Screw Jokes
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How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. They stick the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them!
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How many pandas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Technically, just two, but it is really hard to get them to breed in captivity.
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How many Super Saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGONBALL ZEEEEE! (I really hope this isn't a repost)
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How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Oh, wait. That's a hardware problem.
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How many rudeboys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Twenty. 1 to drop it, 19 to go "Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up".
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How many Iranians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One hundred - One to screw it in and 99 to hold the house hostage.
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How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Not sure, first they have to figure out which way to spin it.
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How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in and one to complain that it's electrified.
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How many immature people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hehe... 'screw' Alternatively: 69, but everyone expects that one.
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How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!! YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN!!
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How many introverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Why does it have to be a group activity?
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How many people with Alzheimer's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
To get to the other side!
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How many aspiring actresses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know - normally they screw in the casting director's hot tub
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How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know... I broke the lightbulb after I threw the first one.
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How many black men does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
Just 1 because we are all equal and race has no impact.
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How many feminists does it take to screw in lightbulb?
It doesn't matter how many you get, because all they'll do is sit around complaining about how misogynistic the use of the word "screw" is.
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How many South Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A Brazillian.
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How many Anime characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 1, but it takes them 15 episodes to do it.
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How many people at a Music Festival does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Zero, its already lit
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How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, except she scissors it in.
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How Many Wal-Mart Workers Does it Take to Screw In a Lightbulb?
One to screw in the lightbulb, stock four carts of supplies, and handle seventeen simultaneous customers at any one time for five consecutive hours.
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How many Carpathians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, Vigo and see. (best read in Yanosh's voice)
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How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Wanna go ride bikes?
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How many climate change deniers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What are you talking about? The bulb is fine.
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How many idiots does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Trick question. Idiots can't screw in lightbulbs regardless of help from other idiots.
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How many abstract artists does it to screw in a lightbulb?
A fish!
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How many light bulbs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Light bulb.
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How many Heisenbergs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
If you know the number, you don't know where the socket is.
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How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3/5
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Actually agents will screw in just about anything.
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How many bugs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, as long as they can find a way in.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in zero lightbulbs?
Indeterminate
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How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One.
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How many optometrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One... or two One... or two
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How many bad joke tellers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One.
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How do you get Sigmund Freud to screw a lightbulb?
Tell him the lightbulb is his mother.
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How many saiyans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one. But it takes five episodes.
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How many Apple workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to over hype the new lightbulb and one to make sure it breaks within a year.
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What has six balls and screws everybody?
The lottery.
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Why does the Easter Bunny hide eggs?
Because, he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing a chicken.
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How many Carpathians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, Vigo and see. (best read in Yanosh's voice)
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How many college guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they prefer Natural Light
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How many librarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don't know but I can look it up for you."
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How many SJWs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
THAT'S *NOT* FUNNY!
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How many fuccbois does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
idk, you dtf tho
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How many Toronto Maple Leaf fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Nobody knows. They always say they'll do it next year.
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What's the difference between a virgin and a lightbulb?
You can un-screw a lightbulb.
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How many SCPs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
DATA EXPUNGED
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How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, that's a Mexican's job.
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How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Hella
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How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Californians don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs. (I remember this from the 1970s when I was in middle school. It's one of my first dirty jokes)
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It's not a bulb it's a globe.
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How many Jersey girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. They'll screw anything
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How many Bernie supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to hold the lightbulb, and the rest of the world to revolve around them
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How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just two. It only requires that either the people are very small or the light bulb is very large.
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How many absurdist/surrealist comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
November.
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How many Narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. But he doesn't screw it in, he just holds it and the world revolves around him.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Well first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know. They just keep going on and on about how the last one broke.
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What profession does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Driver
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How many programmers does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
None, that is a hardware problem.
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How many BLM protestors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one to hold the bulb while the world revolves around them.
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How many homeless people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Zero. Homeless people don't screw in light bulbs they screw in cardboard boxes.
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How many bees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but how do they get in there
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How many ladybugs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.
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How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hippies don't screw in lightbulbs they screw in dirty sleeping bags.
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How many engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the bulb and another to talk about how complicated it was.
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How many couples does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They can't, it'd be much too cramped. How would they even get in there in the first place?
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How many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Don't know, the pope hasn't said yet. How many Lutherans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, Lutherans don't change.
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How many bees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but I don't know how they got in there.
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How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a bad joke teller?
To get to the other side!
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How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to do it, a second to keep yelling, "You're lookin' BIG, man!"
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How many blondes does it take to screw a light bulb?
Just 1...blondes will screw anything.
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How many Chuck Norris' does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, no light bulb dare go out in the presence of Chuck Norris.
