Trust Jokes
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Why should you never trust a one armed philosophy professor?
He never mentions "on the other hand"
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Why is it so easy to trust a hypochondriac?
Because none of their plans are ill-conceived.
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How can I trust you again?
H: She meant nothing to me! M: Not that. You bought lite sour cream!
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What is the ultimate definition of trust?
Two cannibals going down on each other
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What's the definition of "Trust"?
Two cannibals giving each other head
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What piece of furniture can you always trust?
A Reputable.
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How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers?
Because they both "practice" their professions.
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Why can't you trust 8?
cause she's a two-timin' four.
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Why can't you trust a Lithium Ion battery?
Because they're always Li-ion!
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Why can't you trust stairs?
Because they are always up to something.
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Why can't you trust girls?
because you can't trust something that bleeds for days and doesn't die.
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Why can you never trust a clumsy barista?
Because she's always spilling the beans!
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Why couldnt you trust Castros wife?
Because at one point, she was infidel. Ok ill leave now
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Which Kind Of Girls Wear Transparent Clothes?
Answer : "Those Girls Who Don't Trust The Imagination Power Of A Boy"
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Who came up with hugs?
The very first hug must have been really creepy. "What are you doing Why are you holding me " "Just trust me."
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Why can you trust chocolate but not marshmallow?
Because chocolate doesn't make a peep.
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Why should you never trust someone giving away batteries?
There's no charge.
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Why couldn't anyone trust the snowman to do anything?
He was kinda flakey
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Why shouldn't you trust big cats?
They are a bunch of lion cheetah pussies.
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Why can you always trust Frankenstein's monster?
He's got somebody else's back, he could probably handle yours.
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Why can't you trust snakes ?
They speak with forked tongues !
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What's worse than a poke in the eye with a hot stick?
Nothing. Trust me.
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What do you get if you cross a Buddhist monk and a 16 year old blonde cheerleader?
Arrested for procurement of a minor. Trust me on this one.
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Why did no one trust the dermatologist?
He kept making rash decisions.
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Why can't you ever trust pillowcase salesmen?
Because it might be a *sham*
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When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what?
We do.
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Why can you trust a coffee roaster?
Because he never spills the beans :-)
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Why does that sign say Grand Canyon?
Are you sure this is the right way Lemming: Just trust me, ok
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Why didn't you answer your home phone?
Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.
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Why should you never trust a noodle?
Because they're in-pastas.
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Why should you never trust soap?
It's an emulsive lyer.
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Why can't you ever trust a cat?
Because they are always lion
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What is the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blow iob.
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Why can't I trust my Walmart calculator?
It's always 7% off.
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How much do I trust reddit?
I went on before seeing the new Star Wars.
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Why can you never trust a car made in the Soviet Union?
They keep Lenin to the left, and Stalin.
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Why don't you trust me?
she texted both the guys simultaneously.
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Why can't you trust a garbage man who loves his job?
Because he's always talking trash.
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Why would anyone trust Chewbacca to fly the millennium falcon?
He's such a wookie pilot. I had three Star Wars jokes prior to this. But none were any good.
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Why can't you trust anything MATTER says?
Because it makes up everything.
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Why wouldn't the pimp water his lawn?
He couldn't trust his hose.
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Why did everyone trust the marsupial?
Everything he said was troo
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Why cant you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything
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Why should you never trust someone straight after coitus?
Usually they're lying
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How's a fart and a teenager alike?
Because once you go to sleep, you can't trust either of them to not sneak out.
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Why are atoms untrustworthy?
They make up everything. Credit to from an askreddit thread about what not to trust.
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Why should you never trust atoms?
They make up everything.
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Why can't you trust a snowman?
Because they're all a bunch of flakes
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Why should you never trust advice from a group of gryphons?
Half of them are lyin'.
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How did Chernobyl disaster happen ?
scientist A : Are you sure ? scientist B : Trust me, I know what i'm doing.
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Why couldn't you trust the king of the jungle?
He was a lion.
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Why does the sun never set on the British Empire?
Because God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark!
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Why do they attach chains to their pens?
If I am trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.
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Why can't siamese twins be trusted to render fair judgments?
Because they're always partial. I'm so sorry.
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Why can you trust no one in the savannah?
Cause they be lion.
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Why can you always trust a bee without wings?
Because it's down to earth.
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Why can you trust a musician?
Because he always gives sound advice. Ba dum tsss.
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Why should you never trust a whale with your secrets?
They're huge blubbermouths.
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How Do they say "F**k You" in Hollywood?
Trust Me..."
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What's the opposite of quantum physics?
Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin') ...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).