Shake Jokes

  • How do you make cottage cheese?

    You shake a baby.

  • What is at the bottom of the sea and shakes?

    A nervous wreck.

  • How many men does it take to make popcorn?

    Four one to hold the pot and three to act macho and shake the stove.

  • Why do pigs run into trees?

    To shake out the alligators. I've never seen an alligator In a tree. That's because the pigs do such a good job.

  • Why did James Bond higher a man with Parkinson's to be his butler?

    He likes his drinks shaken, not stirred.

  • What shakes at the bottom of the ocean?

    A nervous wreck.

  • What lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes?

    A nervous wreck.

  • How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

    Three, one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

  • What's the motto for Child Protective Services?

    You shake em' we take em!"

  • Why doesn't Sean Connery have any grown up children?

    He prefers them shaken, not stirred.

  • How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?

    A little shaken.

  • Why did NBC add the Michael J. Fox Show to its line-up?

    To shake things up on network tv.

  • How do epileptics greet people?

    They shake.

  • Why was the dog shaking?

    He had Barkinson's

  • What do Palestinians and Taylor Swift have in similarity?

    They both shake it off.

  • What's Shaking?

    Not Ali....

  • How do you fit 4 guys on a bar stool?

    Turn it upside-down. But how do you get them off Shake the stool. (OK, I'll leave now.)

  • What do you call a fox that can't stop shaking?


  • How does Michael J Fox take his martinis?

    Shaken. Not stirred

  • Who would win in a fight, Michael J. Fox or Taylor Swift?

    Michael J. Fox he would just shake it off.

  • What two things should people stop shaking because shaking hurts these things development?

    Polaroid Integral Film and Babies

  • How does a witch make scrambled eggs?

    She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright.

  • Why is James Bond's favourite bartender played by Michael J Fox?

    He doesn't need to tell him to shake the martini.

  • What's red and white and screams when you shake it?

    A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

  • What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times?

    Two octopuses shaking hands.

  • What animal do you get when shake a pig?

    a ham-stir

  • Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker?

    Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.

  • What did the Pope say to the hot atheist girl?

    Shake that blasphemy

  • What do a baby and a martini have in common?

    I prefer both of them shaken

  • How did Marty McFly react when shown what 2015 would really look like?

    Gee, it's hard to say, although he did seem pretty shaken up about it.

  • What happens when Anthony Weiner tries to shake someones hand?

    They think long and hard before they touch weiner.

  • How does a witch make scrambled eggs ?

    She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright ! 'Owl be seeing you later.'

  • What does Taylor Swift tell her boyfriend when he gets toilet paper stuck on his arse?

    Shake it off

  • Why didn't you answer me ?

    Pupil: I did I shook my head Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you !

  • What's Michael J Fox's favorite song?

    Shake It Off

  • What's the difference between Michael j. Fox and an earthquake?

    Earthquakes stop shaking

  • Why are there no pictures of Ted Cruz holding a baby?

    They always turn out blurry from him shaking them.

  • How does Michael J. Fox deal with his Parkinson's disease?

    He just shakes it off.

  • What is Michael J Fox's favourite song?

    Shake It Off by Tayler Swift

  • What do you call a dance party in Colorado?

    Shake 'n Bake.

  • How are martinis like breasts?

    They are better shaken, not stirred. I usually have one in my hand. One is too few and three are two many.

  • What do you get when you cast Michael J. Fox as Walter White?

    Shaking Bad.

  • How do you make a strawberry shake?

    You put it in a freezer!

  • Who's there ! Amahl ! Amahl who ?

    Amahl shook up !

  • Why was the struggling mange seen shaking the club cat ?

    To see if there was any more money in the kitty !

  • What's the worst part about meeting someone with Parkinson's?

    Shaking hands.

  • What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shakes?

    A nervous wreck!

  • What happens when the man shakes?

    The windows milk shake!

  • What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

    A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

  • Why do little dogs shake so much?

    They have Barkinson's

  • How do you know you're drinking too many protein shakes?

    You've had whey too much!

  • What have you tried so far?

    Me: Everything IT guy: Me: I shook the mouse a few times and did some swearing

  • What is it called when Michael J. Fox smokes a joint?

    Shake N' Bake.

  • Why are protein shakes such loners?

    They're whey isolate.

  • What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

    It twerked.

  • What do two people with Parkinson's disease do when they meet for the first time?

    They shake hands.

  • What's worse: Alzheimer or Parkinson?

    Alzheimer. I'd rather drink my beer shaking than forget to to drink it.

  • Why does your little brother jump up and down before taking his medicine?

    Boy: Because he read the label and it said 'shake well before using.'

  • How many kids does Adrian Peterson have?

    More than you can shake a stick at

  • Why is the fridge shaking so much?

    It's running just fine. Probrably because it's so turned on!

  • Why didn't Michael J Fox order food at McDonalds?

    He got the shakes instead.

  • What do a baby and an Etch A Sketch have in common?

    If you don't like it, you just shake it and start over.

  • What shakes and sits at the bottom of the ocean?

    A nervous wreck.

  • How long you two been married?

    It's been thirt- (wife shaking head) teenish twenty- (still shaking) for a long time.

  • Why was the deaf man sighing and shaking his head in disgust when he looked over at his next door neighbour?

    Because she was *airing her dirty laundry*!!!

  • What was shaken and is now stirred?