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How many boring guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One
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How many Freemasons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It's a secret!
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How many alternative school kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but they get extra credits for it
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How many chicken eggs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Literally dozens.
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How many immature people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
69
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Why did the Scot screw the sheep on the edge of a cliff?
So it would push back.
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How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's a really obscure number and you've probably never heard of it.
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How many Unidans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six: one to screw it in and five to cheer him on loudly while standing in front of other people's bulbs so no one can see them.
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How many public school teachers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Whatever it says in the book.
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How many James Pattersons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, but he'll just hire a ghostwriter to do it for him.
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What do Hillary and Bill have in common?
Both got screwed out of office
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How many Atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to actually do it, the other to film it so fundamentalists won't claim that God did it.
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How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1.99904274017 but that's close enough for non-technical people.
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What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.
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How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
We may never know the truth.
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How many moths does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just two, but how they get in there.. I don't know. (Stolen from an old Maxim in my dad's storage)
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What is the definition of a Wife?
An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
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How many French horn players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
100, 1 to screw it in and 99 to say how they could do it better.
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How many Germans do you need to screw in a lightbulb?
One. We're efficient not funny!
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How many eskimos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. Obviously.
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How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Trick question. Deadheads screw in sleeping bags.
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How many mitochondria does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they're the powerhouse of the cell.
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What have Disney and the U.K. got in common?
Both dropped the EU And screwed over a lot of people
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How many Vladimir Putins' does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they didn't Putin enough effort. Just a play on his last name, nothing more.
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How many corporate drones does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
That's impossible, because they can't climb the ladder.
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How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know... I broke the lightbulb after I threw the first one.
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How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about .2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.
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How many spiders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two.
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How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold it in the socket and the other to drink until the room starts spinning!
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How many sorority girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, but it must be an odd number because, "they can't even."
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How many crackheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one more.
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What does it mean if you look down and see four balls instead of two?
Careful, you might be getting screwed.
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How many surreal artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three, one to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bath tub.
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How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It depends on the definition of lightbulb.
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How many women does it take to screw a lightbulb?
Only one, but with a perticular FETISH
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How many suh boys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, its already lit fam. I cannot take credit for this due to being told this joke by a freind. He was in fact lit af.
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How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Let's go ride our bikes.
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How many BLM protestors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one to hold the bulb while the world revolves around them.
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How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Wanna go ride bikes?
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How many children with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Wanna go swimming?
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How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the ladder and one to screw your mother - I mean light bulb!
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How many Americans does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. Their President outsources the job to India.
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How many white people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
All of them. One to hold the bulb and the rest to screw the world.
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How many Chiropractors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but they'll take 30 visits to do it.
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How many teamsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
19 . Got a problem with that?
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How many puppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Do you know yet Me (in a sea of puppies): No, they haven't done it. Bring more
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How many zen buddists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One and not one.
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How many terrorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none, they blew it up already.
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How Many Friend Zoned Men Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?
None, they just all stand around complaining that it won't screw!
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How many sound guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, two... One, two.
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How many Gentlesirs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Screw is such a harsh word, M'Lightbulb. I have too much respect for lamps to use it." Tips fedora
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How many Greeks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, ......A Greek will screw anything!
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How many Arabs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1.. 2.. 3.. BOOM
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold it one to hammer it in.
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How many paranoids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Who wants to know? .... saw this joke in today's
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How many buzzfeed employees does it take to screw a lightbulb?
Click here to find out!
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How many friendzoned guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None they all stand around complementing it then get mad when it wont screw. Heard from my friend
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How many ballerinas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5,6,7,8!
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How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to screw it in one to watch and one to shoot the witness.
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How many Ellen Paos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. The mods do that for her.
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How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, that's a Mexican's job.
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Who's been screwing my wife?
A voice from the back of the bar shouts back, "You don't have enough ammo, mate!"
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. No two. No... How many do we have on the truck
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How many bricks do you need to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, but you're going to need a lot of patience and light bulbs.
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How many Americans does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. Their President outsources the job to India.
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How many Latvians does it take to screw a lightbulb?
Is dark. Bulb is potato.
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Why did the Carpenters wife leave him?
Because he was screwing around.
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How many hobos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in dumpsters
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How many Sand People does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
No one knows. They ride single file to hide their numbers.
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How many bad joke tellers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One.
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How many people from Chernobyl does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They glow in the dark.
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How many black guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
You cant count them when its dark
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How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Oh don't worry, they'll let you know.
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How many irish men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, One to hold the light and, one to drink until the room starts spinning!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten: one to screw it in and nine to say, "Pssh, I can do that."
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How Many Bit Coins Does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?
00000000000001adf44c7d69767585--5572eca4dd4-db7d0c0b845-916d849af76 PM me the answer!
