Trust Jokes

  • Why should you never trust a one armed philosophy professor?

    He never mentions "on the other hand"

  • Why is it so easy to trust a hypochondriac?

    Because none of their plans are ill-conceived.

  • How can I trust you again?

    H: She meant nothing to me! M: Not that. You bought lite sour cream!

  • What is the ultimate definition of trust?

    Two cannibals going down on each other

  • What's the definition of "Trust"?

    Two cannibals giving each other head

  • What piece of furniture can you always trust?

    A Reputable.

  • How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers?

    Because they both "practice" their professions.

  • Why can't you trust 8?

    cause she's a two-timin' four.

  • Why can't you trust a Lithium Ion battery?

    Because they're always Li-ion!

  • Why can't you trust stairs?

    Because they are always up to something.

  • Why can't you trust girls?

    because you can't trust something that bleeds for days and doesn't die.

  • Why can you never trust a clumsy barista?

    Because she's always spilling the beans!

  • Why couldnt you trust Castros wife?

    Because at one point, she was infidel. Ok ill leave now

  • Which Kind Of Girls Wear Transparent Clothes?

    Answer : "Those Girls Who Don't Trust The Imagination Power Of A Boy"

  • Who came up with hugs?

    The very first hug must have been really creepy. "What are you doing Why are you holding me " "Just trust me."

  • Why can you trust chocolate but not marshmallow?

    Because chocolate doesn't make a peep.

  • Why should you never trust someone giving away batteries?

    There's no charge.

  • Why couldn't anyone trust the snowman to do anything?

    He was kinda flakey

  • Why shouldn't you trust big cats?

    They are a bunch of lion cheetah pussies.

  • Why can you always trust Frankenstein's monster?

    He's got somebody else's back, he could probably handle yours.

  • Why can't you trust snakes ?

    They speak with forked tongues !

  • What's worse than a poke in the eye with a hot stick?

    Nothing. Trust me.

  • What do you get if you cross a Buddhist monk and a 16 year old blonde cheerleader?

    Arrested for procurement of a minor. Trust me on this one.

  • Why did no one trust the dermatologist?

    He kept making rash decisions.

  • Why can't you ever trust pillowcase salesmen?

    Because it might be a *sham*

  • When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what?

    We do.

  • Why can you trust a coffee roaster?

    Because he never spills the beans :-)

  • Why does that sign say Grand Canyon?

    Are you sure this is the right way Lemming: Just trust me, ok

  • Why didn't you answer your home phone?

    Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.

  • Why should you never trust a noodle?

    Because they're in-pastas.

  • Why should you never trust soap?

    It's an emulsive lyer.

  • Why can't you ever trust a cat?

    Because they are always lion

  • What is the definition of trust?

    Two cannibals giving each other a blow iob.

  • Why can't I trust my Walmart calculator?

    It's always 7% off.

  • How much do I trust reddit?

    I went on before seeing the new Star Wars.

  • Why can you never trust a car made in the Soviet Union?

    They keep Lenin to the left, and Stalin.

  • Why don't you trust me?

    she texted both the guys simultaneously.

  • Why can't you trust a garbage man who loves his job?

    Because he's always talking trash.

  • Why would anyone trust Chewbacca to fly the millennium falcon?

    He's such a wookie pilot. I had three Star Wars jokes prior to this. But none were any good.

  • Why can't you trust anything MATTER says?

    Because it makes up everything.

  • Why wouldn't the pimp water his lawn?

    He couldn't trust his hose.

  • Why did everyone trust the marsupial?

    Everything he said was troo

  • Why cant you trust an atom?

    Because they make up literally everything

  • Why should you never trust someone straight after coitus?

    Usually they're lying

  • How's a fart and a teenager alike?

    Because once you go to sleep, you can't trust either of them to not sneak out.

  • Why are atoms untrustworthy?

    They make up everything. Credit to from an askreddit thread about what not to trust.

  • Why should you never trust atoms?

    They make up everything.

  • Why can't you trust a snowman?

    Because they're all a bunch of flakes

  • Why should you never trust advice from a group of gryphons?

    Half of them are lyin'.

  • How did Chernobyl disaster happen ?

    scientist A : Are you sure ? scientist B : Trust me, I know what i'm doing.

  • Why couldn't you trust the king of the jungle?

    He was a lion.

  • Why does the sun never set on the British Empire?

    Because God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark!

  • Why do they attach chains to their pens?

    If I am trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.

  • Why can't siamese twins be trusted to render fair judgments?

    Because they're always partial. I'm so sorry.

  • Why can you trust no one in the savannah?

    Cause they be lion.

  • Why can you always trust a bee without wings?

    Because it's down to earth.

  • Why can you trust a musician?

    Because he always gives sound advice. Ba dum tsss.

  • Why should you never trust a whale with your secrets?

    They're huge blubbermouths.

  • How Do they say "F**k You" in Hollywood?

    Trust Me..."

  • What's the opposite of quantum physics?

    Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin') ...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).