Scream Jokes
-
What is easier to load your van with bowling balls or screaming baby's?
Baby's because you can use a pitchfork
-
What would George Washington do if he were alive today?
Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.
-
Why was the pregnant woman screaming "wouldn't, shouldn't, couldn't!"?
She was having contractions.
-
What's the difference between friends and potatoes?
Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.
-
What is the difference between a doorknob and a Zika baby's head?
When you twist the doorknob it doesn't scream.
-
What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?
The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.
-
Why do most blind folks not skydive?
The sound of the dog screaming at 8000 feet gets to you after a while.
-
What do a hurricane and a divorce in Virginia have in common?
Screaming, crying, and somebody loses a trailer!
-
What's 18 inches and makes women SCREAM?
A stillborn.
-
What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?
The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)
-
What rings twice and screams once?
Ray Charles answering the iron
-
What's stronger, fifty watts of sound or fifty watts of light?
I don't care but would you please stop screaming, turning the lights on and off.
-
What's the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A pizza doesn't scream when you break it in 8.
-
What do you call a guy who screams, "I love you, mom!" every time he climaxes?
Me.
-
Why did raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?
She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face screaming "LIE TO ME"!
-
Why did the chicken run around screaming?
Because he had to use the bathroom.
-
What's white and red, 3 inches long, and makes dudes scream and run away when you show it to them?
A positive pregnancy test.
-
What Would Justin Bieber Do?
scream like a little girl, grab nonexistent testicles & run away awkwardly.
-
What's the difference between a moan and a scream?
About 3 inches
-
What do you call a screaming timepiece?
An alarmed clock.
-
Which part of the body goes to heaven first?
A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD
-
Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?
That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!
-
What was Hamlet screaming when running around a circle ?
2(pi)r or not 2(pi)r....(snicker)
-
What is 20 inches long and makes women scream at night?
A stillborn
-
What's worse than having a screaming child on your hands?
Having half a screaming child on your hands.
-
Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?
Kids: WE DO! YAY!
-
Why did the the acrophobe pothead start screaming?
She's afraid of heights.
-
What is Dracula's favorite pudding?
Leeches and scream.
-
What's red and white and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
-
Why did Raggedy Anne get kicked out of the toybox?
She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming "Lie to me! Lie to me!!!"
-
What did the hammer announce over the intercom to the evacuating screws screaming for help?
This is not a drill!"
-
How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'
-
What's taking the pharmacist so long?
It's just one prescription" *behind the counter the pharmacist is sinking in quicksand and screaming*
-
Why couldn't anyone hear Hellen Keller scream?
She was wearing mittens.
-
What's the difference between a kid and a drawer?
A drawer won't scream when I force my junk into it.
-
How do black people die from a drive by?
Everytime someone screams "get down! " they stand up and start dancing!
-
How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them?
Like, did you ask him Because only one of us is screaming right now.
-
When do ghosts usually appear?
Just before someone screams.
-
Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff?
She was wearing mittens
-
What screams "Allah Akbar" and then smashes your crockery to pieces?
A Daesh washer.
-
What do these 2 have in common What does your mum and a politician have in common?
When they scream they make no sense
-
Why was the Doctor screaming angrily at his secretary?
He ran out of patients.
-
What is loud and sounds like "apple"?
scream) APPLE!!!
-
What is a vampire's favourite soup ?
Scream of mushroom !
-
How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'
-
What's the difference between a dog barking at the front door and a woman screaming at the back door?
If you let the dog in, it will shut up.
-
What's brown and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron
-
What did Helen Keller scream when she got mugged?
Nothing. It was winter and she had mittens on.
-
What's cold and scary?
I-scream!
-
What's 9 inches long, pink, and women scream when you put in their mouth?
Their miscarriage
-
Why is some guy out there screaming insults at all the vehicles?
Sees sign PRE-OWNED CARS* "Oh."
-
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream.
-
What do you call an alpacca that screams when it sees fire?
A smoke aLaama.
-
What do white guys do that lasts hours and makes white women scream?
NASCAR
-
What screams, wails, and lights up?
A bus-load of babies on fire.
-
Whenever I'm bored I stop a stranger and ask "where am I?
and whatever they say I runaway screaming "Hahaha I'm a genius! I can teleport!"
-
Why can't Ewoks yell and scream in the house?
They have to use their Endor voices.
-
What's a monsters favorite desert?
I-Scream!
-
What's annoying about going 90 in a school zone?
The screaming speed bumps
-
What's black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
-
How many r/jokes redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer is 2. One to change the lightbulb while the other screams "REPOST"
-
Why did Helen Keller scream?
Her parents left the plunger in the toilet.
-
What is 19 cm long, pink and my girlfriend screams when i put it in her mouth?
her abortion
-
What's 18 inches long, and makes a woman scream the entire night?
Her dead baby.
-
What's the difference between a cigarette and my exwife?
Cigarettes don't scream when they're burning.
-
What's red and black and screaming all over?
Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.
-
What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?
The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.
-
What's black?
Whats black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
-
Why did the sand scream?
Because the sea weed. ha.
-
What is brown and screams?
Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.
-
What would George Washington do if he were alive right now?
Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.
-
What did Helen Keller do when she was drowning?
She screamed and screamed until her hands turned blue.
-
How can you tell the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
The picture doesn't scream when you hang it.
-
What's the difference between an M&?
M and a tiny mute in your tuna sandwich screaming for help? One melts in your mouth, one mouths in your melt.
-
What is black and white and screams?
A. A nun falling down a flight of stairs.