Sheep Jokes
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What did the sheep use to shave before his wedding?
Elopping shears
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Why would somebody punch a sheep?
Ewe wouldn't understand.
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How do you milk a sheep?
With iPhone periph**e**rals.
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What do you call a sheep with no legs ?
A cloud.
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What did one sheep say to the other?
Hey look, we have the same IPhone case
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Why do the Irish wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
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Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
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Why do Scots wear kilts?
Sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
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What do you call a New Zealander with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
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What did the sheep say to the sheepdog faking deafness?
You herd me!"
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What do you call a sheep giving birth in a bedroom?
Bedlam
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How are the band "The Scorpions" and rural shepherds alike?
They just wanna be loved by ewe. Made up this joke/pun at work the other day (I'm sure I'm not the first), decided to subject you all to it. All apologies to shepherds who are not physical with your sheep.
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What are the two biggest lies in Wyoming?
My truck is paid for, and honestly officer, I was just helping the sheep over the fence.
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Why do the Scottish wear kilts?
Sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away
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What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A chocolate BAAA
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What time zone are you in when you find a sheep stuck in a fence?
Mountin' time
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Why did the sheep jump into the lake?
A: He wanted to take a ba-a-a-th.
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How do sheep divide candy?
They all get their fair shear
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How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!
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What do elephants use for tampons?
Sheep. Why do elephants have trunks? Sheep don't have strings.
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Why do New Zealand race horses run faster than other race horses?
They saw what happened to the sheep
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What did Medusa call the sheep she turned to stone?
Baaaaasalt
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Why does Yoda like sheep?
Because dey go baa...
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What did the sheep at the fraternity say?
Braaaaaaaah
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How do you milk a sheep and make a profit?
Remove the audio jack
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Why did the sheep move house?
The neighbours were baaastsrds.
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What did the walking staff say when accused of misleading sheep?
I am not a crook!"
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Why are the sheep in Africa coloured pink?
The elephants are using them as tampons
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What does a sheep, a drum, and a snake all say when falling off of a cliff?
Baa-Dum-Sss
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
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What do you get if you cross a dog and a sheep ?
A sheep that can round itself up !
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What rating did Moody's give to the sheep?
BAAA
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How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
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Why did the drunk guy call the sheep Legolas?
Because it was a cloud
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How do sheep greet each other at Christmas ?
A merry Christmas to ewe
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What does a bald elephant wear for a toupee?
A sheep.
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What did the sheep say to the farmers crop?
This is baaaad.
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How do sheep sign their e-mails?
Ewes sincerely.
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What's the difference between sheep and women?
The Welsh don't know yet either.
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Why does the Navy put Marines on board ships?
A. "Because sheep would be too obvious"
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What did the sheep obsessed convict say to Jared Fogle?
I have a footlong waiting for **ewe** back in my cell!!!!
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Why do Scotsmen screw their sheep by the side of a cliff?
Because they push back harder.
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What do you call it when a sheep sells his wool for money?
Cashearing! (Joke I made up last night at work, so be gentle with me)
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What did the sheep say when he saw his girlfriend?
Baaaaaeeeee!
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What's the Welsh word for shearing a sheep?
Foreplay
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What's the difference between the 2016 presidential debates and a pen of baboons relentlessly fighting over the dead stinking corpse of a sheep?
Microphones!
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Why do they wear skirts in New Zealand?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
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What do you get if you combine a sheep and a kangaroo?
A woolly jumper.
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What do the Welsh call a sheep when it's tied to a lamp post?
The leisure centre.
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Why should you always tend sheep near a hospital?
Because at any moment they could bleet out
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What would Vincent Van Gogh be if he was a sheep?
Lamb Gogh
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What do you call a redneck with two sheep?
A Pimp
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What do you call sheep in the Middle East?
Arak of lamb
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What do you get if you cross a sheep with a holiday resort ?
The Baaahaaamaaas !
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Why do Scotsman wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
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What does a sheep in denial say?
Nahhhh
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What are the three biggest lies an Oklahoma State fan tells?
I WON this belt buckle, I OWN that truck, and I swear to God I was just helping that sheep over the fence.
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How do you make a sheep jump off a cliff?
Put a redneck behind it.
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Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Because their sheep can hear zippers.
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Why does ISIS like sheep?
Is-Lamb!
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What do you call a sheep taking Ambien?
Shleepy!
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Why do sheep love Star Wars Episode V?
Because Dey-go-bah.
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What does a sheep say after walking into a disgusting, dirty bar?
Ew.
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What does a sheep call a film it doesn't like?
a baaahhhd movie. ( )
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Why Do Scottish people wear kilts?
Because a sheep can hear a zipper go down a mile away.
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Why did the Scot screw the sheep on the edge of a cliff?
So it would push back.
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What's the best way to milk a sheep?
Ask Apple.
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What do you call a big cat disguised to blend in with a herd of sheep?
A sheopard.
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Why do they carry Marines around on Naval ships?
Because sheep would be too obvious.
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What do you get if you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A wooly jumper!
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What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep?
banned from the petting zoo...
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How did the sheep get a Nobel Prize?
It was out standing in its field!
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How does a sheep farmer find a sheep on top of the mountain ?
Acceptable
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What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in New Zealand?
A community centre
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Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?
Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
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What do you get when you cross a sheep with a robot?
Steel wool
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Why couldn't the spotty cat chase the sheep?
Because her Mum wouldn't leopard be a shepherd
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How do you milk sheep?
A: With iPhone accessories.
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What did the Shepard say when he saw the sheep?
I herd that!"
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What do you call the offspring of a sheep and a gorilla?
haRAMbe
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What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
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Why do New Zealand farmers now wear kilts?
Because the sheep have gotten used to the sound of zippers
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What Do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a Sheep?
A WOOLY JUMPER :)
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What do you hear when a sheep blows up?
Sis boom baa Carnac
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What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
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What does an Elephant use as a tampon?
A sheep
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What did Jesus say to the flock of sheep?
I herd that.