Sea Jokes

  • Who is the biggest gangster in the sea ?

    Al Caprawn !

  • Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea ?

    Jack the kipper !

  • What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison?

    One can't see to go the other can't go to sea.

  • What do you call a hippie that is out at sea on a raft?

    He was far out man. --

  • What is Rick Grimes' favorite thing under the sea?


  • What did the sea say to the river?

    You can run but you can't tide!

  • Why is little Annie's shoe floating in the sea?

    Because the shark burped.

  • Why do seagulls fly by the sea?

    Because if they flew by the bay they'd be bagels.

  • What do you call a pirate who intentionally sets a fire at sea?

    An arrrrrsonist. Thank you. I'll be here all week.

  • What did the mermaid do last Sunday night?

    A: She went to sea a movie.

  • What do you call 20,000 lawyers under the sea?

    A good start.

  • How do you get around fast on the bottom of the sea?


  • Why did the dog jump into the sea?

    He wanted to chase the catfish!

  • Which two regions have the most people named John?

    SEA / NA

  • Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

    I don't know I have DirecTV.

  • Why is the sea so strong?

    It has a lot of mussels.

  • Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?

    A: To promote off-shore drilling.

  • What's the similarity between Hellen Keller and a sad pirate?

    Neither of them got to sea!

  • What does Brian Johnson say on the beach?

    I see the sea...

  • Why did the chicken of the sea cross the road?

    Because a tuna can!

  • What do you call ten sets of bagpipes at the bottom of the sea?

    A start.

  • What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend?

    Long time no sea.

  • What did the sea say to the sand?

    Nothing, it simply waved.

  • What did one plant say to another when it dropped its camera into the sea?


  • How does a sea urchin search the internet?

    sea urchingine

  • What's a Pirate's favorite letter?

    Rrrrrrrr? You think it be R but it be sea

  • What did fish on the kitchen bench say to the other fish?

    Long time no sea.

  • What did the fish skeleton say?

    Long time, no sea.

  • Why do whales have really good immune systems?

    They consume a lot of vitamin SEA!

  • Who has eight pistols and terrorizes the seas?

    A: Billy the Squid.

  • What do you do if the Ocean stares at you?

    Sea it and Wave :3

  • What did the giant wave say to the man?

    Nothing he just waved. Sea what I did there? Sorry sometimes I get a bit carried away, it like a tsunami of puns. Water these puns! they're horrible, I'll stop now.

  • What is the difference between a portuguese woman and a sea lion ?

    One of them has shiny bodyhair and smells like cod, the other one is a mammal that lives in the sea.

  • What lives in the sea and preys on mermaids?

    Jack The Kipper.

  • What do you call a man with no arms & no legs... ...hanging on the wall?

    Art ...floating in the sea Bob ...laying on the floor Matt ...down in a hole Phil ...sitting in a pot Stu ...

  • What does Madeleine McCann and Bin Laden have in common?

    They both got their backdoors smashed in before being dumped in the sea

  • What's a pirrrate's favorite letterrr?

    R?" NOOO!!! It's the Sea!!!

  • Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?

    Because if they did they would be Bagels

  • Why are firetrucks red?

    You see, firetrucks have 4 wheels, can carry 8 men and 4+ 8 = 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas and fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag and that's why they're red. Cause they're always russian around.

  • Why are there so many fish in the sea?

    They're always getting hooked up

  • Why do seagulls live by the Sea..?

    Because if they lived by the Bay, they would be bagels! Honestly this cracked me up when I first heard it.

  • What do you call a snail in the sea?

    A snailor.

  • What lies at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

    A nervous wreck.

  • What did the sea say to the shore?

    Nothing, he just waved. Christmas crackers are the worst.

  • What did one sea say to the other sea?

    Nothing, they just waved.

  • What did the sea say to the beach?

    Nothing, it just waved.

  • Why do they call a bird that lives by the sea, a seagul?

    Because if it lived by the bay, it would be called a Bagel.

  • What do you call a pirate who is lost at sea and has to drink his own pee to survive?

    Aarrrrrrr Kelly!

  • Why does a seagull fly over the sea?

    Because if it flew over the bay it would be a bagel!

  • What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

    Nothing! They just WAVED. SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Let MINNOW if you are not getting it. SHELL I continue?? No?.. I guess I'll stop WHALE I'm ahead. Thanks ladies and gentlefish

  • Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

    Because if they flew over the bay, then they'd be called bagels!

  • What be a Pirates favorite letter?

    Ye all must be willin' to guess Arrrr. But ye be wrong! It be the Sea! Yearha har har har

  • Why does it take so long for pirates to learn the alphabet?

    Because they can spend years at sea.

  • Why couldn't the physicist understand how boats work?

    He thought nothing could possibly travel faster than sea.

  • Why do seagulls live by the sea?

    If they lived by the bay they'd be bagels.

  • What do you call a Mexican stationed out at sea?

    A Navy Bean

  • What is slimy and wobbly tastes of raspberry and lives in the seas?

    A red jellyfish.

  • What's the difference between writing your will and owning an ant farm?

    One's a legacy, the other a sea of legs.

  • What do the Greeks sing while at sea?

    your boat, gently down the stream...

  • Why is the sea salty?

    Because the land does not wave back.

  • Why do you want to be buried at sea?

    Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.

  • How to Get a Girlfriend: Out at Sea Me: *rocks boat* Her: Hey! Me: *rocks faster* Her: Can we PLEASE go steady?

    Me: I do.

  • What did the one ocean say to the other ocean?

    Nothing they just waved! Did you sea what I did there I'm shore you did, beach.

  • What does your mother do for a living?

    She sells shesells...I mean...Sea sells sea shells...dammit! She's...a beachside entrepreneur."

  • What do you call 10 politicians at the bottom of the sea?

    A good start.

  • Why do seagulls fly over the sea, not the bay?

    If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels :D

  • What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

    A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

  • What is white sugary has whiskers and floats on the sea ?

    A catameringue !

  • What do armed forces at sea feel when depressed?

    The Navy blues What part of the Mac's desktop would seafarers miss when at sea for a loooong time The Dock

  • Why do seagulls only fly over the sea?

    If they flew over the bay, they'd be called Baygulls.

  • What lives in the sea and yells?

    A: A clam shouter.

  • What is at the bottom of the sea and shakes?

    A nervous wreck.

  • What is the most important thing for a hungry shark?


  • How many puppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Do you know yet Me (in a sea of puppies): No, they haven't done it. Bring more

  • Why are sardines the stupidest fish in the sea ?

    Because they climb into tins close the lid and leave teh key outside !

  • Why are airplane crashes in the ocean so visible?

    They're plane to sea

  • What buzzes is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea ?

    A bee in a submarine !

  • Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?

    Because they spend years at sea.

  • What do you call a singing goat that lives by the sea?

    Billy Ocean

  • How do you cut the sea in half?

    With a seesaw (I'll see myself out)

  • Why can't pirates recite the alphabet?

    They keep getting lost at sea.

  • What was the blond doing in the middle of the sea?

    Bouncing on a buoy (boy)