Son Jokes

  • Why did you name your son Tinnitus?

    I don't know, me and my wife just thought it had a nice ring to it.

  • How did OJ respond when his son asked to borrow the car?

    gtOnly if you go aks your mother.

  • What did the Oxen say to his son moving out?


  • What did the Mexican firefighter name his sons?

    Jose and Hose B

  • What did the overbearing mother melon say to her son and his girlfriend?

    You Cantaloupe.

  • What is that son of yours doing these days ?

    2nd Monster: He's at medical school. 1st Monster: Oh what's he studying 2nd Monster: Nothing they're studying him!

  • What did Simon's dad, Paul, say to his son to encourage him just before he went to compete in the National Leg Breaking Championships?

    Have a good one, son."

  • What did the buffalo say to his son who was going off to college?


  • Which do you think I should take?

    Whichever you'll excel in, son."

  • What do u say?

    SON: I WILL CRUSH MY ENEMIES ME: *nervous laughter* No, the other thing SON: Oh. Thank you

  • Where is Jennifer's husband?

    Jennifer is 21 years older than her son Douglas. 6 years from now, Jennifer will be 5 times as old as Douglas. Question: Where is Jennifer's husband? Solution: J=D+21 J+6=5(D+6) According to my math, Douglas has 3/4 years, which means -9 months. Pregnancy lasts for nine months, so Jennifer's husband is in the bed with her right now. Sauce:

  • What did the pot-head name his son?


  • How are monster trucks made?

    ME: Son, when a monster and a truck love each oth- GF: glares ME: He's old enough for the facts, Jane

  • What do you call sandman when he robs you?


  • When dad Waits to see you on thanks giving Son:We just Ate Dad:OK so you can be here at 5?

    Son:We'll see Son:how does the turkey smell Dad : I guess through its Beak

  • How is it when my son has homework,I have to be involved?

    Dude,I already did my time.

  • What did JayZ say to the theoretical mathematician?

    I feel sorry for you son, I got 99 problems but you got imaginary ones

  • Why put a baseball bat up when you can just lay it down on a stair in the middle of the stairway?

    What could go wrong " My son apparently

  • What do you call the son of Kim jong-un?

    Kim jong-deux

  • What do you mean he's your half son?

    What do you mean what do I mean?" replied the man. He went on to explain "My son has half my genes, that makes him my half-son." The woman he was talking to decided he was crazy and without replying walked past him. She looked back and noticed his neck was red, after all it was a sunny day.

  • What is the 25th letter of the alphabet?

    The son answers, "Y." "Because I want to know!"

  • Why is that my son?

    Son: Because...Walking dead Intro/outro plays loud

  • How would you like to make a donation to our local orphanage?

    Dad: yea sure yells up to me son, you live with this guy now!

  • What do you call Figrin D'an's first born boy?

    Son of a Bith!

  • Why are Mumford & Sons the only agnostic rock band?

    Because they don't even know if they believe.

  • What did quantum consciousness say to its son?

    Your awareness differentiates to the expansion of experiences and freedom impacts the expression of the phenomena in reality to quantum belonging.

  • Whose son was Edward the Black Prince ?

    Old King Coal !

  • What is the difference between confident and confidential?

    Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, THAT is confidential.

  • What did the Spanish fireman call his two sons?

    Jose and Hoseb

  • What did Kurtis Blow tell his son when teaching him how to drive?

    THESE are the brakes!

  • What kind of dog is this?

    Well actu.." "Hes cute" *pets it* "Sir thats my.." *picks it up* "Your a good dog arent you " "PUT MY SON DOWN"

  • What did MC Hammer name his son?


  • What was the question?

    Son: "Who's farted"

  • Who names a kid after an activity?

    Storms off w/ his son, Kegger

  • Where does Kanye West like to go with his son?

    North West

  • Who, dad?

    Your dog, son. I hit your dog with the car.

  • What do you call a spy that likes to spend time with his son?

    James Bonding bah dun tss

  • Why does everyone love Plato?

    Because he loved Dogs and he had two sons named Plato and Socrates

  • What did the two stoners do with their son when they divorced?

    They put him under joint custody.

  • What did the ship captain say when his son learned to float ?

    That's my buoy !

  • What do you call a person without a son?


  • What did Noah tell his son while they were fishing?

    Better get this right, I only have 2 worms.

  • What do Hispanic parents say to teach their son to drive?

    Jesus, take the wheel!

  • What does Michael J Fox do when his son parks in his space?

    He Park in son's space

  • Why don't you talk to John anymore, you used to be best friends?

    Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time? Mom: No, Never! Son: Well neither would he!

  • What has four legs and isn't alive?

