Swim Jokes
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Why are there so few Mexican athletes in the Olympics?
Because most of them who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.
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Why did the lone dolphin stop swimming?
He didn't see a porpoise...
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Howdeepisthepool?
He had too much to drink before he went swimming!
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What does a fish say when it swims into a concrete wall?
Dam!
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Why do hippies like to swim way offshore?
Cause it's far out, man
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What did the blind kid get for Christmas?
swimming goggles
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Why are there no mexican in the olympics?
Because any Mexican that can run, jump or swim is in america!
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What's black and can't swim?
A microwave oven.
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Why do squirrels swim on their back?
To keep their nuts dry.
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Why does Mexico never do well in the Olympics?
Anyone who can run, jump or swim is already over the border
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Why does the Mexican Olympic team always do so badly?
Because anyone who can swim, run, or climb is already in America.
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What do you call something that swims, is big and has 4 legs?
A whale with a table taped to it.
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Why aren't the Williams sisters competing against Michael Phelps?
Black people can't swim.
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Why was the fish swimming alone?
Because he left the school.
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Why do the sharks only swim in salt water?
because they would sneeze in pepper water.
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Why aren't their Mexican Olympics?
Because all of the Mexicans that can run,jump,and swim are in America!
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What's a homophobic congressman's favorite place to swim?
In da Nile
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Why don't they let Italians swim in Long Island Sound?
If you know that one, try this one: Why do seagulls fly to the dump
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Why did Matthew Arnold go swimming before writing Dover Beach?
Before writing the poem, he felt he had to do some sole-searching.
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Why do people from Istanbul always swim?
Because they're constant in a pool.
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What kind of Internet creep can swim the fastest?
A TOR pedo.
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Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
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Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december?
The specific ocean.
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What did the New York Salmon say to the driver?
I'm swimming here!
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Who's There -Panther -Panther who?
Panther no pants, I'm going swimming!
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Why did the fish swim off of the waterfall?
For the Halibut.
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Why hasn't Mexico got an Olympic team?
Because the ones who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs who likes to go swimming?
Bob.
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How is "Shark spotted swimming off the coast" news worthy?
Now if a shark was seen walking off the coast that's different.
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What's big, yellow, and can't swim?
A schoolbus full of children.
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How do college students exercise?
By swimming in their debt.
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Where do people from Laos like to swim?
In Laotian.
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Why are they called Tuna Fish?
Because they don't swim in pairs. Are there two of those fish? Nahhh.
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What is the fakest part of Skyrim?
The fact that red guards can swim.
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What does a fish say when it swims into a wall?
Dam.
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Why are millionaires bad at swimming?
Because they drown at their own wealth Edit: I got down voted :( I thought of that in my head and just wanted to share it
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Why do traffic lights never go swimming?
Because they spend too much time changing.
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What do you call Dracula when he goes swimming?
Aqua-Vlad
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What fish only swims at night ?
A starfish !
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Where does a Muslim learn to swim?
Inshallah water.
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Why hasn't Mexico won any medals in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can swim well, jump high and run fast are in the United States.
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What has two knees and swims in the ocean?
A Two-knee fish!.....
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What's the difference between an accident and a catastrophe?
It's an accident if a boat full of refugees starts to take in water. A catastrophe is if they know how to swim
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Why does Mexico always underperform in the summer olympics?
Because everyone that can run, swim or jump is in USA.
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What do French people do when vacationing in Laos?
They go swimming in Laotian
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What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air ?
A seahorse !
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Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming?
He was a card shark!
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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
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Why does Mexico always do so poorly in the olympics?
Anyone who could run, swim or jump made it to the USA.
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What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?
Bob.
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What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?
Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming
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Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Got this is a Cracker Jack box) Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
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Why can't black people swim?
Because there is no water in Africa.
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What's yellow and can't swim?
A bulldozer
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Why do seals swim in salt water?
Cause pepper makes them sneeze.
