Vegetable Jokes
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Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
That's where you wash all your vegetables!
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What is the only inedible part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair
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What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer?
Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...
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Why did the vegetables invite the mushroom to their party?
They heard he was a fungi
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What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?
Lettuce, pray.
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What do root vegetables do at tha club?
Turnip
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What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with Vegetables?
Mrs Hawking
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What letter is like a vegetable?
The letter P.
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How do you...?
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable Give it aids.
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What's the difference between a potato and a vegetable...?
Not knowing how to use a coathanger...
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What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with a vegetable?
Mrs Hawking
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What kinda vegetables like to party?
Lettuce turnip da beet!
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What vegetable likes to party?
A turn-up
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What did Khloe Kardashian do for a vegetable?
Broke up with James Harden
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Why is Mike Pence magic?
He can turn fruits to vegetables
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What do you get when you chop up a fruit and mix it with vegetables?
I don't know but it was hard as hell stealing thier wheelchairs with pieces of Richard Simmons tripping me up.
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What type of vegetable is only kinda awesome?
A radish
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How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
A brick to the back of his head should do it.
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What part of the vegetable can you not put in a mixer?
The wheelchair
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Why does Neville Longbottom like herbology so much?
Because his parents are vegetables.
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Where do cannibals get their vegetables from?
the coma ward.
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What's the best kind of vegetable to bring to a party?
A turn up
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What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable?
Fitting the wheelchair in the oven.
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What did the vegetable say to the dj?
lettuce turnip the beet
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Why did the vegetables hop into the boiling pot of water?
They were part of a stewicide pact.
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How many vegetables should you pull out of the ground in one day?
None
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What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?
If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.
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What's the difference between a special needs worker and a gardener?
One of them has to water their vegetables
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What do you call a group of disabled people in a pool?
Vegetable soup. I apologise to those offended by my terrible joke. Have another Whats the hardest part of cooking a vegetable? Getting the wheelchair into the oven
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Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk?
Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans.
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Why don't the Beastie Boys juggle vegetables anymore?
Because they kept making the beets... MMMMMM DROPPPPP
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Why do people prefer shooting stars to vegetables?
Because they're meteor
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What did Dahmer do when he finished his vegetables?
A: He threw away their wheelchairs!
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What is the worst thing about farming vegetables?
The wheelchairs are too expensive.
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What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables?
Lettuce pray.
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What did the guy who didn't like vegetables say?
I don't really carrot all for vegetables."
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Why were all the other vegetables afraid of celery?
because celery stalks
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What do vegetables say when they go to party's?
TURNUP!
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What's the hardest part of a vegetable?
The Wheelchair
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What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?
Jeffrey Dahmer!
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What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder?
Lettuce alone!*
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What vegetable needs a plumber?
A leek.
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What did Michael Jackson say to the Vegetables?
Just beet it
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What is the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair. sorry
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What's the hardest part to cook in a vegetable ?
The wheelchair
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What do vegetables watch when they're horny?
Corn
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What vegetable was on the badge in the cab?
A CABBAGE!
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What do you call it when a vegetable suffers heart failure?
A hearti*choke*. ... :D
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What turns a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
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What's the difference between a 1950s mental asylum and my fridge?
One's filled with fruits and vegetables, the other's my fridge.
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Who's the biggest celebrity in the Vegetable world?
Ocra Winfrey
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How do you turn fruits into vegetables?
Drive a bus through a pride parade
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What do vegetable do when they got robbed?
They dont.
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Where do geneticists store vegetables?
In the CRISPR drawer
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What's the worst type of vegetable to bring on a boat?
Grandpa. :(
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Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward?
Because it only ate vegetables.
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What did the carrot say when the last vegetable arrived at the party?
TURNIP
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What vegetables do plumbers hate the most?
Leeks
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What do vegetables that go to college do on the weekends?
They Turnip
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What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?
A fruit doesn't need a wheelchair
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How do you know when your vegetables are boiled?
Their wheelchair floats to the top.
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What did the doctor say When a fruit walked into his office that was feeling like a vegetable?
what's tomato with you !
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What do you get if you cross a sports reporter with a vegetable ?
A common tater !
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Which part of a vegetable isn't edible?
His wheelchair.
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Why is the retirement center nicknamed "the garden"?
Because it is full of vegetables.
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Why do neurologists think they're God?
Because they can turn any animal into a vegetable!
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What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common?
They both can be used to carry vegetables....
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Why do kids hate Steven Hawking?
They don't like their vegetables.
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What does a greengrocer weigh?
Vegetables.
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What do you get when you cross a vegetable with a pronoun?
Beets me.
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What do you call a brain dead Swede?
A vegetable..
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What is the best kind of vegetable?
The one in the wheelchair.
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What's the hardest part of washing a vegetable?
putting them back in the wheelchair
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What do vegetables watch when they're feeling frisky?
Cornography
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What should you do before cooking the vegetables?
Remove the wheelchair
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Which part of a vegetable is the hardest to chew?
The wheelchair
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What do you do when you are done with the vegetables?
You put them back in the wheelchair
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What do scientists and vegetables have in common?
Stephen Hawking
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What do you call a vegetable that always stays outside?
An un-in.
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What kind of fruit is also a vegetable?
Elton John in a coma.
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Why can't a vegetable win an argument?
Cuz he always uses a straw, man!
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What do you get when you have Tiger Woods, Stephen Hawking, and Dwayne Johnson in the same room?
An Animal, a Vegetable, and a Mineral.
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What do you call a vegetable that's only kinda cool?
Radish
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What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea
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What is both a fruit and a vegetable?
Elton John in a coma.
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What do you call a fruit that is a vegetable?
A crippled homo.