Smoke Jokes
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Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?
The steaks were getting too damn high.
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What does a 14 year-old Native American girl say when she loses her virginity?
Stop Dad, you're crushing me smokes!
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Why did the roman only smoke 490 blunts and not 500?
Because XD
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What do you call a Pokemon who is trying to quit smoking?
Vaporeon
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What do you call a tree that smokes weed?
Snoop Log
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What do you call an alpacca that screams when it sees fire?
A smoke aLaama.
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Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle?
Because the steaks were too high...
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What do ducks smoke?
Qwack
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What do you end up with when your pig smokes pot?
Baked ham.
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Why cant Mexicans smoke joints?
They aint ever got any papers
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What do you do when your wife starts smoking?
Slow down and apply lube
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How do you know when a cat's done cleaning itself?
It's smoking a cigarette.
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What is Lil Jon's favorite flavor of BBQ?
Mesquite squite squite. ...Forgive me I'm freshly smoked.
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What happens when Turkeys get the common cold?
They quit smoking.
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What does a girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?
Careful, dad, or you'll crush my smokes."
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How long has your car been doing that?
Me: Hubs: The engine smoking at a stoplight Me: I dont know, I look at my phone at lights.
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How do you stop your children from smoking?
Slow down and use some lubricant.
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How many Meth-Heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, One to hold the lightbulb and Two to smoke till the room spins!
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How did the muslim get cancer?
By smoking a lot of fags.
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What did the big chimney say to the smaller chimney?
You're too young to be smoking!
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What does an Eskimo girl say before she is about to lose her virginity?
Careful Dad, don't squish my smokes."
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What do you call a gorilla who magically smokes weed?
Hairy Potter.
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What's easier to get, aids or lung cancer?
Depends what you smoke. (Not native speaker, sorry if it doesn't make sense)
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Why did all of Britain stop smoking pot?
Because they all joined
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What would the punishment be for smoking a joint in the times of Jesus Christ?
You would get stoned. And then get rocks thrown at you.
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What do you call it when you smoke weed and work out at the same time?
Getting all high and mighty
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What happens when a midget smokes weed?
He gets medium.
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What kind of cigarettes do California kids smoke?
Yours.
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How do you know that someone likes to smoke weed?
Don't worry they'll tell you.
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How do you get people to quit smoking?
Cut off their lips
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What do you call a group of IT guys that smoke meth?
Geek Squad
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Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
For smoking in bed.
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What does Michigan State football and Marijuana have in common?
They are both green and get smoked in bowls!
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What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who likes to smoke weed ?
A baked potato
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What do you call a black person who smokes?
An e-cigger. I'm going to hell for thinking of this.
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How awesome were the 50s?
None of the girls had tramp stamps & you could smoke in hospitals.
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What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down, and possibly use a lubricant
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What did the old chimney say to the younger chimney?
You're too young to smoke!
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What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?
What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."
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What happens if you smoke weed in a musilm country?
Simple, you get stoned twice
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What is it called when Michael J. Fox smokes a joint?
Shake N' Bake.
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What type of weed do lizards smoke?
Mariguana.
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What do you call a Rapper who smokes too much?
Tupac-aday
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Why does my shampoo smell like gasoline?
And when did my wife start smoking
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Why shouldn't ISIS be destroying ancient Mesopotamian buildings?
Because it's frowned upon in Islam to smoke ziggurats.
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Why do people find Anne Frank so attractive?
Because she is smoking hot
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What happened to Mr. Potato Head when he smoked weed?
He got baked.
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What do you call a second hand gold necklace?
Recyc-bling (I'm pretty sure I thought of this myself but I used to smoke the Mary Jane a lot so......)
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What is Harrison Ford called when he smokes weed?
Han So-high.
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Which came first the chicken or the egg?
The one smoking the cigarette.
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Why do people who smoke weed take geology?
Because they're STONERS!
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What does a 16 year old girl say in West Virginia?
Get off me daddy, you're crushing my smokes
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What kind of cigars does Baby Jesus smoke?
Mmmph!) Meek & Milds!!!! :0
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Who is the only one that has smoked as much weed as Wiz Khalifa?
Wiz Khalifa's tapeworm.
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What did the farmer's daughter say when she lost her virginity?
Get off me dad you're crushing my smokes! Or "That'll do pig, that'll do." I have heard it both ways.