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How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six. One to screw in the lightbulb and five to fend off all those Californians trying to share the experience.
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How many Borg does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Irrelevant, you will be assimilated!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many Coldplay members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, but he has to see Radiohead do it first.
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How many skateboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it in and one to film it. One, but it takes him fifty tries.
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How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, how did they get in there anyway?
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How many Serbs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to shoot the old bulb out and one to screw the new one in.
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How many mice does it takes to screw, in a lightbulb?
Two, as always.
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How many engineers do you need to change a lightbulb ?
You can take as many as you want but they will only give you the screwing direction.
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How many feminists does to take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one. She stands with the bulb and the world revolves around her.
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How many pot heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, we're stoned not stupid.
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How many amateur masochists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one; But it takes a WHOLE E.R. room to extract it afterwards. Double joke! "whole... hole." it's a play on words ;)
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How many musos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's a pretty obscure number. You probably haven't heard of it.
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What is a carpenters dream girl?
What is a carpenters dream girl? Flat as a board, skinny as a nail and easy to screw.
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How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about .2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.
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How many feminists does it take to screw a lightbulb?
One to screw it in and nine to write on their blogs about how enlightening the experiment was.
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How many tropical Birds Does it take to Screw in a Lightbulb?
Well, turns out one is not enough, but if you pair it, two can.
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How many 1st AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Why are you asking me that question Can't you see I'm busy!
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How many gnats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It only takes two, but the trick is getting them in the lightbulb.
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Why does it take so long for a pro-lifer to screw in a lightbulb?
They love to watch mistakes being made.
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How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
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How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A Brazilian.
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Why was the Robot angry at the engineer?
Because he screwed his wife!
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How many defensive coordinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Zero. You can't fit a hairless ten-year-old inside a light bulb.
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How many communists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. Each lightbulb contains the means of its own revolution.
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How many bricks do you need to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, but you're going to need a lot of patience and light bulbs.
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How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Find out next time, on Dragonball Z!
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Why do Scotsmen screw their sheep by the side of a cliff?
Because they push back harder.
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How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold it in place, another to rotate the universe around it.
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How many country singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw in the lightbulb and another to sing about all the good times they had with the lightbulb.
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What does it mean if a dude looks down and sees four balls instead of two?
He needs to be very careful, because he may be getting screwed.
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How many anti-feminists does it take to screw the light bulb?
Anti feminists Nah, they can't screw
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How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one. But it takes 20 episodes
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How many Persona fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. 1 to screw it in, and 1 to complain that it's not dark enough.
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How many scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: I don't know, I'm no scientist
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Why did the carpenter's wife leave him?
He was screwing around when he was supposed to be nailing her.
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How many suh dudes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None 'cause it's already lit, fam.
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How many black guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
You cant count them when its dark
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How many friendzoned guys does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they'll just keep complimenting it and get mad when it doesn't want to screw.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
None. Mice can't change light-bulbs as they are mere rodents without the physical or mental ability to do so. Not to mention it's much safer for them to pilfer food in the dark.
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What two words result in the most marriages?
Screw it. EDIT: has a better answer lol
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How many feminists does it take screw in a lightbulb?
One she holds it in the socket and waited for the world to revolve around her.
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How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb.
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How many people from Brazil does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A Brazilian!
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How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Significantly more than zero, *p* < .001.
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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Need to know ASAP.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I've got this neat candle holder...
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How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Wanna go ride a bike?
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How many bugs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, as long as they can find a way in.
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How many clergymen does it take to screw a lightbulb?
Amen.
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How do you know a blonde likes you?
A: She screws you two nights in a row.
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How many reddit admins does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Seriously who knows? It's pitch black in here.
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What's so dark about blonde jokes?
They still haven't figured out how to screw in the lightbulb
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How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they're all screwed.
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What do you get when you cross the world's most famous skater with the world's best physicist?
A video game so realistic, when you screw up you have to play in a wheelchair.
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What did Little Bo Peep say to Woody when she got caught screwing Buzz?
You got a friend in me.
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How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, because little boys don't fit in a lightbulb.
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How many 'suh goods' does it take to screw in a light bulb?
none its already lit sam hahahah ssoooohh
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How many contradictory Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Nein.
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How many alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
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How many racecar drivers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's impossible, they only know how to turn to the left.
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How Many Martians Does It Take to Screw In a Lightbulb?
At least two, but they have to be pretty small to fit.
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How many Millennials does it take... to screw in a lightbulb?
None. Their parents will do it for them.
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How many Screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The bulbs IN and it's staying IN!
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How many bees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but how do they get in there?
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What has 90 balls and screws old women?
Bingo!
