Train Jokes
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How do locomotives know where they're going?
Lots of training
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How do you get an elephant on a train?
You take the "S" out of sub, and the "F" out of way. Say it out loud
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Why is a train like a stick of gum?
A: One goes choo-choo the other goes chew-chew.
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Why is it not safe to doze on trains?
Because they run over sleepers.
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What do you call someone who specializes in trains?
A trained professional
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How come a man driving a train got struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.
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How do Russian sprinters train?
They put a bottle of vodka 100 meters away from them.
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Why don't american have a bullet train?
They use the bullets to train the military.
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Where do Eskimos train their dogs ?
In the mush room !
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How do trains from different countries understand each other?
With a trainslator
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Why don't women get hit by trains?
There is no railroad tracks between the living room and the kitchen.
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What do good dragons read when they are pregnant?
How to Train Your Dragon. Good parenting, that is.
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Where do cows like to ride on trains?
In the cow-boose.
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When is a train being polite at dinner time?
When it choo's quietly.
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Why did Jesus have a six pack?
It was from all the cross-training...
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When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train?
When it's on the train.
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What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
One says, "Spit out your gum!" The other goes, "Choo Choo Choo"
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Why did the Mexican guy rob a train?
He had a loco motive.
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Why cant train drivers be sentenced to the electric chair?
Because they're bad conductors.
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Where does Joseph Kony train his soldiers?
Arizona
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What was Captain Picard's favorite kind of train?
N-Gauge.
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Why did the Spanish train aficionado blow up his trains?
He had loco motives.
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Why are trains so energetic?
They have Conductors.
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Where do crabs take the train?
King's Cross Station :)
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Why did the train get hit by lighting?
Because of the conductor.
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Who sang at the funeral of those who died in a railroads arson?
Adele. Some one set fire to the train
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What do you call a train that has a tobacco addiction?
A chew-chew train.
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How do they educate locomotive drivers?
They train them
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How many trains have I derailed in all my years as a train driver?
It's hard to keep track.
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What's the difference between a optimist, a pessimist and a realist?
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The pessimist sees nothing. And the realist sees the train.
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What type of train can a ginger not ride?
A soul train
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What's the best thing from New York City?
The train to Boston
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How many trains have you derailed to date?
I replied "It's hard to keep track."
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Why do you keep saying flail?
Because Fail isn't in my vocabulary. ------- Overheard on the train.
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What's the difference between a school teacher and a train?
A school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, a train says choo choo.
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What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad?
One trains the mind the other minds the train.
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Whats a mile long and has a thousand arms?
The train to Auschwitz. Some German guy i used to play Path of Exile with told it to me.
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Why don't nice people ride the train?
Because they're usually found on trucks.
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What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
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What did the new KKK member say during his training?
Hey, I'm getting the hang of it!"
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What's the difference between a New Yorker and a Canadian?
A New Yorker takes the A train; a Canadian takes the train, eh.
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How do you get a Charmander and a Metapod on a train?
You poke 'em on.
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What job do you never stop training for?
Conductor
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Why can trains go for longer than cars?
Because cars get tyred but trains do not, with the exception of Rubber-tyred metro systems.
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What do you call a person who falls onto you on a train ?
A laplander !
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What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers (engine ears).
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What's a difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, "Chew, chew, chew!"
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How do locomotives know where they're going?
Lots of training.
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Why don't you take a train?
Monster: I did once but my mother made me give it back.
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Why are trains always being falsely imprisoned?
A. Because of their loco motives
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How is marriage and CPR training the same?
You get a certificate for showing you can do it and hope to god you never have to do it again
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Why are dolphins cleverer than humans ?
Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish !
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What do you call a doctor who is trained in neurosurgery and is covering for a gynecologist?
A pervert.
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Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons ?
Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train !
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What's the difference between a train and SONY?
When the train announces an arriving "Station", you can see it.
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What do you call a pokemon that's part train?
A Pikachoochoo.
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Why are locomotive drivers so good at driving locomotives?
Because they were trained.
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What's the worst part about being a railroad conductor?
The training.
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Why did a Hispanic man rob a train?
He had loco motives!
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Why did the train go to the brothel?
To blow of a little steam
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What's the difference between a schoolteacher and a train driver?
A schoolteacher says "Spit out that toffee" and a train says "Choo choo."
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What does train tracks and breast have in common?
They are both ment for boys but in the end it's the men who plays with them
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How did Godzilla escape the trains?
He threw them off their tracks.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?
One minds the train the other trains the mind.
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How do you top a train?
Tep on the break tupid! :D:D:D
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Why is stormtrooper always late from work?
He keeps missing his train
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Why is a train a bad person to go to the bar with?
Because all he says is "Chug Chug Chug"
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What is the difference between a Train and an Hamster ?
The train got windows
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How to Train Your Dragon 2' Me: Friend: Me: to what?
Friend:
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What did the cow say when she got hit by a car?
Moo." What did the cow saw when she fell into a ditch? "Moo." What did the cow say when she fell onto the electric fence? "Moo." What did the cow say when she got hit by a train? "Why does everything always happen to meeee?" Protip: My dad wrote this joke for me when I was six.