Smoke Jokes

  • Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?

    The steaks were getting too damn high.

  • What does a 14 year-old Native American girl say when she loses her virginity?

    Stop Dad, you're crushing me smokes!

  • Why did the roman only smoke 490 blunts and not 500?

    Because XD

  • What do you call a Pokemon who is trying to quit smoking?


  • What do you call a tree that smokes weed?

    Snoop Log

  • What do you call an alpacca that screams when it sees fire?

    A smoke aLaama.

  • Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle?

    Because the steaks were too high...

  • What do ducks smoke?


  • What do you end up with when your pig smokes pot?

    Baked ham.

  • Why cant Mexicans smoke joints?

    They aint ever got any papers

  • What do you do when your wife starts smoking?

    Slow down and apply lube

  • How do you know when a cat's done cleaning itself?

    It's smoking a cigarette.

  • What is Lil Jon's favorite flavor of BBQ?

    Mesquite squite squite. ...Forgive me I'm freshly smoked.

  • What happens when Turkeys get the common cold?

    They quit smoking.

  • What does a girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?

    Careful, dad, or you'll crush my smokes."

  • How long has your car been doing that?

    Me: Hubs: The engine smoking at a stoplight Me: I dont know, I look at my phone at lights.

  • How do you stop your children from smoking?

    Slow down and use some lubricant.

  • How many Meth-Heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Three, One to hold the lightbulb and Two to smoke till the room spins!

  • How did the muslim get cancer?

    By smoking a lot of fags.

  • What did the big chimney say to the smaller chimney?

    You're too young to be smoking!

  • What does an Eskimo girl say before she is about to lose her virginity?

    Careful Dad, don't squish my smokes."

  • What do you call a gorilla who magically smokes weed?

    Hairy Potter.

  • What's easier to get, aids or lung cancer?

    Depends what you smoke. (Not native speaker, sorry if it doesn't make sense)

  • Why did all of Britain stop smoking pot?

    Because they all joined

  • What would the punishment be for smoking a joint in the times of Jesus Christ?

    You would get stoned. And then get rocks thrown at you.

  • What do you call it when you smoke weed and work out at the same time?

    Getting all high and mighty

  • What happens when a midget smokes weed?

    He gets medium.

  • What kind of cigarettes do California kids smoke?


  • How do you know that someone likes to smoke weed?

    Don't worry they'll tell you.

  • How do you get people to quit smoking?

    Cut off their lips

  • What do you call a group of IT guys that smoke meth?

    Geek Squad

  • Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?

    For smoking in bed.

  • What does Michigan State football and Marijuana have in common?

    They are both green and get smoked in bowls!

  • What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who likes to smoke weed ?

    A baked potato

  • What do you call a black person who smokes?

    An e-cigger. I'm going to hell for thinking of this.

  • How awesome were the 50s?

    None of the girls had tramp stamps & you could smoke in hospitals.

  • What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

    Slow down, and possibly use a lubricant

  • What did the old chimney say to the younger chimney?

    You're too young to smoke!

  • What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?

    What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."

  • What happens if you smoke weed in a musilm country?

    Simple, you get stoned twice

  • What is it called when Michael J. Fox smokes a joint?

    Shake N' Bake.

  • What type of weed do lizards smoke?


  • What do you call a Rapper who smokes too much?


  • Why does my shampoo smell like gasoline?

    And when did my wife start smoking

  • Why shouldn't ISIS be destroying ancient Mesopotamian buildings?

    Because it's frowned upon in Islam to smoke ziggurats.

  • Why do people find Anne Frank so attractive?

    Because she is smoking hot

  • What happened to Mr. Potato Head when he smoked weed?

    He got baked.

  • What do you call a second hand gold necklace?

    Recyc-bling (I'm pretty sure I thought of this myself but I used to smoke the Mary Jane a lot so......)

  • What is Harrison Ford called when he smokes weed?

    Han So-high.

  • Which came first the chicken or the egg?

    The one smoking the cigarette.

  • Why do people who smoke weed take geology?

    Because they're STONERS!

  • What does a 16 year old girl say in West Virginia?

    Get off me daddy, you're crushing my smokes

  • What kind of cigars does Baby Jesus smoke?

    Mmmph!) Meek & Milds!!!! :0

  • Who is the only one that has smoked as much weed as Wiz Khalifa?

    Wiz Khalifa's tapeworm.

  • What did the farmer's daughter say when she lost her virginity?