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Why won't Hillary ever pull out?
She's never finished screwing people.
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How many publishers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in and two more to hold down the editor.
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What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies?
A. Bingo!
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How many MRAs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They just blame feminism for the darkness.
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How many talking heads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb, and another to spin the story until the bulb fits.
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How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They don't need to, they glow in the dark...
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How many blondes does it take to screw a light bulb??
Just 1...blondes will screw anything.
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How Many Dragonball Z Characters Does it Take to Screw in a Light-bulb?
just one, but it will take 4 episodes.
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How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It takes 1 to screw it in, and 99 to tweet about it.
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How many Feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. Men can be Feminists, too.
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When a hot blonde walks in. The one lawyer says, "Man, wouldn't you like to screw that?
and the other lawyer replies, "Outta what "
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How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but the light bulb has to *want* to be screwed in.
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How many Bernie supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to hold the lightbulb, and the rest of the world to revolve around them
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How many white girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Pshh....white girls don't know how to screw.
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How many ballerinas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5,6,7,8!
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How many bears does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The bear minimum
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How Many Feminist does it take to Screw SRSer ?
None, Even Feminist have standarts
-
How many rats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but you have to get them in the lightbulb first.
-
How many redditers does it take to change a light bulb?
3. One to screw it in, the next to claim credit and the third to be a bot that reposts.
-
How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.
-
How many Russians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it in, and one to shoot him if he does it wrong.
-
How many members of Coldplay does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, but he'd have to watch Radiohead do it first.
-
How many does it take to screw in lightbulb?
thread! Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb A: THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
-
How many married women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Yeah right, like married women ever screw anything other than poolboys.....
-
What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?
Bingo.
-
How many activists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, because they can't change anything.
-
How many reddit users did it take to screw on a light bulb?
They could not do it, they are all autistic.
-
How many cynics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Doesn't matter. Lightbulb is going to die anyway.
-
How many 2nd trumpets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They can't get that high! (My band teacher told me that one today)
-
How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Actually agents will screw in just about anything.
-
How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn't matter, they all turn them the the wrong way.
-
How many dragon Ball z characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many dragon Ball z characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but it'll take at least 6 episodes!
-
How many Southern Baptists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Change !
-
How many Survivors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to start screwing it in and the rest to vote 'em off the ladder.
-
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a fish?
Lightbulb.
-
How many 1st AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Why are you asking me that question Can't you see I'm busy!
-
How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One.
-
How many /r/twoxchromosomes posters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Ten. 1 to screw in the lightbulb, and the other 9 to provide emotional support.
-
How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and one to give it a surprising twist at the end.
-
How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.
-
How many narwhals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Bacon
-
Why did the computer act crazy?
It had a screw loose.
-
How many UPM's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None! If you'd just make it a day exterior we wouldn't be screwing around with all these damn light bulbs!"
-
How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb.
-
How many literalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One.
-
How many midgets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I'd be surprised if you could fit two in there
-
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs and infinity pools.
-
How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, but they'd have to be really small.
-
How many Greek Catholic monks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
a Basilian.
-
How many good presidential candidates does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Its gonna be a dark four years, now isn't it
-
What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?
He screwed, nutted, and bolted.
-
How many Scene kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Some obscure number, you've probably never heard of it
-
How many redditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Who cares, because How Can Light Be Real If Our Eyes Arent Real?
-
What do pancakes and kids have in common?
The first one usually gets screwed up.
-
How many bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. Five. One.
-
How many isolationists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they prefer to live in the dark.
-
How many homeless people does it take to screw a light bulb?
does anyone know of any good jokes about homeless people.?
-
How many Libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Does it even matter? We're all screwed anyway, man."
-
How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just shoot the room for being black.
-
How many Egalitarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Doesn't matter, they'll just screw it one rotation one way and one rotation the other way and call it equality.
-
How many of my ex-girlfriends does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. Apparently she will screw anything.
-
How many Microsoft executives does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They just redefine 'darkness' as an industry standard.
-
How many pixies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.
-
How many aspiring actresses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know - normally they screw in the casting director's hot tub
-
How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, it's a hardware problem!
-
How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: WHAT
-
How many survivors of nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. People that glow in the dark don't need lights.
-
Why did the chicken walk into the bar?
To screw in the lightbulb.
-
How many Germans does to take to screw in a light bulbs?
NEIN, NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN
-
How many depressed people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Who cares...
-
How many sound technicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One....Two...One, Two...
-
How many Saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one... But it takes 4 episodes and Krillin dies...
-
How do Astronauts screw in a lightbulb?
They don't: They screw in a vacuum.
-
How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, because little boys don't fit in a lightbulb.
