Swim Jokes

  • Why are there so few Mexican athletes in the Olympics?

    Because most of them who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.

  • Why did the lone dolphin stop swimming?

    He didn't see a porpoise...

  • Howdeepisthepool?

    He had too much to drink before he went swimming!

  • What does a fish say when it swims into a concrete wall?


  • Why do hippies like to swim way offshore?

    Cause it's far out, man

  • What did the blind kid get for Christmas?

    swimming goggles

  • Why are there no mexican in the olympics?

    Because any Mexican that can run, jump or swim is in america!

  • What's black and can't swim?

    A microwave oven.

  • Why do squirrels swim on their back?

    To keep their nuts dry.

  • Why does Mexico never do well in the Olympics?

    Anyone who can run, jump or swim is already over the border

  • Why does the Mexican Olympic team always do so badly?

    Because anyone who can swim, run, or climb is already in America.

  • What do you call something that swims, is big and has 4 legs?

    A whale with a table taped to it.

  • Why aren't the Williams sisters competing against Michael Phelps?

    Black people can't swim.

  • Why was the fish swimming alone?

    Because he left the school.

  • Why do the sharks only swim in salt water?

    because they would sneeze in pepper water.

  • Why aren't their Mexican Olympics?

    Because all of the Mexicans that can run,jump,and swim are in America!

  • What's a homophobic congressman's favorite place to swim?

    In da Nile

  • Why don't they let Italians swim in Long Island Sound?

    If you know that one, try this one: Why do seagulls fly to the dump

  • Why did Matthew Arnold go swimming before writing Dover Beach?

    Before writing the poem, he felt he had to do some sole-searching.

  • Why do people from Istanbul always swim?

    Because they're constant in a pool.

  • What kind of Internet creep can swim the fastest?

    A TOR pedo.

  • Why do sharks swim in salt water?

    Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

  • Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december?

    The specific ocean.

  • What did the New York Salmon say to the driver?

    I'm swimming here!

  • Who's There -Panther -Panther who?

    Panther no pants, I'm going swimming!

  • Why did the fish swim off of the waterfall?

    For the Halibut.

  • Why hasn't Mexico got an Olympic team?

    Because the ones who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S

  • What do you call a man with no arms or legs who likes to go swimming?


  • How is "Shark spotted swimming off the coast" news worthy?

    Now if a shark was seen walking off the coast that's different.

  • What's big, yellow, and can't swim?

    A schoolbus full of children.

  • How do college students exercise?

    By swimming in their debt.

  • Where do people from Laos like to swim?

    In Laotian.

  • Why are they called Tuna Fish?

    Because they don't swim in pairs. Are there two of those fish? Nahhh.

  • What is the fakest part of Skyrim?

    The fact that red guards can swim.

  • What does a fish say when it swims into a wall?


  • Why are millionaires bad at swimming?

    Because they drown at their own wealth Edit: I got down voted :( I thought of that in my head and just wanted to share it

  • Why do traffic lights never go swimming?

    Because they spend too much time changing.

  • What do you call Dracula when he goes swimming?


  • What fish only swims at night ?

    A starfish !

  • Where does a Muslim learn to swim?

    Inshallah water.

  • Why hasn't Mexico won any medals in the Olympics?

    Because all the Mexicans who can swim well, jump high and run fast are in the United States.

  • What has two knees and swims in the ocean?

    A Two-knee fish!.....

  • What's the difference between an accident and a catastrophe?

    It's an accident if a boat full of refugees starts to take in water. A catastrophe is if they know how to swim

  • Why does Mexico always underperform in the summer olympics?

    Because everyone that can run, swim or jump is in USA.

  • What do French people do when vacationing in Laos?

    They go swimming in Laotian

  • What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air ?

    A seahorse !

  • Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming?

    He was a card shark!

  • Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

    Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

  • Why does Mexico always do so poorly in the olympics?

    Anyone who could run, swim or jump made it to the USA.

  • What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?


  • What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?

    Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

  • Why do sharks only swim in salt water?

    Got this is a Cracker Jack box) Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

  • Why can't black people swim?

    Because there is no water in Africa.

  • What's yellow and can't swim?

    A bulldozer

  • Why do seals swim in salt water?

    Cause pepper makes them sneeze.

