Turkey Jokes

  • Why do turkeys always gobble?

    Why do turkeys always gobble? They havent been taught good table manners!

  • What do you call a chronic masturbaiter in Turkey?

    A jerkin Turkin

  • What did France say to Turkey?

    That's not nice.

  • What do chicken, beef and Russia have in common?

    They are all against Turkey

  • What will Russians be cooking for Thanksgiving...?


  • Why don't the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

    Because they don't like Turkey

  • What key won't let you through any doors?

    A turkey.

  • What did the turkey say to the goat?

    The turkey said gobble, gobble, gobble. The goat said back abdul akbar before blowing up.

  • What did the turkey say when he accidentally bumped into the president?

    Pardon me.

  • What happened when Turkey was accused of being Chicken?

    It staged a coup

  • What's the best way to prepare a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner?

    Just be *honest* with it man...

  • What does a turkey do when he flies upside down?

    A: He gobbles up.

  • What did the turkey say about the television program from the 1950s?

    There's a little bit too much grayvy.

  • What do Americans and Putin have in common?

    They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

  • What's the difference between Turkey and Duck?

    Duck doesn't deny the Armenian Genocide.

  • What's ISIS favourite meal?

    Turkey! Its the bomb!

  • Why did Turkey disappear?

    Because Austria was Hungary.

  • What sound does a dying Turkey make?

    Coup coup coup

  • Why does Russia not celebrate Thanksgiving?

    Because they hate Turkey

  • Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

    Because they're both roasted

  • What are you going to have for Thanksgiving dinner?

    Putin: "Turkey"

  • What song do turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?

    God save the kin Happy Thanksgiving!

  • What the hell is this?

    Turkey bacon. *throws tray against wall* I'm hungry! Not desperate!

  • Why do so many American tourists end up in eastern Europe?

    They get Hungary so they go for Turkey.

  • Why don't you want a turkey at your thanksgiving dinner?

    Because it'll gobble up everything.

  • What happened when the turkey got into a fight?

    He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

  • Why didn't the Turkey cross the road?

    It was too Chicken.

  • Why did the turkey get ejected from the soccer game?

    He had tripped a fan.

  • How can you tell if a turkey is from Germany?

    By the way it Goebbels

  • What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?

    Quack! Quack! Quack!"

  • Where does a Turkey live?

    A coup.

  • Who doesn't like Turkey?


  • What do thanksgiving dinner and the refugee crisis in Europe have in common?

    Turkey and grease

  • Why Did The Military Take Over Turkey?

    To Prove They Were Not Chicken

  • Who is never hungry at Christmas ?

    The turkey - he's always stuffed !

  • What do you call a Jihadist that loves turkey?

    A Tryptophanatic.

  • What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son Tom?

    If your dad knew how you were acting he'd roll over in his gravy

  • Why was the United Nations concerned when the waitress dropped the platter on Thanksgiving?

    It meant the fall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breakup of China.

  • What do you call a turkey with no arms?

    a turkey

  • What is the name of Turkey's most beloved actor?

    Muslim Bale

  • When dad Waits to see you on thanks giving Son:We just Ate Dad:OK so you can be here at 5?

    Son:We'll see Son:how does the turkey smell Dad : I guess through its Beak

  • Which global disasters happen when you drop a roast turkey?

    The downfall of Turkey, the break-up of China, and the overthrow of Greece.

  • How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

    Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

  • Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

    because they're inbred

  • What did the green onion say to the Thanksgiving dinner?

    I ain't no chive, Turkey."

  • What sound does a turkey now make?


  • How do they cook a turkey in Russia?

    They nuke it. OR In Soviet Russia, Turkey fires you!

  • What's the Turkish version of court packing?

    Turkey stuffing

  • What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ?

    Grave-y !

  • How do you end world hunger?

    Put Turkey in Greece to cook it, then cut it up and put it into Chile. Then put it on China and give it to Hungary.

  • What do ISIS want for Christmas?

    Turkey, apparently.

  • Why did the Turkey join the band?

    because he had two Drumsticks.

  • What country uses the most foul language?


  • What does my mom and a turkey have in common?

    They both died on Thanksgiving

  • What do you call a turkey with Parkinson's Disease?

    Turkey Jerky

  • Why wasn't the coup in Turkey on Wednesday?

    Erdogan's suit wasn't back from the cleaners.

  • Who's the only one who doesn't say thanks on Thanksgiving?

    The Turkey.

  • What do you call Turkey's revolting soldiers?

    The Coup Clucks Clan.

  • What will Putin be having for Thanksgiving dinner?


  • Why was the Turkey v Germany match called off?

    There were too many fowls.

  • What's the most popular type of car in Turkey?


  • Why does duck taste better than turkey?

    Because turkey is just poultry in comparison.

  • Why did the turkey walk across the road twice?

    He didn't want to be called chicken

  • Why don't turkey vultures ever lose their luggage?

    They only ...

  • Why did the turkey cross the road?

    To get to .

  • What's that, turkey?

    GOBBLE GOBBLE Timmy fell in a well GOBBLE GOBBLE breaks turkey's neck no time for your riddles, in the oven you go

  • What sound does a Turkey make?

    coup coup"

  • Why did the turkey get kicked out of the football stadium?

    He tripped a fan

  • What do you get when you cross a baseball with a turkey?

    A fowl ball!

  • What did Mustafa's dad say after he founded Turkey?


  • What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ?

    A: Turkey.

  • Why did the chicken cross the bridge?

    To get away from the Turkey coop.

  • What's the difference between a Dove and a Turkey?

    One has a coo, the other has a coup

  • How do you keep a turkey in suspense?

    I'll get back to you in a few weeks

  • What did the turkey say to the motorist?

    Buckle Buckle

  • How do you start a stampede in Ethiopia?

    Carve a turkey

  • How do you know Putin is late for Thanks Giving?

    He's Russian to Turkey.

  • What will you have for Thanksgiving dinner?


  • What do zombies use to prepare their turkeys for cooking on the smoker?


  • Why can't you have Christmas dinner in the EU?

    Because there is no Turkey

  • How long do you need to put the turkey in the oven for?

    Mine was dead within 30 minutes (credit goes to my Grandma)

  • Where do turkeys go to have a good time?

    The Turkey Club