-
How many 'suh goods' does it take to screw in a light bulb?
none its already lit sam hahahah ssoooohh
-
How many Hipster's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Oh, just some number you've probably never heard of.
-
How many hillbillies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2. A man, his wife, and his cousin
-
How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb.
-
How many cops does it take the screw in a lightbulb?
The same number it takes to screw public confidence in law enforcement
-
How many Anti-Vaxxers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As a mother, I choose not to screw it in. Light bulbs are dangerous weapons created by the Soviet Union, and I will not screw it in; it could severely hurt my child. As everyone knows, light bulbs are the principle source of autism in this world, and I have to take a stand on it.
-
How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A lot, apparently. Have you seen their new building?
-
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It's an obscure number, you have probably never heard of it.
-
How many sycophants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many do you want?
-
How many Bolsheviks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None - the lightbulb has the capacity for its own revolution
-
How many monkeys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Monkeys screw in trees.
-
How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one. They are very efficient and don't have much of a sense of humor.
-
How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
-
How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in and one to take credit for it.
-
How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes three episodes.
-
How many members of Coldplay does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but he has to see Radiohead do it first.
-
How many gangsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Twelve, you got a problem with that
-
Where is the best place to screw a Mt. Goat?
The edge of a cliff, you are guaranteed she will push back!
-
How many blind people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I am not sure, I haven't seen them try and I can't do it either.
-
How many dads does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to put it in and one to complain that he never screws anything anymore.
-
How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Nobody knows, there's no light.
-
How many Libertarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
If it's their lightbulb, none of your damn business.
-
How many Duggars does it take to screw a planet?
EOM
-
How many members of Linkin Park does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, cuz in the end it doesn't even matter!!!
-
How many Arabs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1.. 2.. 3.. BOOM
-
What's long and hard and screws people?
An exam.
-
How many teenage mutant ninja turtules does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. It's a huge problem.
-
How many anti-feminists does it take to screw the light bulb?
Anti feminists? Nah, they can't screw
-
How many Dave Matthews fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
There are Dave Matthews fans
-
What's the difference between a nail, a screw, and a bolt?
A girl raises her hand and says, "I don't know. I've never been bolted before."
-
How many women does it take. . . to screw in a lightbulb in a convent?
Nun.
-
How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Uh...standby I'll check on that.
-
How many pregnant women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one. She holds it while the world revolves around her.
-
How many Duggar does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They screw children, not light bulbs.
-
How many teenage girls does it take to screw..... in a lightbulb?
Just one to hold it up as the whole world revolves around her.
-
How many buzzfeed employees does it take to screw a lightbulb?
Click here to find out!
-
How many Dragon Ball characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just 1, but It'll take 7 episodes for him to do it.
-
How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
WANNA RIDE BIKES
-
How many short term memory loss patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
to get to the other side..
-
How many people from Quebec does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One: He holds the bulb and the rest of Canada revolves around him.
-
How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Change it to what
-
How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three to screw it in and Bono to explain it to the world.
-
How many hamsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two.
-
How many Vietnam veterans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW SON YOU WEREN'T THERE!!
-
How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. They hold it in place and wait for the world to revolve around them.
-
How does an engineer screw a light-bulb?
He holds the light-bulb over the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him.
-
How many Ayatollahs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None-there weren't any light bulbs in the 13th century.
-
How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. They stick the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them!
-
How many IT guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, that's a Facilities problem.
-
How many conspiratards does it take to screw in a light bulb....?
NONE! ITS A SECRET GOVERNMENT PLOT TO KEEP US IN THE DARK!"
-
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2 . One to screw it in and another to say, "I could do that".
-
How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Who gives a cluck (I wonder if the moderators will censor this joke merely on the grounds that it is categorically terrible )
-
How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only two, but you've got to wonder how they climbed up there!
-
What's your favourite priest and a rabbi joke?
Been awhile since I've her some priest and a rabbi jokes. Hit me with your best one! Mine: a priest and a rabbi are waking down the street The priest asks " wanna screw some kids?" The rabbi replies "out if what?"
-
How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but when he unscrews the bulb, the lights go out and your xbox is gone.
-
How many Einsteins does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Relatively few
-
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Depends on how many cops planted it there
-
Why can't Africa have Volkswagen beetles?
Because an elephant will screw anything with a trunk in the front. Thanks to a random guy outside of a 7/11.
-
How many Heros does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
All, to save this world from the darkness.
-
How many Ukrainians does it take to screw a lightbulb?
You don't need to, they glow in the dark.
-
How manny women dose it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one she hokds the blub and the world revolves around her.
-
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It only takes two mice to screw in a light bulb. The hard part is getting them in there.
-
How many abstract artists does it to screw in a lightbulb?
A: A fish!