  • What did the woman from Finland say after seeing an old man fall in the water, knowing he couldn't swim?

    Oh no, Helsinki! He Finnish!"

  • Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games?

    Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.

  • Why does Mexico do so badly in the Olympics ?

    Because everyone who can run, jump or swim is in the US.

  • Why do fish swim in salt water?

    Because pepper makes them sneeze

  • Why isn't the Mexican olympic team any good?

    Anyone who can run jump or swim is already across the border.

  • What did the electrician say while swimming across a river?

    Oh my God, that's a lot of current!"

  • What don't elephants forget when they go swimming?

    Their trunks.

  • How do you open a door underwater?

    You swimming pull

  • What's grey and can't swim?

    A castle

  • Why don't the Mexicans have an olympics team?

    Because anybody who can run jump or swim is in the States.

  • Why is the bottom of the ocean so dark?

    Black people can't swim. -.-

  • Where do Old Egyptian people go to Swim?

    The Senile River

  • Why shouldn't white people go swimming?

    Nobody likes a soggy cracker!

  • What do Scrooge McDuck and dragons have in common?

    They love to swim in gold coins.

  • How do you sink a norwegian submarine?

    Swim down and knock on the hatch. (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. They do the same about swedes)

  • What did the bee use to dry off after swimming?

    A *bee*ch towel. What did the bee use to get out the tangles A honeycomb.

  • Where does Justin Timberlake go swimming when he's in the Ukraine?

    The Crimea River

  • Why can't Mexico field a winning Olympic team?

    Because everyone that can run, jump or swim is in the US.

  • Why can't Mexico field a good Olympic team?

    Because everyone that can run, jump or swim is already here in the US.

  • How was your day?

    Lifeguard 2: Sad, I saw a bear in lake 1: How is that sad 2: He could bearly swim! 1:.. 2: He ate 3 campers

  • Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team?

    Because all the ones that can run, jump and swim are already in America.

  • How did the hipster drown?

    By swimming in the main stream.

  • What do you call four Mexicans who can't swim?

    Cuatro cincos.

  • Why shouldn't white people swim?

    Crackers get soggy when wet.

  • Why can't Z generationers swim?

    Their phones would get wet.

  • What is black, heavy, and can't swim?

    A grand piano.

  • What is yellow and can't swim?

    An excavator. And why? Because it only got one arm.

  • What do you do in your free time?

    I stalk. " "Really I go swimming and for long hikes" "I know.".

  • Why Republicans cannot swim as freely as they want?


  • Why is it a bad idea to swim in the Mississippi River?

    Because it has pp in it.

  • Why can't two elephants go swimming?

    They only have one pair of trunks.

  • Why can't Mexicans win the Olympics?

    Because every one that can run, jump or swim has already crossed the border.

  • Why is sperm white?

    Because it can swim

  • What do you call a coi fish that can't swim?

    A decoi

  • What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy?

    Ted can swim away from an accident.

  • Why did the midget go swimming in the kitchen?

    There were microwaves. Sorry I was drunk making popcorn.

  • Why can elephants swim - and aardvarks can't?

    Aardvarks don't have trunks!

  • What do you call bacteria that can swim fast?

    Micro Phelps.

  • Why does Mexjco do poorly in the olympics?

    Because all the Mexicans who can run fast, swim fast and jump high are in the states.

  • Why are marines who can't swim better?

    They defend the ship with way more enthusiasm.

  • What do you call a quadruple amputee trying to swim?

    Bob. Same guy laying on the floor Matt. Same guy hanging on the wall Art. Same guy in a mailbox Bill.

  • What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim ?

    An octopuss !

  • Why doesn't Mexico have a team in the summer Olympics?

    Because all the ones who can run, jump or swim are ready in the US.

  • How do you know when it's okay to swim in a pool of milk?

    When it's past your eyes.

  • Why has Mexico never won olympic gold?

    All those who can run, jump and swim are in Texas.

  • What do you call a doctor who only swims with his t on?

    A Sturgeon

  • Why did the clueless shark keep swimming in circles?

    A : It had a bleed on its tail fin.

  • Where do hipsters swim?

    Not in the mainstream

  • What do you call a marine who can't swim?

    A submarine.

  • How many children with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Wanna go swimming?