Snake Jokes
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What kind of snake is it good to have on a car?
Windshield vipers.
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What do you call a snake that tells bad jokes?
A corn snake
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Why do we measure snakes in inches?
Because they don't have any feet!
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What did Saint Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland?
Are ye alright in the back there lads?
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Why did some snakes disobey Noah when he said "Go forth and multiply" ?
They couldn't they were adders !
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What do snakes write on the bottom of their letters?
With love and hisses.
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Why was the snake soft?
He had reptile dysfunction.
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What do you call a snake that has been knighted?
Sir Pent...
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What's a good movie?
Me: "Snakes on a plane" Friend: "Whats it about " Me: "Horses... horses on a boat"
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Why are snakes so difficult to pick up in Japan?
Because in Japan, snakes are hebi.
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Why shouldn't you bowl against a snake?
Because snakes make lots of strikes.
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What's the difference between a headmaster and a poisonous snake ?
You can make a pet out of a snake !
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What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers ?
Fang letters !
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What do you call a snake that works in the government?
A civil serpent
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What's long green and goes hith ?
A snake with a lisp !
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What do you call a snake that rides around on the front of a car?
A windshield viper.
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What sort of perfume do snakes prefer ?
Poison by Christian Dior !
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What do you call a snake that studies past events?
A HISSSSStorian.
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What did one snake say to another ?
Hiss off !
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Why are snakes hard to fool ?
They have no legs to pull !
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What do you call a stampede of mexicans running away from a snake?
panic
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What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese ?
Thanks I'll just have a sliver !
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What is the difference between St. Patrick and Christopher Columbus?
One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.
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What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set ?
A boa constructor !
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What do you call a snake with a degree in engineering?
A Boa Constructor
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What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner?
Thank you I'll just have a slither.
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What do you call a snake on viagra?
Rod!
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What should you do if you find a snake in your bed?
Sleep in the wardrobe.
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What do snakes take for their sniffles?
Antihissssstamines!
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What kind of snake is good at math?
A: An adder.
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What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell ?
Addercadabra and abradacobra !
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What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig ?
A boar constrictor !
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Which snake is the best at counting Nigerians?
A Black Adder
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What do snakes have on their bath towels ?
Hiss and Hers !
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What did the snake say to the cornered rat ?
Hiss is the end of the line for you !
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What do you get when you cross pasta with a snake?
Spaghetti that winds itself around your fork.
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What song to snakes like to sing ?
Viva Aspana !
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What is the difference between an apple and an orange?
None, the two are not a snake
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Why wouldn't the snake go on the weighing maching ?
Because he had his own scales !
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What is an ark?
2) How 2 build ark 3) Can god just build ark 4) Are snakes necessary 5) Is god real or am I high
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What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo?
A:('A jump rope')"
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How can you tell if a snake is a baby snake?
It has a rattle.
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What do you call a snake that's 3.14 metres long?
A thon
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What snake do get when cross a calculator with a steam engine?
A puff-adder
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Why don't snakes have balls?
Because hardly any of them know how to dance.
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What do snakes use to build clocks?
Metal Gears
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What do you call a snake that likes history?
A HISSStorian.
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What do you get if you cross a snake and a hotdog ?
A fangfurter !sna
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Why can't you trust snakes ?
They speak with forked tongues !
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What did the snake say when another asked him the time ?
Don't asp me !
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What is a Snake in a Cage ?
The tale of a rat.
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How do you measure a snake?
In inches. Snakes don't have any feet.
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What kind of snake is good at building things?
A boa constructor.
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Why don't snakes like Vitamin C?
Because it's an anti-hisstamine.
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What do you get when you cross a snake with a plane?
A boeing constrictor
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What do you call a snake that's exactly 3.14 meters long?
A thon
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Why couldn't the snake charmer charm his snake?
He had a reptile dysfunction
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What do snakes take to combat their allergies?
Anti-hissss-tamines!
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Which snakes are found on cars?
Windscreen vipers.
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What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang mail.
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What do you get if you cross a snake with a hotdog?
A fangfurther.
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What kind of snake is useful on your windscreen ?
A viper !
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What does a sheep, a drum, and a snake all say when falling off of a cliff?
Baa-Dum-Sss
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What subject are snakes good at school ?
Hiss-tory !
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What do you say when you step on a snake?
Well that bites.
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What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food ?
Snakes and Larders !sna
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Why don't snakes have legs?
Because otherwise they'd be lizards.
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What do you call a snake that always hangs around its mom?
A momma's boa.
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What snakes are good at sums ?
Adders !
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Why did Snake walk into the bar?
Because he wears an eyepatch and has poor depth perception.
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What should you do if you find a snake sleeping in your bed ?
Sleep in the wardrobe !