-
How many flys does it to take screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.
-
How many frat boys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Four. One to change the bulb, three to stand around so he has someone to hi-five after.
-
How many dwarves does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two one to hold the bulb and the other to serve him beer until the room starts spinning.
-
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.
-
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?
to get to the other side
-
How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one more guys I promise.
-
How many Chernobyl survivors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They already glow.
-
How many cuckolds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. Somebody else does the screwing for 'em.
-
How many Atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to actually do it, the other to film it so fundamentalists won't claim that God did it.
-
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs and infinity pools.
-
How many Camera Assistants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five: One to do it and four to tell you how they did it on the last job.
-
How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It takes four. One to screw in the bulb, and three others to watch and say, "Really dude, you look huge!"
-
How many amateur masochists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one; But it takes a WHOLE E.R. room to extract it afterwards. Double joke! "whole... hole." it's a play on words ;)
-
How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Wanna go ride bikes
-
How many bears does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The bear minimum
-
How many perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one. But it takes the whole ER to get it out.
-
How many old-timey gangsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: We ain't sayin' nuthin'.
-
How many chicken does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Still counting. Those darned birds can't seem to cross the road to get over here to screw in the light bulb.
-
Why is it called Justice League of America?
Do they follow territorial boundaries? If the Kaos Kommandos start a brawl in El Paso and it rolls over into Juarez, do they say "screw it, let Justice League of Mexico handle it"? (Sorry if this isn't technically a joke; it was my shower thought this morning and I thought it was funny.)
-
Why do failing college girls always screw their professors?
Cause they want the D.
-
How many Bolsheviks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None - the lightbulb has the capacity for its own revolution
-
How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to assure that everything possible is being done about the situation and the other one to screw it into the faucet.
-
How many frames per second does it take to screw in a light bulb?
30 because that's peasants work.
-
How many narcissists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One narcissist. The narcissist holds the lightbulb in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him.
-
Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? A: Because he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing the chickens.
-
What has 75 balls and screws old ladies?
Bingo!
-
How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
NINE!
-
How Many Kids With A.D.D Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?
Wanna go ride bikes??
-
What do Kanye West and North Korea have in common?
They are both being screwed by a person named Kim.
-
Why did the family not laugh at the Obstetrician's joke?
Because he screwed up the delivery...
-
How many racists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Racists dont like to be enlightened.
-
How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
17, 1 to hold the lightbulb, 1 to hold the ladder and the other 15 to drink whiskey until the roof spins
-
How many non-humorous people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One
-
How many Norwegians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
7
-
How many homophobes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They don't accept change, even if it means a brighter world.
-
How many Public Radio hosts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
We'll be back with that answer right after this pledge break.
-
How many countries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five. Germany to start it, France to try and then give up almost immediately, Italy to start, give up, and try again from the other side, America to finish it and claim credit for the whole thing, and Switzerland to sit in the dark and pretend that nothing happened.
-
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fish.
-
How many koalas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, given that he's koali-fied for the job.
-
How many people does it take to screw a lightbulb?
Just one guy with a really weird fetish.
-
How many Chinese people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, while the rest were kung fu fighting
-
How many Karma whores does it take to screw on a lightbulb?
When this reaches 500 upvotes I'll tell you.
-
How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to get it 95% done, and the second to give it the twist at the end.
-
How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
A: 50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
-
How many South American people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A Brazilian
-
How many ska kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to drop it and six to pick it up pick it up pick it up
-
How many divorced men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Who knows, they never get the house.
-
How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn't matter, they all turn them the the wrong way.
-
How many PA's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine........one to do it and eight others to wish they'd been asked.
-
How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
5. 1 to screw in the light bulb, and 4 to remark on how grand the old one was.
-
How many millenials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one. They hold it in place while the world revolves around them.
-
How many stoners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, I just set the bulb down somewhere, now I can't find it. Where the hell did the bulb go?
-
How many homeless guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2, but I have no idea how you're gonna fit both of them inside a lightbulb.
-
How many Communists does is take to screw in a light bulb?
All of them.
-
How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One because his knee grows.
-
How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hella.
-
How many blacks does it take to screw in a light blulb?
Three Fifths
-
How many people from rio does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A Brazilian. Saw this joke elsewhere and thought i'd share it here.
-
What happened when Jesus 'screwed' around?
He got *nailed*.
-
How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Wanna go ride bikes?
-
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
-
How many ameobas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. No, two! No, four! No, eight! No, sixteen! No, thirty-two! ...
-
Why do old men need Viagra?
Because they are screwing old women!
-
How many lazy people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Count for yourself...
-
How many people on a beach does it take to screw in a light bulb?
depends on how many survivors there are. too soon.
