Sea Jokes
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Who is the biggest gangster in the sea ?
Al Caprawn !
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Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea ?
Jack the kipper !
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What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison?
One can't see to go the other can't go to sea.
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What do you call a hippie that is out at sea on a raft?
He was far out man. --
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What is Rick Grimes' favorite thing under the sea?
CORALL!
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What did the sea say to the river?
You can run but you can't tide!
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Why is little Annie's shoe floating in the sea?
Because the shark burped.
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Why do seagulls fly by the sea?
Because if they flew by the bay they'd be bagels.
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What do you call a pirate who intentionally sets a fire at sea?
An arrrrrsonist. Thank you. I'll be here all week.
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What did the mermaid do last Sunday night?
A: She went to sea a movie.
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What do you call 20,000 lawyers under the sea?
A good start.
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How do you get around fast on the bottom of the sea?
Skates!
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Why did the dog jump into the sea?
He wanted to chase the catfish!
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Which two regions have the most people named John?
SEA / NA
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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
I don't know I have DirecTV.
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Why is the sea so strong?
It has a lot of mussels.
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Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
A: To promote off-shore drilling.
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What's the similarity between Hellen Keller and a sad pirate?
Neither of them got to sea!
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What does Brian Johnson say on the beach?
I see the sea...
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Why did the chicken of the sea cross the road?
Because a tuna can!
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What do you call ten sets of bagpipes at the bottom of the sea?
A start.
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What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend?
Long time no sea.
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What did the sea say to the sand?
Nothing, it simply waved.
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What did one plant say to another when it dropped its camera into the sea?
Photos-in-the-seas!"
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How does a sea urchin search the internet?
sea urchingine
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What's a Pirate's favorite letter?
Rrrrrrrr? You think it be R but it be sea
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What did fish on the kitchen bench say to the other fish?
Long time no sea.
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What did the fish skeleton say?
Long time, no sea.
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Why do whales have really good immune systems?
They consume a lot of vitamin SEA!
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Who has eight pistols and terrorizes the seas?
A: Billy the Squid.
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What do you do if the Ocean stares at you?
Sea it and Wave :3
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What did the giant wave say to the man?
Nothing he just waved. Sea what I did there? Sorry sometimes I get a bit carried away, it like a tsunami of puns. Water these puns! they're horrible, I'll stop now.
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What is the difference between a portuguese woman and a sea lion ?
One of them has shiny bodyhair and smells like cod, the other one is a mammal that lives in the sea.
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What lives in the sea and preys on mermaids?
Jack The Kipper.
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What do you call a man with no arms & no legs... ...hanging on the wall?
Art ...floating in the sea Bob ...laying on the floor Matt ...down in a hole Phil ...sitting in a pot Stu ...
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What does Madeleine McCann and Bin Laden have in common?
They both got their backdoors smashed in before being dumped in the sea
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What's a pirrrate's favorite letterrr?
R?" NOOO!!! It's the Sea!!!
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?
Because if they did they would be Bagels
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Why are firetrucks red?
You see, firetrucks have 4 wheels, can carry 8 men and 4+ 8 = 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas and fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag and that's why they're red. Cause they're always russian around.
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Why are there so many fish in the sea?
They're always getting hooked up
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Why do seagulls live by the Sea..?
Because if they lived by the Bay, they would be bagels! Honestly this cracked me up when I first heard it.
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What do you call a snail in the sea?
A snailor.
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What lies at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
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What did the sea say to the shore?
Nothing, he just waved. Christmas crackers are the worst.
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What did one sea say to the other sea?
Nothing, they just waved.
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What did the sea say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
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Why do they call a bird that lives by the sea, a seagul?
Because if it lived by the bay, it would be called a Bagel.
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What do you call a pirate who is lost at sea and has to drink his own pee to survive?
Aarrrrrrr Kelly!
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Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay it would be a bagel!
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What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing! They just WAVED. SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Let MINNOW if you are not getting it. SHELL I continue?? No?.. I guess I'll stop WHALE I'm ahead. Thanks ladies and gentlefish
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, then they'd be called bagels!
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What be a Pirates favorite letter?
Ye all must be willin' to guess Arrrr. But ye be wrong! It be the Sea! Yearha har har har
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Why does it take so long for pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at sea.
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Why couldn't the physicist understand how boats work?
He thought nothing could possibly travel faster than sea.
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Why do seagulls live by the sea?
If they lived by the bay they'd be bagels.
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What do you call a Mexican stationed out at sea?
A Navy Bean
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What is slimy and wobbly tastes of raspberry and lives in the seas?
A red jellyfish.
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What's the difference between writing your will and owning an ant farm?
One's a legacy, the other a sea of legs.
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What do the Greeks sing while at sea?
your boat, gently down the stream...
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Why is the sea salty?
Because the land does not wave back.
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Why do you want to be buried at sea?
Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.
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How to Get a Girlfriend: Out at Sea Me: *rocks boat* Her: Hey! Me: *rocks faster* Her: Can we PLEASE go steady?
Me: I do.
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What did the one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing they just waved! Did you sea what I did there I'm shore you did, beach.
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What does your mother do for a living?
She sells shesells...I mean...Sea sells sea shells...dammit! She's...a beachside entrepreneur."
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What do you call 10 politicians at the bottom of the sea?
A good start.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea, not the bay?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels :D
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What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?
A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.
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What is white sugary has whiskers and floats on the sea ?
A catameringue !
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What do armed forces at sea feel when depressed?
The Navy blues What part of the Mac's desktop would seafarers miss when at sea for a loooong time The Dock
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Why do seagulls only fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they'd be called Baygulls.
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What lives in the sea and yells?
A: A clam shouter.
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What is at the bottom of the sea and shakes?
A nervous wreck.
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What is the most important thing for a hungry shark?
A-fish-in-sea.
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How many puppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Do you know yet Me (in a sea of puppies): No, they haven't done it. Bring more
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Why are sardines the stupidest fish in the sea ?
Because they climb into tins close the lid and leave teh key outside !
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Why are airplane crashes in the ocean so visible?
They're plane to sea
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What buzzes is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea ?
A bee in a submarine !
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Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?
Because they spend years at sea.
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What do you call a singing goat that lives by the sea?
Billy Ocean
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How do you cut the sea in half?
With a seesaw (I'll see myself out)
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Why can't pirates recite the alphabet?
They keep getting lost at sea.
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What was the blond doing in the middle of the sea?
Bouncing on a buoy (boy)