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How do they get to smoke their cigarettes?
They throw one cigarette overboard, which make the boat a cigarette lighter.
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What did the Chinese vocalist do after smoking some marijuana?
He Shanghai.
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Why kind of cigarettes do Hawaiians smoke?
Mahalo bro lights.
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How do beekeepers keep their bees so chill?
They smoke them out.
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How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?
Please help. There are ten so far and they have invited their gross friends to our home. They are using the broken lightbulb to smoke crack off of.
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Why did the monkey put a bone in his mouth?
He wanted to smoke a joint!
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What do you call someone who's never smoked weed?
ilLITerate
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Why are cigarette taxes such a safe bet right now?
One way or the other, there's going to be a lot of smoking over the next four years.
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What happens when you smoke weed in Saudi Arabia?
You get stoned.
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Where does Christopher Walken like to smoke cigars?
A Walken humidor.
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What kind of weed do reptiles smoke?
Mariguana.
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What do the Montreal Canadians and marijuana addicts have in common?
Both of them smoke the leafs
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What do you call someone who smokes two doobies at once?
Double jointed. What do you call someone who can smoke three at once? Dead. Don't do drugs.
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Why don't midgets smoke weed?
Because they can't get high.
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How do you know when someone smokes weed?
Dont worry, they'll tell you.
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What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill?
I'm cured!"
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What does a girl from Arkansas say when she loses her virginity?
Get off me paw, you're crushing my smokes."
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What happens when you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia?
You get stoned.
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What type of weed are you allowed to smoke during Ramadan?
Tajweed
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Why couldn't the duck stop smoking?
Because he was a quack addict
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What Do You Call A Group Of Terrorists That Love to Smoke Weed?
HIGH-SIS
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What do you call a raft full of black people?
Smoke on the water. ... My most sincere apologies.
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What do fish smoke?
Seewead
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What do you call a piano composer that smokes?
Tarcoughski
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What happened to the muslim who smoked weed?
They got stoned
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What is the worst part about going to Auschwitz?
Your dreams are not the only thing going up in smokes.
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Why doesn't Rihanna smoke weed anymore?
Because she's taken enough hits.
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Why would I want to quit smoking?
Oh, to live longer. Why would I want to live longer
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Why shouldn't Spanish women smoke cigarettes?
You shouldn't smoke if your pregnant.
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What does one llama say to the other llama before the smoke some weed?
Alpaca bowl!!!
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What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You're too young to smoke. Sorry, it's the first joke I ever learned, and I haven't ever seen it posted.
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How do you find out what's in an e-cigarette?
Just ask someone not to smoke it next to you.
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Why did the religious person give up smoking?
Because God hates fags.
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What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?
Han So-High"
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What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke?
Yours.
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Why did the man smoke a cigarette in Beijing?
To get some fresh air
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What did the farmers daughter say when she lost her virginity?
Get off me dad your crushing my smokes!
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What is the difference between dragons and dinosaurs?
Dinosaurs aren't old enough to smoke. Told to me by my niece at christmas.
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What do you get when you smoke pot with a bee in a candy shop?
A sweet buzz!
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How many heroin addicts does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room starts spinning!
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What do graphic designers smoke up to get high?
Adobe.
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What do you call a dictionary that smokes weed?
High definition
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What's the water polo team's favorite song?
Smoke on the Water, because they are always getting roasted. :3
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What do you call a family in which everyone from grand parents to grand kids smoke weed?
Joint Family.
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What came first?
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"
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How did they manage to smoke?
They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter
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Why did the priest smoke weed in the cemetery?
He wanted to keep his spirits high.
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What kind of marijuana do cows smoke?
moo-dicinal
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What do Reptiles love to smoke?
Mariguana
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What do you call a group of Mexicans smoking weed?
Baked beans
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What do you call someone who smokes two joints?
Double jointed.
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What does a 12 year old redneck girl say when she loses her virginity?
Get off me dad, you're crushing my smokes!
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What did the big chimmney say to the little chimmney?
Stop smoking. You are too young to smoke
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Why did the duck get arrested?
because he was smoking quack!
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What's the difference between a stoner and a Muslim?
When stoners are smoking, they don't explode.
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Where do bears go after smoking some weed?
Hibearnation