-
How many reddit offices does it take to screw you in a light bulb?
yishan
-
How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, first off, it's called a lamp...
-
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5 1 to hold the bulb and 4 to spin the ladder.
-
How many /r/jokes reposts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Apparently a lot, because that lightbulb still isn't screwed in.
-
How many Highlanders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.
-
How many Elvis impersonators does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One for the money, two for the show.
-
How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. He is drunk, and he tells the bulb to screw itself.
-
How many Anime characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 1, but it takes them 15 episodes to do it.
-
How many Kings of Spain does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Juan
-
How long does it take a necrophiliac to screw in a light bulb?
Not long... they like to do it while it's still warm.
-
How do feminists screw in a lightbulb?
By holding the bulb up to the socket and waiting for the world to revolve around them EDIT: Rip inbox EDIT 2: Thanks for the gold!
-
What do you do if can't change a lightbulb?
Ya know what Just screw it.
-
Who gets the job of writing the fortunes in the cookies?
I want that job. I could really screw with some people.
-
How many Vietnam Vets does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: YOU DON'T KNOW, MAN, YOU WEREN'T THERE!!! YOU DON'T KNOW!!!
-
How many monastic women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None... they live an ascetic lifestyle and prefer to not use electricity.
-
How many NorCal kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hella
-
How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb.
-
How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
One. He stands in place while the whole world revolves around him.
-
What's your favorite racial (but not racist) joke?
How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A Brazilian!
-
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
-
What's the definition of divorce?
The screwing you get for the screwing you got!
-
How mani Iowa citizens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
4 no 5 no 6 no its really 4 - not sure, better flip a coin to get the right number
-
How many members of the NRA does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More guns.
-
How many Apple workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to over hype the new lightbulb and one to make sure it breaks within a year.
-
How many house flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just the standard two, but I'll be damned if I know how they got in there.
-
How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Somewhere between 0 and infinity.
-
How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, although it's probably screwed in too tight anyway.
-
What do blondes and turtles have in common?
When they're on their backs, they're screwed.
-
How many koalas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Technically just one, as long as he's koalafied.
-
How Many Hillary Supporters Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?
Why NONE of course, they prefer to remain in the dark!
-
How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."
-
How many WoW devs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Doesn't matter. They'll just nerf darkness next patch instead.
-
Why did my friend get a screw in her pizza?
She is allergic to nuts.
-
How many factory farmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they would rather keep you in the dark!
-
How many consultants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I'm not sure but I'll have an answer for you next Monday.
-
How many gnomes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just the two, really. Or as many as will fit, if theyre feeling frisky.
-
How many women with PMS does it take to screw-in a light bulb?
Two. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . IT JUST DOES, OKAY?
-
How many buddhists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they enlighten themselves.
-
What's got 24 balls and screws small animals?
A shotgun shell.
-
How many Buddhists does it take to screw a light bulb?
None. They believe that the enlightenment comes from within.
-
How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A lot, apparently. Have you seen their new building?
-
How many minimalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1
-
How many NBA refs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they only screw playoff games.
-
How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
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How many feminists does it take to screw a vegan?
Lightbulb.
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How many Studio Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: We don't know. Light bulbs last longer than studio executives.
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How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
WANNA RIDE BIKES
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How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but you have to get them in there first.
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How many twists does a feminist need to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just grab it and the world to revolve around them.
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How many Tenors does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?
Trick Question. They only think they can reach that high.
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How many /r/news mods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They like to keep their subscribers in the dark.
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How many I.T. workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none, just upgrade to windows
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How many communists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One guy to screw in the light bulb, and the other guy to shoot him if he doesn't do it right.
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How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None the keyboardist can do it with his left hand.
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How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Hippies don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in tents.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb they screw in a hot tub.
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How many I.T. guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none. That's a hardware problem but have you tried turning it on and off again
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How does Kanye West screw in a lightbulb?
He holds the lightbulb and the world revolves around him.
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How many Osamas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. They don't have lightbulbs in caves
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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Fish
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How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.
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How many activists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, because they can't change anything.
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How many alternative school kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but they get extra credits for it
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How many Germans does it take screw in a lightbulb?
He said Nein My dads jokes are the wurst I tell you.
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How many white people does it take to replace a light bulb?
One to hold the bulb, and the rest to screw the whole world.
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How many retarded Italian gardeners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One but don't expect results.
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How many boring guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One
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How many Ayatollahs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How many elves does it take it screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they have to be very small.
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How many Mizzou students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Whys the lightbulb got to be white !*"
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How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two! But don't ask me how they got inside there.
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How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. But I don't know how they got in there.
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Why do robots make bad boyfriends?
They just screw, nut, then bolt.
