Student Jokes
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What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Student: A teacher!
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Who built the first American car?
Student: "Me Pilgrims." Teacher: "The Pilgrims " Student: "Yeah they made the Mayflower Compact."
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What is similar between students with mental health issues and nurses giving vaccinations?
They both tend to shoot up schools.
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How many teachers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, that's what students are for.
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What is "attempted theft" exactly?
I mean it's not like you see school librarians seeing a student use Wikipedia on one of the computers and puts them in detention for "attempted plagiarism"
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What is science?
Student: Me Ma'am! Me! Teacher: Ok Pedro! What is science Student: science is our Lesson for today.
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What is the value of Pi?
Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
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What is the outside of a tree called?
Student:I don't know. Teacher: Bark, my child, bark. Student: Bow, wow, wow.
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Why did the student take Viagra while preparing for his exam?
His professor said he should study hard.
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What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O. Teacher: That's not what I taught you. Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.
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Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff?
Original joke) Because that's where students have the most potential.
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Why is your paper blank?
Teacher: Why is your paper blank? Student: Sometimes silence is the best answer ! :D :D
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Why did the student do their multiplication problems on the floor?
Their teacher told them not to use tables!
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How many retweets to let me take your sister to prom?
A student walks up to his friend a week before prom and asks, "Hey, how many Twitter retweets do i have to get to take your sister to prom?" His friend says, "Dude, she was abducted! She's been missing 3 weeks, you know this!" The student says, "So you're saying if i find her, i can take her?"
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Why were the yearbook students expelled?
They shot the whole school.
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What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A PDF file.
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What Bible verse keeps every student going?
Lunch 11:35.
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What did the Christan principal say when she kicked a student out of school?
THE POWER OF CHRIST EXPELS YOU.
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How can we keep the school clean Teacher: "How can we keep the school clean?
Student: "By staying home"
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What are some really stupid jokes?
One I know is this: Spanish teacher: Kids, what is the ellos/ellas form of the verb sacar Students: Sacan Spanish teacher: SACAN DEEZ NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!
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What causes a half-moon?
Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs.
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How can we keep our school Clean?
Student : By Staying at home. :p
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Why can't student loan get a girlfriend?
Because he is forever a loan.
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How many teachers does it take to solve algebra?
None, that's what students are for.
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What did the choir teacher say to the student who asked to use the bathroom?
Of chorus.
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What is the value of x?
Student: She was my life.
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What do you want to be when you leave college?
Student: "Alive".
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Why are you late?
Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.
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What did the spanish teacher say to his one student, who was a member of the cartel?
Where is my essay?
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What's the difference between white socks and red socks?
Students will most likely answer the color) Then you say, "yes, that's one difference but there's another: The White Sox play in Chicago and the Red Sox play in Boston!
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Why didn't they punish the student who hung himself?
He was already suspended.
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What did the pre-school math teacher have to say about her students?
Every single one counts.
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What is the chemical formula for water?
Student: "HIJKLMNO." Teacher: "What are you talking about " Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"
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What is the unit of energy?
Students: Yes!
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Why are you Late Today?
Teacher: Why are you Late Today? Student: Because of sign down the road. Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late? Student: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
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What did the Spanish guidance counselor tell his students?
You have to have gooooooaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllssssssssss!!!!!
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What did the dance instructor say to her student when the student wanted to use her bathroom?
Skip to my loo.
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What does a calculus teacher say when a student doesn't get it?
Bro, do you even function?
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What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
my girlfriend who's a high school teacher heard this from a student the other day) Q: What do you call a cow with 3 legs? A: Lean Beef Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Ground Beef Q: What do you call a cow with 2 legs? A: Your mom
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What will he have?
Student: "A heart attack."
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Where are the raisins today?
A student used to give his teacher some raisins everyday. He kept giving them for 3 months straight. Then one day he did not give raisins to his teacher. And his teacher asked him "Where are the raisins today?", and the boy said "My rabbit died."
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What is the difference between 1 Gb and 2 Gb?
Student - Well, I don't know. I guess one is a bit too high?
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Where is the English Channel?
Student: I don't know, my tv doesn't pick it up
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What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know. Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.
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What's your favourite letter ?
Student: The letter G. Teacher : Why is that Angus
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Why did the student fail his physics test?
He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
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Why did the students need a ladder to get into school?
It was a high school.
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Why didn't the principal of the school for the blind allow his students to go duck-hunting?
He knew that some of them wouldn't miss the blind ...
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Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?
Student: "So we know when to start Christmas shopping!"
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Why are teachers always making answer keys?
So they can open doors of opportunity for their students.
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What do you call a group of students?
A school.
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Why did the student fail the exam?
Spent too much time figuring out the Engels, so he didnt get the Marx.... thats what he gets for Stalin
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How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the light bulb and one to drink until the room spins.
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Which teachers care the most about their students?
Math teachers, because every student counts.
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What do you get if you cross a student and an alien ?
Something from another universe -ity !
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What is an independent variable?
Student: A variable who don't need no man