Save Jokes

  • How best to save the iPhone from FBI?

    Crack it before they hack it.

  • Why are churches never broke?

    Because Jesus saves.

  • Why isn't the guy who wrote "Danger Zone" and the Saved by the Bell theme very active on social media?

    He forgot his Loggins

  • How many Heros does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    All, to save this world from the darkness.

  • Why women fail at saving money?

    Have you ever seen a money-box (piggy bank) with a hole at the bottom...

  • How do you save a drowning mouse ?

    Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !

  • Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?

    Because they can't stop saving their work.

  • Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

    He was too far out, man.

  • What can save a dying blonde?

    A: Hair transplants.

  • What bounces and makes kids cry?

    The cheque I just sent to Save the Children.

  • Why does the Catholic Church have so much money?

    Because Jesus saves.

  • Who is saved?


  • Who do you save?

    America. Keep right on going and don't stop.

  • Who gets saved?


  • Why were Popeye's forearms so big?

    Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage.

  • Who would you save first?

    Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!

  • What did 'b' say to his friend 'e' after 'e' saved his life?

    AY E! I O U edit: added Y

  • What do you call Protestants who want to save a dime?


  • What do you get when you cross Godzilla, saved by the bell, and crystal meth?

    Go go power rangers!

  • What's the only thing that could have saved George Michael?

    A whambulance

  • Why did the man wear a diaper to the bar?

    So he could save his stool.

  • How do you save a Republican from drowning?

    Take your foot off of their head.

  • How did the little boy save the catholic priest's life?

    He found a lump on his testicle.

  • What does a sandal do on Sunday's?

    It saves its sole.

  • What do you call a dog that wisely saves money for retirement?

    A 401(K-9).

  • How did you get those horrible burns?

    flashback to me enjoying some hot soup on a rollercoaster* I saved a litter of puppies from a fire.

  • How did he get so rich?

    By saving the gas money!

  • Why couldn't the hipsters save the hippies?

    They were too far out.

  • Why do gangsters save so much money on clothes?

    Cause all their pants are half-off

  • What made you go out on that dangerous pond ice and risk your life to save a friend?

    Boy Hero: I had to do it. He had my skates on.

  • What do you do with the time saved?

    Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what

  • What did adam say to eve?

    Let's save humanity.

  • Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz ?

    It saves so much time.

  • How do the Lannisters save money on new beds?

    They push Two twins together to make a King

  • Did you hear the story about the cheese that saved the world?

    It was legend dairy.

  • How does a Nun save herself from being poisoned?

    Nun chucks.

  • How do you save a suicidal procrastinator?

    Tell them it can probably wait 'til tomorrow.

  • How do you save a drowning black family?

    As a .jpg

  • Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy?

    He was too far out, man.

  • What saved the ship?


  • What did the barfly say to the other barfly?

    I saved you a stool.

  • How can we stop ISIS?

    EUROPE: How can we save our economy AMERICA: What color is this dress !

  • Why Did Superman Save a Burning Chemistry Lab?

    He was trying to save Krypton

  • Why can't you be successful like your brother?

    Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes

  • What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

    Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

  • Why didn't Tarzan and Jane manage to save their marriage?

    Because Tarzan was swingin' from three to three.

  • Why is it best to be bitten quickly by one mosquito?

    Because an itch in time saves nine.

  • Why wouldn't the worker accept 10 fresh chickens as a reward for saving a farm on fire?

    It was a poultry amount

  • What's the best way to save on toilet paper?

    Slow your roll.

  • Why was Jesus such a bad carpenter?

    He couldn't remove three nails to save his life

  • Why is it worse this time around?

    Thermal cameras mean I can't save anyone by hiding them in my roof.

  • Why was Simba unable to save his dad in the Lion King?

    He couldnt Mufasa enough.

  • Who get saved?

    The United States of America

  • What's the difference between Joe Paterno and Harambe?

    Harambe tried to save the kids.

  • What's the difference between Superman and Super Delegate?

    The first one saves people from criminals, while the latter saves criminals from the people.

  • How do dating sites in Alabama save money?

    They link to

  • Where did that offensive joke post go?

    I'm pretty sure I saved it to make reference to eventually and now I cannot find it. There was some gold in there.

  • Who was saved?

    The Russian people

  • Why did the hillbillies save some doe?

    Because they knew it would give them a buck in good time.

  • How do dogs save for retirement?

    With a Ruff IRA.

  • Why is Hannibal so rich?

    Well, he save on groceries.

  • Whoa. There are books on TAPE?

    Now I can stop reading while I drive. This is gonna save so many lives.

  • How'd you die?

    I got shot trying to save my fellow soldiers lives in war. You " "I got trampled trying to save on a flat screen" "Oh.."

  • How do you save a pirate's life?

    C P Arrr!

  • Why is Jesus so rich?

    Because Jesus saves.

  • Why wasn't the son of God worried when Microsoft Word crashed while he was writing his term paper?

    Because Jesus saves.

  • Which Jedi can save PDF files?

    Adobe Wan Kenobi

  • Why do men like love at first site?

    A. It saves them a lot of time.

  • Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire?

    Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!

  • What do you call a crocodile/robot sent from the future to save the past?

    Termigator (jesus christ this one's even worse than the last)

  • What song do turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?

    God save the kin Happy Thanksgiving!

  • How do french thank who save their files?

    Merci backup.