Stone Jokes
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Why was Jesus crucified instead of stoned?
So Catholics could do this makes the sign of the cross, instead of this bangs self in head with fists.
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Why did the Jamaican go to Syria?
To get stoned
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Why does a Belgian take a stone and a flashlight to bed?
The stone to throw the lights out, the flashlight to check if the lights are really out
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How many pot heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, we're stoned not stupid.
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What did the stone say to the hill?
Let's Rock and Roll.
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What did one mountain say to the other mountain?
Nothing. They were both stoned.
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What's the difference between a Muslim woman and an American one?
An American woman gets stoned *before* she commits adultery.
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How would you tell if the Queen was stoned?
Her Highness will tell you
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What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
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What's the cruelest curse to wish upon a single guy?
I wish his hands were made of stone."
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What's the best music to listen to while stoned?
Rock.
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What does The Rock said to his Girl Friend?
Im Stoned :p
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Why do drug dealers love muslim people?
Because they always get stoned
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What's the similarity between a flat chested woman and a stone?
You skip them both.
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Why shouldn't you give Muslim Women drugs?
They'll get stoned. (Ba-dum tss)
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What do you call it when a bunch of stoned poets overthrow the government?
A Haiku.
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What did the Queen fans say at the stoning?
We will We will Rock you!
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What do you call mexicans who are stoned?
Baked beans.
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Why do marble statues look so mean?
A: They have hearts of stone.
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What would the punishment be for smoking a joint in the times of Jesus Christ?
You would get stoned. And then get rocks thrown at you.
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Who's there A gorgon. A gorgon who?
420 gaze it. Geddit. Because then you'd be stoned Okay, sorry I'll leave.
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What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?
The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green.
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What would happen if The Styx and The Stones got a band together?
It wood rock.
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What happened to the muslim who smoked weed?
They got stoned
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Why didn't the rock make it to work today?
He was stoned
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What would Game of Thrones be called if it was about ice cream?
Game of Cones If it was about sword sharpening: Game of Hones If it was just everyone playing Go: Game of Stones If everyone was single: Game of Alones If it was about balls: Game of Throwns If it was about spooky scary skeletons: Game of Bones If everyone used UAVs to fight: Game of Drones If everyone was a banker: Game of Loans If it was about breakfast foods: Game of Scones
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Why should you not throw stones at a knight?
Because heavy metal is harder than rock.
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How much does a rock weigh?
One stone.
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Why has Stonehenge been there since 2000 BC?
because it's stoned.
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What did the Time Traveller find when he brought a joint to Ancient Greece?
The Philosophers Stoned
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What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver?
The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green.
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What's the difference between smoking weed and burning the koran?
If you burn the koran, you can only get stoned once.
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What happens when you smoke weed in Saudi Arabia?
You get stoned.
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What do you call a man of high authority, stoned out of his mind strolling along in the forest?
Hiking
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What word allows you to take away two letters and get one?
Stone.
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What happens when you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia?
You get stoned.
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What do you call someone who gets stoned and baked?
A witch.
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What do women and stones have in common?
You skip the flat ones.
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What do you call a stoned pig?
Baked Ham
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What does weed and the Quran have in common?
If you burn it you get stoned
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What do you call a drunk muslim woman?
Stoned.
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Whats the difference between american women and middle eastern women?
American women get stoned before they commit adultery..
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What did the stoned alpaca say to the other stoned alpaca?
Alpaca 'nother bong
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What's the difference between a hippie and a geologist?
Not much. One likes getting stones, the other likes getting stoned.
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What do Saudi guys and girls have in common?
They all get stoned constantly.
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What do women in the Middle East and Millennials have in common?
If they go to college, they'll probably get stoned.
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What do Lena Dunham & ISIS have in common ?
They both love stoning women.
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Why do people call their weed the Koran?
Because if your burn it, it gets you stoned
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What happens when a rock gets high?
He gets stoned.. Badum tsss
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What did Medusa call the sheep she turned to stone?
Baaaaasalt
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Why were the Ten Commandments so powerful?
Because they were set in stone.
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Why don't you ever see any Muslim methheads?
They all just get stoned instead.
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Why did Medusa order pizza?
Her boyfriend was stoned.
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What do you call a country of grizzlies that is always stoned?
A hibearnation.
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How Do You Get Stoned in Ancient Rome?
Start shouting Jehovah.
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How easy is it to get stoned in Amsterdam?
It's a piece of cake.
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How is medusa like weed?
She makes people stoned.
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What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?
The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"
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Why were all Roman buildings made of stone?
They crucified the carpenter.
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What happens if you smoke weed in a musilm country?
Simple, you get stoned twice
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What do Lena Dunham & ISIS have in common ?
They both love stoning women.
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What do Israeli soldiers do when they get bored?
A: They go over to the West Bank & the Gaza Strip and get stoned.