Teach Jokes

  • What do Hispanic parents say to teach their son to drive?

    Jesus, take the wheel!

  • What do you get when you teach Android grammar?

    A droid

  • Why do turkeys always gobble?

    Why do turkeys always gobble? They havent been taught good table manners!

  • How did the Neanderthal dad teach his son how to wear underwear?

    Color coded: "Yellow in front, brown in the back"

  • What do you call a person who helps teach others to fart?

    A tooter. (thanks, honey)

  • Why did God invent shopping carts?

    To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.

  • Why do black people play basketball?

    Because it teaches them how to shoot, run and steal.

  • What about breakfast teaches us the difference between "interested" and "committed"?

    In a ham and egg sandwich, the chicken had an interest, but the pig is committed.

  • How do you teach a girl math?

    Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, give her a square root and watch her multiply.

  • What is the formula for water?

    Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O. Teacher: That's not what I taught you. Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.

  • What do you call the grounds of a university that specializes in teaching neuroscience to hippopotamuses?


  • What did Obe Wan say to Skywalker when he was teaching him table manners?

    Use the forks Luke.

  • How many beers did you have while I was gone?

    Me: Two. 4-year-old: It was nine. Teaching her to count was a mistake.

  • What dance did the Rastafarian teach Ash Ketchum?

    Dah okey pokey mon.

  • What does an unfunny person tell a salad?

    Teach me senpai!

  • Why does Snape teach options and not herbology?

    His lily died

  • Why Mathematics make you a Terrorist?

    Because they teach what is the history of Al Gebra.

  • What should you know before you teach your dog a new trick?

    You should know more than your dog.

  • What do they teach in ISIS business school?

    Execution is everything.

  • What do you call a person who teaches you how to fart?

    A tutor.

  • What did Kurtis Blow tell his son when teaching him how to drive?

    THESE are the brakes!

  • Why did the cyclops quit teaching?

    He had only one pupil.

  • Why can't Snape teach Herbology?

    A. He can't keep the lilies alive.

  • What do you call people who teach their kids to use abstinence as birth control?


  • What do you call it when your child teaches you something they are interested in?

    A: Learning from your mistakes.

  • What did you learn in school today Son: How to write Mother: What did you write?

    Son: I don't know they haven't taught us how to read yet!

  • Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?

    Because nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.

  • Why did the hippy teach the lumberjack calculus?

    So he'd use natural logs!

  • Why did they invent the shopping cart?

    To teach women to walk on their hind legs.

  • How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it?

    Just another reason to teach your cat to read.

  • What is the first thing they teach you at Gardening school?


  • How do Alabama parents teach their kids to put on their underwear?

    Yellow in the front, brown in the back.

  • Who teaches you how to fart?

    A tutor :)

  • What do you call a person who teaches you the art of farting?

    A tooter

  • Why didn't Anna and Elsa's parents teach them the alphabet?

    Because they got lost at C.

  • What do you need to teach a blonde who never had an accident in 20 years?

    Second gear.

  • What do you call parents who teach abstinence only?

    Grandma and grandpa.

  • What did Walter White teach?

    Advanced methematics.

  • How do you teach your dog to roll over ?

    Put him on fire.

  • Why did man invent the shipping cart?

    To teach women how to stand on their hind legs.

  • Why was Albert Einstein's dad afraid to teach him vowels?

    Because everytime he tried, he kept owing his son money!

  • Who invented schools and teaching?

    Ed. U. Cation!

  • What happens when a professor teaches for a decade?

    A: He gets Tenyear.

  • What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ?

    Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'

  • What's the hardest part of making chicken fried steak?

    Teaching the chicken to cook

  • What did Star Trek teach millions of kids?

    To boldly split infinitives!

  • What does Santa teach his elves?

    The Elfabet!

  • Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff?

    Original joke) Because that's where students have the most potential.

  • Why wouldn't you teach a woman how to ski?

    Because there's no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom..

  • What's your favorite joke appropriate for a 6-8 year old?

    I am a ski instructor and I've recently been teaching these two boys who are 6 and 8 year old brothers. I realized today that I know zero jokes appropriate enough or funny to this demographic. I feel like they think I am super boring. Give me some help to make the chairlift more exciting!!

  • Why do blacks raise chickens?

    To teach their kids how to walk.

  • Who are you and how do you get the time and money?

    Teach me.

  • What do you call a person who teaches about Drones?


  • How to teach a cat how to bark?

    Pour some gasoline on it and WOOF!

  • Why do you love your puppy more than you love your wife?

    Because the puppy only knows the tricks you taught her

  • How does an Alcoholic teach the ABC's to their children?


  • How did Zarathustra introduce his peanut-based health drink?

    I teach you the goober quench!"