Teach Jokes
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What do Hispanic parents say to teach their son to drive?
Jesus, take the wheel!
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What do you get when you teach Android grammar?
A droid
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Why do turkeys always gobble?
Why do turkeys always gobble? They havent been taught good table manners!
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How did the Neanderthal dad teach his son how to wear underwear?
Color coded: "Yellow in front, brown in the back"
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What do you call a person who helps teach others to fart?
A tooter. (thanks, honey)
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Why did God invent shopping carts?
To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.
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Why do black people play basketball?
Because it teaches them how to shoot, run and steal.
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What about breakfast teaches us the difference between "interested" and "committed"?
In a ham and egg sandwich, the chicken had an interest, but the pig is committed.
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How do you teach a girl math?
Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, give her a square root and watch her multiply.
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What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O. Teacher: That's not what I taught you. Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.
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What do you call the grounds of a university that specializes in teaching neuroscience to hippopotamuses?
Hippocampus!
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What did Obe Wan say to Skywalker when he was teaching him table manners?
Use the forks Luke.
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How many beers did you have while I was gone?
Me: Two. 4-year-old: It was nine. Teaching her to count was a mistake.
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What dance did the Rastafarian teach Ash Ketchum?
Dah okey pokey mon.
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What does an unfunny person tell a salad?
Teach me senpai!
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Why does Snape teach options and not herbology?
His lily died
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Why Mathematics make you a Terrorist?
Because they teach what is the history of Al Gebra.
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What should you know before you teach your dog a new trick?
You should know more than your dog.
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What do they teach in ISIS business school?
Execution is everything.
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What do you call a person who teaches you how to fart?
A tutor.
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What did Kurtis Blow tell his son when teaching him how to drive?
THESE are the brakes!
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Why did the cyclops quit teaching?
He had only one pupil.
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Why can't Snape teach Herbology?
A. He can't keep the lilies alive.
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What do you call people who teach their kids to use abstinence as birth control?
Grandparents.
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What do you call it when your child teaches you something they are interested in?
A: Learning from your mistakes.
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What did you learn in school today Son: How to write Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know they haven't taught us how to read yet!
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Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?
Because nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.
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Why did the hippy teach the lumberjack calculus?
So he'd use natural logs!
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Why did they invent the shopping cart?
To teach women to walk on their hind legs.
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How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it?
Just another reason to teach your cat to read.
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What is the first thing they teach you at Gardening school?
WATERRR THOOOOOSSSSSEEEEE!!!!
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How do Alabama parents teach their kids to put on their underwear?
Yellow in the front, brown in the back.
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Who teaches you how to fart?
A tutor :)
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What do you call a person who teaches you the art of farting?
A tooter
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Why didn't Anna and Elsa's parents teach them the alphabet?
Because they got lost at C.
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What do you need to teach a blonde who never had an accident in 20 years?
Second gear.
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What do you call parents who teach abstinence only?
Grandma and grandpa.
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What did Walter White teach?
Advanced methematics.
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How do you teach your dog to roll over ?
Put him on fire.
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Why did man invent the shipping cart?
To teach women how to stand on their hind legs.
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Why was Albert Einstein's dad afraid to teach him vowels?
Because everytime he tried, he kept owing his son money!
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Who invented schools and teaching?
Ed. U. Cation!
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What happens when a professor teaches for a decade?
A: He gets Tenyear.
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What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ?
Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'
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What's the hardest part of making chicken fried steak?
Teaching the chicken to cook
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What did Star Trek teach millions of kids?
To boldly split infinitives!
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What does Santa teach his elves?
The Elfabet!
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Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff?
Original joke) Because that's where students have the most potential.
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Why wouldn't you teach a woman how to ski?
Because there's no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom..
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What's your favorite joke appropriate for a 6-8 year old?
I am a ski instructor and I've recently been teaching these two boys who are 6 and 8 year old brothers. I realized today that I know zero jokes appropriate enough or funny to this demographic. I feel like they think I am super boring. Give me some help to make the chairlift more exciting!!
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Why do blacks raise chickens?
To teach their kids how to walk.
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Who are you and how do you get the time and money?
Teach me.
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What do you call a person who teaches about Drones?
Dronacharya
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How to teach a cat how to bark?
Pour some gasoline on it and WOOF!
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Why do you love your puppy more than you love your wife?
Because the puppy only knows the tricks you taught her
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How does an Alcoholic teach the ABC's to their children?
Backwards.
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How did Zarathustra introduce his peanut-based health drink?
I teach you the goober quench!"