    Get off me dad you're crushing my smokes! Or "That'll do pig, that'll do." I have heard it both ways.

  • How do they get to smoke their cigarettes?

    They throw one cigarette overboard, which make the boat a cigarette lighter.

  • What did the Chinese vocalist do after smoking some marijuana?

    He Shanghai.

  • Why kind of cigarettes do Hawaiians smoke?

    Mahalo bro lights.

  • How do beekeepers keep their bees so chill?

    They smoke them out.

  • How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Please help. There are ten so far and they have invited their gross friends to our home. They are using the broken lightbulb to smoke crack off of.

  • Why did the monkey put a bone in his mouth?

    He wanted to smoke a joint!

  • What do you call someone who's never smoked weed?


  • Why are cigarette taxes such a safe bet right now?

    One way or the other, there's going to be a lot of smoking over the next four years.

  • What happens when you smoke weed in Saudi Arabia?

    You get stoned.

  • Where does Christopher Walken like to smoke cigars?

    A Walken humidor.

  • What kind of weed do reptiles smoke?


  • What do the Montreal Canadians and marijuana addicts have in common?

    Both of them smoke the leafs

  • What do you call someone who smokes two doobies at once?

    Double jointed. What do you call someone who can smoke three at once? Dead. Don't do drugs.

  • Why don't midgets smoke weed?

    Because they can't get high.

  • How do you know when someone smokes weed?

    Dont worry, they'll tell you.

  • What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill?

    I'm cured!"

  • What does a girl from Arkansas say when she loses her virginity?

    Get off me paw, you're crushing my smokes."

  • What happens when you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia?

    You get stoned.

  • What type of weed are you allowed to smoke during Ramadan?


  • Why couldn't the duck stop smoking?

    Because he was a quack addict

  • What Do You Call A Group Of Terrorists That Love to Smoke Weed?


  • What do you call a raft full of black people?

    Smoke on the water. ... My most sincere apologies.

  • What do fish smoke?


  • What do you call a piano composer that smokes?


  • What happened to the muslim who smoked weed?

    They got stoned

  • What is the worst part about going to Auschwitz?

    Your dreams are not the only thing going up in smokes.

  • Why doesn't Rihanna smoke weed anymore?

    Because she's taken enough hits.

  • Why would I want to quit smoking?

    Oh, to live longer. Why would I want to live longer

  • Why shouldn't Spanish women smoke cigarettes?

    You shouldn't smoke if your pregnant.

  • What does one llama say to the other llama before the smoke some weed?

    Alpaca bowl!!!

  • What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

    You're too young to smoke. Sorry, it's the first joke I ever learned, and I haven't ever seen it posted.

  • How do you find out what's in an e-cigarette?

    Just ask someone not to smoke it next to you.

  • Why did the religious person give up smoking?

    Because God hates fags.

  • What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?

    Han So-High"

  • What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke?


  • Why did the man smoke a cigarette in Beijing?

    To get some fresh air

  • What did the farmers daughter say when she lost her virginity?

    Get off me dad your crushing my smokes!

  • What is the difference between dragons and dinosaurs?

    Dinosaurs aren't old enough to smoke. Told to me by my niece at christmas.

  • What do you get when you smoke pot with a bee in a candy shop?

    A sweet buzz!

  • How many heroin addicts does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room starts spinning!

  • What do graphic designers smoke up to get high?


  • What do you call a dictionary that smokes weed?

    High definition

  • What's the water polo team's favorite song?

    Smoke on the Water, because they are always getting roasted. :3

  • What do you call a family in which everyone from grand parents to grand kids smoke weed?

    Joint Family.

  • What came first?

    A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

  • How did they manage to smoke?

    They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter

  • Why did the priest smoke weed in the cemetery?

    He wanted to keep his spirits high.

  • What kind of marijuana do cows smoke?


  • What do Reptiles love to smoke?


  • What do you call a group of Mexicans smoking weed?

    Baked beans

  • What do you call someone who smokes two joints?

    Double jointed.

  • What does a 12 year old redneck girl say when she loses her virginity?

    Get off me dad, you're crushing my smokes!

  • What did the big chimmney say to the little chimmney?

    Stop smoking. You are too young to smoke

  • Why did the duck get arrested?

    because he was smoking quack!

  • What's the difference between a stoner and a Muslim?

    When stoners are smoking, they don't explode.

  • Where do bears go after smoking some weed?