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How Many Muslim Women Does it Take to Screw In a Light Bulb?
Silly, Muslim Women aren't allowed to screw in light bulbs.
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How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.
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How many nuts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A Brazilian
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. 1 to screw it in and 2 to talk about how much better Neil Peart could've done it
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Why was my boss surprised to see me screwing with the IT guy?
They said IT couldn't be done
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How many redditors does it take to screw in a new lightbulb?
Zero. Somebody already did it.
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How many socialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
All of them.
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How do you keep a ghoul from biting his nails?
A: Replace the nails with screws.
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How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We don't address hardware issues.
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How many refs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They only screw playoff games
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How many?
How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb? None - it's probably screwed it too tight anyhow!
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Why is your brother always flying off the handle ?
Second Boy: Because he's got a screw loose !
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How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hella.
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How many moths does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, but more can join in if there's room in the lightbulb.
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How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2...and don't ask me how they got in there. (My 87 year old grandma just told me this one)
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How many pick-up artists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Zero. They just keep praising and negging it, and then get upset when it doesn't screw.
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How many Nickelback fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Trick question! There's no such thing as Nickelback fans. (I will be hated by few)
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How many blind people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I am not sure, I haven't seen them try and I can't do it either.
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How many Honor Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 22 one to screw it in 21 to shoot the bulb.
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How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One? Or two? One? .... Or two?
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How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10000 - to give the bulb a cultural revolution.
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How many politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
You hold the lightbulb and every politician screws you!
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What's the best thing about screwing twenty one year olds?
There are twenty of them.
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How many muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Sorry comments are unavailable on this joke.
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How many blondes does it take to screw a light bulb??
Just 1...blondes will screw anything.
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How many light bulbs did it take to screw a human?
None, there not too bright with doing anything except showing us where to go when were lost in the dark
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How many Astros fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Both of them.
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Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?
A: The balls are lighter and you don't have to change shoes.
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How many Sandpeople does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
You never can tell. The Sandpeople always ride in single file to hide their numbers.
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How many virgins does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one. But he will pull it back out and stick it back in again just to make sure hes got the right hole.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How do know a job's been done by a lesbian carpenter?
There are no nails, and no screws, it's all tongue and groove!
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How many mods does it take to screw in a light bulb?
removed
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How many psychologist does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but the light bulb is going to need to change itself.
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How long does it take Han Solo to screw in a light bulb?
less than twelve parsecs.
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How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.
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How many libertarians?
How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light-bulb? None. The market will take care of it.
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How many Astros fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Both of them.
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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?
to get to the other side
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How many redditors commenting on a given post does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Not possible. Their hands are too slippery with each other's ejaculate.
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How many dull people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One.
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How many dislexic mods does it take to screw a lightbulb ?
Remodve
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How many Meth-Heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, One to hold the lightbulb and Two to smoke till the room spins!
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How many roaches does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2 but how they got in the light bulb I will never know
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Why did the priest cross the road ?
To screw in the children that were crossing the road
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How many MRAs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Tires need changing too you know!
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How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one to hold it in place while the rest of Europe runs circles around it.
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How Many Bit Coins Does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?
00000000000001adf44c7d69767585--5572eca4dd4-db7d0c0b845-916d849af76 PM me the answer!
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How many performance artists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don't know either, I walked out early too.
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How many bees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but I don't know how they got in there.
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How many metal drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
one, but it takes 32 lightbulbs.
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How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just Juan
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What did one archeologist say to the other archeologist when he screwed up?
I've got a bone to pick with you
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What's a light bulb
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How many Romans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
V.
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How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb?
A: He doesn't. He declares darkness the industry standard.
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How many Vietnam vets does it take the screw in a light bulb?
THAT'S RIGHT!!! YOU DON'T KNOW BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!
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Why couldn't the Engineer Manager screw his wife?
Sorry I don't have the tools, I only supervise."
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How many teens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, but you need a really big lightbulb.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Uh...standby I'll check on that.
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How many SEC football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1. And they get 3 credits for it.
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How many Star Trek captains does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but there are FOUR LIGHTS!
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How many downies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Potatoe
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How many redditors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but an extra 15 to repost.
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How many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Don't know, the pope hasn't said yet. How many Lutherans does it take to screw in a light bulb None, Lutherans don't change.
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How many newsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one but he'll tell everybody.
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How many redditors are needed to screw a lightbulb?
As much people as is needed to screw that lightbulb.
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How many South American's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A Brazilian.
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How many optometrist does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1... or 2 Or 1 Or 2
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Why did the bolt in the ceiling have to go to therapy?
Because it was screwed up!
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How many people does it take to screw in a light?
Two, but I don't know how they'll fit inside the bulb
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How many religious women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Nun.