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What did the woman from Finland say after seeing an old man fall in the water, knowing he couldn't swim?
Oh no, Helsinki! He Finnish!"
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Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games?
Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.
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Why does Mexico do so badly in the Olympics ?
Because everyone who can run, jump or swim is in the US.
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Why do fish swim in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why isn't the Mexican olympic team any good?
Anyone who can run jump or swim is already across the border.
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What did the electrician say while swimming across a river?
Oh my God, that's a lot of current!"
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What don't elephants forget when they go swimming?
Their trunks.
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How do you open a door underwater?
You swimming pull
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What's grey and can't swim?
A castle
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Why don't the Mexicans have an olympics team?
Because anybody who can run jump or swim is in the States.
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Why is the bottom of the ocean so dark?
Black people can't swim. -.-
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Where do Old Egyptian people go to Swim?
The Senile River
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Why shouldn't white people go swimming?
Nobody likes a soggy cracker!
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What do Scrooge McDuck and dragons have in common?
They love to swim in gold coins.
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How do you sink a norwegian submarine?
Swim down and knock on the hatch. (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. They do the same about swedes)
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What did the bee use to dry off after swimming?
A *bee*ch towel. What did the bee use to get out the tangles A honeycomb.
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Where does Justin Timberlake go swimming when he's in the Ukraine?
The Crimea River
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Why can't Mexico field a winning Olympic team?
Because everyone that can run, jump or swim is in the US.
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Why can't Mexico field a good Olympic team?
Because everyone that can run, jump or swim is already here in the US.
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How was your day?
Lifeguard 2: Sad, I saw a bear in lake 1: How is that sad 2: He could bearly swim! 1:.. 2: He ate 3 campers
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Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team?
Because all the ones that can run, jump and swim are already in America.
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How did the hipster drown?
By swimming in the main stream.
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What do you call four Mexicans who can't swim?
Cuatro cincos.
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Why shouldn't white people swim?
Crackers get soggy when wet.
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Why can't Z generationers swim?
Their phones would get wet.
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What is black, heavy, and can't swim?
A grand piano.
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What is yellow and can't swim?
An excavator. And why? Because it only got one arm.
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What do you do in your free time?
I stalk. " "Really I go swimming and for long hikes" "I know.".
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Why Republicans cannot swim as freely as they want?
Dems!
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Why is it a bad idea to swim in the Mississippi River?
Because it has pp in it.
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Why can't two elephants go swimming?
They only have one pair of trunks.
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Why can't Mexicans win the Olympics?
Because every one that can run, jump or swim has already crossed the border.
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Why is sperm white?
Because it can swim
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What do you call a coi fish that can't swim?
A decoi
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What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy?
Ted can swim away from an accident.
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Why did the midget go swimming in the kitchen?
There were microwaves. Sorry I was drunk making popcorn.
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Why can elephants swim - and aardvarks can't?
Aardvarks don't have trunks!
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What do you call bacteria that can swim fast?
Micro Phelps.
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Why does Mexjco do poorly in the olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run fast, swim fast and jump high are in the states.
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Why are marines who can't swim better?
They defend the ship with way more enthusiasm.
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What do you call a quadruple amputee trying to swim?
Bob. Same guy laying on the floor Matt. Same guy hanging on the wall Art. Same guy in a mailbox Bill.
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What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim ?
An octopuss !
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Why doesn't Mexico have a team in the summer Olympics?
Because all the ones who can run, jump or swim are ready in the US.
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How do you know when it's okay to swim in a pool of milk?
When it's past your eyes.
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Why has Mexico never won olympic gold?
All those who can run, jump and swim are in Texas.
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What do you call a doctor who only swims with his t on?
A Sturgeon
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Why did the clueless shark keep swimming in circles?
A : It had a bleed on its tail fin.
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Where do hipsters swim?
Not in the mainstream
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What do you call a marine who can't swim?
A submarine.
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How many children with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Wanna go swimming?