ninjas are in this room?
As many as want to be!
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How hard do you think Joe Biden laughs when a senate's bill gets 69 votes?
I bet he has to leave the room.
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What do you have in a room full of tweakers?
A full set of teeth.
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What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?
They both leave little boys rooms with lighter sacks.
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Where do you go in the room when you're cold?
The corner, it's 90 degrees.
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Why is a room full of married people empty?
A: There isn't a single person in it.
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What do you get when you have Tiger Woods, Stephen Hawking, and Dwayne Johnson in the same room?
An Animal, a Vegetable, and a Mineral.
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How did Henry VIIIs wife enter the room?
Amble in (Anne Boyeyn) I made this joke up and am very proud of it :)
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Where are the posters?
WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! In other room *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*
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What do you call a crazy guy in a room full of mosquitoes?
A bit neurotic.
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What do you call Jimmy Savile walking down the street?
British ... a paedestrian... *grabs coat, shuffles out of room in silent shame*
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How many American cops does it take to change a broken lightbulb?
Two. One to arrest the room for being black, and the other to arrest the bulb for being broke.
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How do you depress a room full of geeks?
Hold the door! I'm a leaf on the wind!"
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What do you get when you keep two Lannisters in the same room for a bit?
3 Lannisters.
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What sits in the corner of the room, crying and getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a vegetable peeler.
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Why do I have to share a room with my twin sister?
ME: Because we only anticipated having one of you.
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Why did Pavlov ring a bell every time a breeze entered his room?
Air Conditioning
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Who is missing an egg?
there are 27 people in the room but on 53 eggs, you know what that means, someone is missing an egg.
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How can you tell if there is a pilot in the room?
He will tell you.
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What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A dog who can lick himself from across the room
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How many Meth-Heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, One to hold the lightbulb and Two to smoke till the room spins!
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Why did the teacher cross the room?
To get to the other slide.
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How many irish men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, One to hold the light and, one to drink until the room starts spinning!
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What do you call two witches who share a room?
Broom-mates.
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What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common?
No room
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What has dual airbags and has lots of room?
A: The White House.
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How do you tell the difference between Al Gore and the secret service when they're in the same room?
Al Gore's the stiff one.
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What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung
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How many Missouri Police officers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just shoot the room for being black.
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How much room is needed for fungi to grow?
As mushroom as possible
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What do you call 16 white girls in a room?
One whole Cherokee