Spot Jokes
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How do you spot a modern spider ?
He doesn't have a web he had a website !
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What do you call a dog with a stain on his fur?
Spot. What do you call a dog who lays on a golf course Ruff. What do you call a dog who just got run over Rhody.
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How do you spot Will Smith in a snowstorm?
You look for the fresh prints.
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How do you spot a necrophiliac at a funeral?
Mourning wood.
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What does a Sparkle magazine model call her g-spot?
Her glitterus
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Why do they say "break a leg !" to actors ?
If you said "tear an ACL !" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot.
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What did the leopard say when it ate the man?
A: That hit the spot.
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What's the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time!
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What do you get if you cross the Internet with a currant bread?
Spotted click
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How to spot an idiot at the gym?
They put a water bottle where the Pringles go.
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How to spot a blind guy in a nudist colony?
It ain't hard.
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What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal ?
That hit the spots !
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Why did Waldo wear a striped shirt?
He didn't want to be spotted.
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What did the really dumb guy name his pet giraffe?
Spot.
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How is "Shark spotted swimming off the coast" news worthy?
Now if a shark was seen walking off the coast that's different.
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How do you spot will smith in the snow?
Just look for the fresh prints.
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What's the best kind of cream... ...to get rid of spots and bug bites?
Creamation.
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What do you call the spot on the ground just bellow the red keep?
King's Landing
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How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
It isn't hard
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What did the blonde name her pet Zebra?
Spot
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Why can a Cheetah not hide?
Because it's always spotted.
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How do you spot a bad boss your first day on the job?
Check his/her pulse. (bitter at the workplace)
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How can you spot the rank of a Russian?
By the stripes on his Adidas jumpsuit.
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What's got two legs, spots and bleeds?
Half a cheetah.
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Why couldn't the leopard play Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
A: Because he was always spotted.
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What side of a leopard has the most spots?
The outside
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How does a leopard change its spots ?
When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another !
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Why do black people get hit by cars more during winter time?
Because they're easier to spot
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Why do tigers have stripes?
They don't want to be spotted.
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Why does Waldo only wear stripes?
Because he doesn't want to be spotted.
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What happens to a desert-dwellers main transportation when it has been parked in one spot for too long?
It gets Camel-Towed.
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How do you spot a cheetah in the wild?
You don't, they're already spotted!
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Why can't leopards hide?
Because they are always spotted!
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Why does Waldo wear stripes?
Because he doesn't want to be spotted
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What is it called when Venom snake gets spotted doing something bad?
Getting caught red handed!
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How do you spot a vegan at a party?
Don't worry, they'll let you know.
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Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
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How do you spot an attention whore on reddit?
Edit: Wow, I did not expect this to get so many upvotes!
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How can you spot a vegan in a crowded lunch hall?
Don't worry, they'll tell you and every other person there!
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Why was it so easy to find the buried communist treasure after the Cold War?
Because X Marx the spot.
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What do women and the stock market have in common?
If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.
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How do you spot the vegan at a party?
They'll tell you.
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How do you spot the violent kids at the circus?
They go straight for the juggler.
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How do you spot a terrorist?
They'll freak out when they hear a helicopter
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What are the spots on black-and-white cows?
Holstaines
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How does a blond cross the road?
A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store. The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?" The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"
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How do you spot Will Smith on a snowy Christmas morning?
Look for Fresh Prince
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What's the difference between a refreshing beverage and an angry dragon?
One hits the spot...
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How do you spot Al Gore in a room full of secret service agents?
A: He's the stiff one.
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What do you say if your peeing in Ireland and spot a leprechaun?
Urine luck
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What do you call an accurate dog?
Spot-on.
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How do you spot a sumo at a feminist rally?
Look for the one with shaved legs....
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How to spot a douchebag in the gym?
Really bad so he hurts himself.
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How do you spot the blind man at a nudist beach?
Well..it's not hard
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How do you spot a dwarf in a drugstore?
He's the smallest one
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How did the tiger escape from the zoo without being spotted?
Tigers have stripes.
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How can you spot a racist in a crowd?
They're the ones shouting "Black Lives Matter!"
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How to spot the toughest guy in jail?
He still has some whistle left in his fart.
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How do you spot a egocentric vocalist?
They warm up singing, 'Mi, mi, mi.... Mi!'
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How do you spot a vegan at the gym?
Pretty much the same as anyone else.