    Son: "nice try, a chair!" Dad: "Nope. Our dog just died."

  • What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons?

    Jose and Hose "B."

  • What did the Mexican fire chief call his two sons?

    jose and josB (Hose A & Hose B)

  • Whenever we keep the money in the bags our son steals it, I don't know what to do?

    Husband : Keep it in his books. I know he will never touch them....

  • Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?

    Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!

  • Why is your January report card so bad ?

    Son: Well you know how it is. Things are always marked down after Christmas !

  • What did the buffalo say when dropping off his son at college?


  • What do you call someone who was born in a camper?

    A son of a hitch!

  • Why didn't the mother splinter call her son on his birth-day?

    Because he's a little prick!

  • What did one priest say to the other priest?

    Do you know where my son is " "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I'm a necrophiliac."

  • What's the name of Michael J Fox's dry-cleaner?

    Park and Sons. /Park en sons/

  • Who was Michael Jackson?

    Son: Dad, is God man or a woman? Dad: His both, son. Son: Dad, is God black or white? Dad: His both, son. Son: Dad, is God good or bad? Dad: His both, son. Son: Dad, is God - Michael Jackson?

  • What is it son?

    Son: Boys are gathering into our yard! Dad: ...How many boys Son: All of them... Dad: MY MILKSHAKES!

  • What does the son of God do when he is the victim of medical malpractice?


  • Why is Darth Vader black?

    Because he left his son.

  • What has four legs but isn't alive?

    The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!" "Not this time son, our dog is dead"

  • Why does your son call you big brother?

    Because he's your mom's kid.

  • Why does Mommy always say no?

    Well Son, if Mommy said yes all the time you'd have 20 more siblings.

  • What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails ?

    He cut all his fingers off !

  • Why, Prince Stephen?

    Son: Because you call me "Prince S" King: Haha yeah that never gets old

  • Why did the mother of twins name both of her sons Edward?

    Because two Eds are better than one.

  • Whats faster then a Aboriginal with a TV?

    His son with the xbox.

  • Why wasn't the son of God worried when Microsoft Word crashed while he was writing his term paper?

    Because Jesus saves.

  • What did the teacher think of your idea?

    Son: She took it like a lamb Teacher: Really what did she say Son: Baa!

  • What did the mountain climber name his son?


  • Whats a gf?

    Mom: if youre a good boy, youll get one when youre older. Son: What is Im not a good boy? Mom: Youll get many.

  • Why did the king have his landscaper hanged?

    For planning high trees, son.

  • Why does my son deserve some Reddit Gold?

    Because he's Autistic.

  • What did the mom say when she found out her son was going to be a evil spy?

    Abort mission!

  • How many Vietnam veterans does it take to screw in a light bulb?


  • What's the capital of Ohio?

    Son: ... Me: It's also a famous explorer. Son: Dora Me: Yep. Dora, Ohio.

  • What did Einstein's dad say when he published his theory of relativity?

    Damn, son. It's about time!

  • What did the man say to the priest at the beach?

    Do you mind getting out of my son.

  • How to scare parents?

    Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?" Son: "I don't have it." Dad: "Why?" Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."

  • Where's my credit card?

    Son of a..

  • What's faster than a black man with your TV?

    His son with your DVD player! I mean no racism in this joke*

  • What did the SMG dad say to his son?

    Bizon Joke by:

  • What did aged mother cheddar say to her son the day of school photos?

    Looking sharp.

  • Why did the policeman wake up his son?

    He saw a .

  • Which joke has the maximum HOT Nuns in it?

    You don't know none.. And here to learn one.. So when you are with your friends.. Or walking with your son.. Tell them reddit jokes.. thinking now they would listen... (to you) play it cool, play it slow.. No need to blow.. Take this further, take this far.. till sang by a star. (Improvise it as you like, don't care about the grammar. No rapper does.)

  • What did Bruce Willis say to motivate his son?

    Son, if at first you don't succeed, Try Hard. If that doesn't work, Try Hard 2. If that still doesn't work, Try Hard with a Vengeance. Remember, you can't pick between the choice to Live Free or Try Hard. They go together. Everyday's A Good Day to Try Hard."

  • What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at college?


  • What was the last thing Daedalus said to Icarus?

    You've got a lot of potential, son."

  • What did the dad buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?


  • What game does a black dad and son play forever?

    Hide n' seek

  • What's a GF?

    Mom:if you are a good boy,you will get one when you're older. Son:What if i'm not a good boy? Mom:You'll get many.

  • How does a woman go about inventing a lightbulb?

    She gives birth to a son.

  • What did the son corn say to the mama corn?

    Where's pop corn

  • Why are you home from school so early?

    Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh really What was the question Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal "

  • What did Jose name his son?

    Hose B

  • What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?

    Jos and Josb

  • What did the buffalo say to his kid when he went off to college?

    Bye, son."

  • What kind of jacket would Michael J. Fox wear if he was black?

    OC A parka, son.

  • How was your first day at school?

    Son: It was all right except for some man called "Teacher" who kept spoiling all our fun!

  • What did the buffalo say to his boy before leaving for work?

    Bye, son.

  • Why do all black people go to heaven?

    The Son is attracted to black

  • What did the Mexican firefighter call his two sons?

    Jos and Hose-B

  • What's wrongdad?

    Dad: I told you, my head hurts. Son: This is why mom left.

  • Where did our son go?

    What son *Dad cries with joy

  • Who's the best Mom ever?

    Son: Oprah! Me: Gimme the damn cookies back! Son: See Oprah GIVES, she doesn't take!

  • How do you like going to school?

    Son: The going bit is fine as is the coming home bit too but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!

  • What does a snowman say to his son on his birthday?

    dad joke) Happy Brr-day son!

  • What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks?

    You. Why I oughta...! Edit: Wow, thanks for all the love. My son is quite the character and he really caught me off guard with this!

  • What's the difference between a tropical beach and a priest?

    One gets sun on your skin and the other gets skin on your son.

  • What is the difference between Napoleon and his son?

    One is a Bonaparte from the other.

  • What did the buffalo say before his son left for school?


  • Why did the Dad divorce his wife after she named their son?

    She named him Oedipus.

  • What does a terrorist tell hes son?

    Aim to the sky, maybe you'll shoot a plane.

  • Why's the couch smell like pee?

    Flashback to me watching The Ring alone Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."

  • What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?

    A: Bison

  • What did the cheese maker say to his son after he dropped the cheese?

    That's no whey to go through life, son.

  • What is a world series?

    I don't expect you to understand son, you are just a Cub"

  • What happened to your car?

    SON: Transmission is shot. Reverse doesn't work. DAD: Well... SON: Don't- DAD: There's no going back now

  • What did the mountain climber name his son?


  • Why do black people call each other "son"?

    Well, you never know!

  • What did the Buffalo say to his son when he went off to college?

    By son.

  • Why did the orange go to the doctor?

    Because she wasn't peeling very well... All credit to my 8 yo son who suggested I post it here

  • What did Jos name his son?

    Hose B

  • What did the anti-vaccer say to her son?

    I miss you.

  • How did the Neanderthal dad teach his son how to wear underwear?

    Color coded: "Yellow in front, brown in the back"

  • Why did the Greeks want Helen back so bad?

    Are you kidding She was the most beautiful woman in the world! Can you imagine what her sons would of looked like

  • Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?

    Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken " Mother: "We need the eggs."

  • What is the magic word?

    son: Natasha Dad: who is Natasha son: your lover Dad: do you need also a case

  • What do you say to Micheal Jackson when he is on the beach?

    Get out of my son!

  • How are a hobo and a balloon alike?

    Both are without visible means of support. (My son found that in a children's joke book)

  • What did the Mexican firefighter call his son??


  • What did the potato name his son?

    Chip. Sorry.

  • What is Oedipus Rex's Mom's favorite Elton John song?

    Don't Let The Son Go Down On Me

  • What did the dad say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

    Get out of my son!"

  • How'd you sleep last night?

    Son says: "umm... With my eyes closed " Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl.

  • How did the captain describe the newborn puppy?


  • Why did the cop wake up his son?

    To stop a kid napping.

  • What did the clothes designer say to her son at his graduation?

    I'm Prada you son."

  • What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes?

    Fine. They will just be burnt on one side.

  • What did the black man get for his son on christmas?

    Your bike.

  • What did the guy say to MJ at the beach?

    Get out of my son.

  • How much for it?

    Just take it "For free What's the catch " No strings attached. "You son of a bit.."

  • What did the buffalo say to his son who's leaving for college?


  • What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?


  • What did the daddy salt say to his son?

    Stop cracking your NaCles."

  • What do you get when you elect Bernie Sander's son as president?

    A son Bern

  • What mom loves... Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?

    Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers! Son: Mom, what do you love Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!

  • Why did the sailor ground his son?

    His grades were below sea level

  • Why is Jennie McCarthy so bad at RPG's?

    The last time her son had a healing potion he lost 15 IQ Points.

  • How does it feel son?

    Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band

  • Why is grandpa running daddy?

    Shut up son, and give me another shell.

  • What is the extreme limit of laziness?

    Son "Having an adopted son."

  • How do you call sons of australians and germans?

    Men at Work