Save Jokes
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How best to save the iPhone from FBI?
Crack it before they hack it.
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Why are churches never broke?
Because Jesus saves.
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Why isn't the guy who wrote "Danger Zone" and the Saved by the Bell theme very active on social media?
He forgot his Loggins
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How many Heros does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
All, to save this world from the darkness.
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Why women fail at saving money?
Have you ever seen a money-box (piggy bank) with a hole at the bottom...
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How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
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Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?
Because they can't stop saving their work.
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Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
He was too far out, man.
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What can save a dying blonde?
A: Hair transplants.
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What bounces and makes kids cry?
The cheque I just sent to Save the Children.
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Why does the Catholic Church have so much money?
Because Jesus saves.
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Who is saved?
America
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Who do you save?
America. Keep right on going and don't stop.
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Who gets saved?
America
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Why were Popeye's forearms so big?
Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage.
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Who would you save first?
Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!
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What did 'b' say to his friend 'e' after 'e' saved his life?
AY E! I O U edit: added Y
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What do you call Protestants who want to save a dime?
Econoclasts.
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What do you get when you cross Godzilla, saved by the bell, and crystal meth?
Go go power rangers!
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What's the only thing that could have saved George Michael?
A whambulance
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Why did the man wear a diaper to the bar?
So he could save his stool.
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How do you save a Republican from drowning?
Take your foot off of their head.
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How did the little boy save the catholic priest's life?
He found a lump on his testicle.
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What does a sandal do on Sunday's?
It saves its sole.
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What do you call a dog that wisely saves money for retirement?
A 401(K-9).
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How did you get those horrible burns?
flashback to me enjoying some hot soup on a rollercoaster* I saved a litter of puppies from a fire.
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How did he get so rich?
By saving the gas money!
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Why couldn't the hipsters save the hippies?
They were too far out.
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Why do gangsters save so much money on clothes?
Cause all their pants are half-off
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What made you go out on that dangerous pond ice and risk your life to save a friend?
Boy Hero: I had to do it. He had my skates on.
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What do you do with the time saved?
Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what
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What did adam say to eve?
Let's save humanity.
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Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz ?
It saves so much time.
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How do the Lannisters save money on new beds?
They push Two twins together to make a King
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Did you hear the story about the cheese that saved the world?
It was legend dairy.
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How does a Nun save herself from being poisoned?
Nun chucks.
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How do you save a suicidal procrastinator?
Tell them it can probably wait 'til tomorrow.
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How do you save a drowning black family?
As a .jpg
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Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy?
He was too far out, man.
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What saved the ship?
flambuoyancy"
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What did the barfly say to the other barfly?
I saved you a stool.
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How can we stop ISIS?
EUROPE: How can we save our economy AMERICA: What color is this dress !
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Why Did Superman Save a Burning Chemistry Lab?
He was trying to save Krypton
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Why can't you be successful like your brother?
Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes
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What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?
Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.
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Why didn't Tarzan and Jane manage to save their marriage?
Because Tarzan was swingin' from three to three.
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Why is it best to be bitten quickly by one mosquito?
Because an itch in time saves nine.
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Why wouldn't the worker accept 10 fresh chickens as a reward for saving a farm on fire?
It was a poultry amount
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What's the best way to save on toilet paper?
Slow your roll.
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Why was Jesus such a bad carpenter?
He couldn't remove three nails to save his life
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Why is it worse this time around?
Thermal cameras mean I can't save anyone by hiding them in my roof.
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Why was Simba unable to save his dad in the Lion King?
He couldnt Mufasa enough.
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Who get saved?
The United States of America
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What's the difference between Joe Paterno and Harambe?
Harambe tried to save the kids.
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What's the difference between Superman and Super Delegate?
The first one saves people from criminals, while the latter saves criminals from the people.
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How do dating sites in Alabama save money?
They link to Ancestry.com
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Where did that offensive joke post go?
I'm pretty sure I saved it to make reference to eventually and now I cannot find it. There was some gold in there.
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Who was saved?
The Russian people
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Why did the hillbillies save some doe?
Because they knew it would give them a buck in good time.
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How do dogs save for retirement?
With a Ruff IRA.
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Why is Hannibal so rich?
Well, he save on groceries.
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Whoa. There are books on TAPE?
Now I can stop reading while I drive. This is gonna save so many lives.
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How'd you die?
I got shot trying to save my fellow soldiers lives in war. You " "I got trampled trying to save on a flat screen" "Oh.."
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How do you save a pirate's life?
C P Arrr!
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Why is Jesus so rich?
Because Jesus saves.
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Why wasn't the son of God worried when Microsoft Word crashed while he was writing his term paper?
Because Jesus saves.
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Which Jedi can save PDF files?
Adobe Wan Kenobi
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Why do men like love at first site?
A. It saves them a lot of time.
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Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire?
Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!
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What do you call a crocodile/robot sent from the future to save the past?
Termigator (jesus christ this one's even worse than the last)
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What song do turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
God save the kin Happy Thanksgiving!
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How do french thank who save their files?
Merci backup.