Water Jokes
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What's the difference between a special needs worker and a gardener?
One of them has to water their vegetables
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What did Diane Feinstein say when her water broke?
Quick we need to get to the abortion clinic before it's too late!
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What is dry on the outside filled with water and blows up buildings ?
A fish tank !
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Why are you not able to boil water in a tauntaun?
Because they're not real.
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What do you get when you mix batteries and water?
Watt-er
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What's a fireman's favourite drink?
Water.
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What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?
A: "The C" COMMENT A JOKE BELOW!
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What can we do to stop polluting our waters ?
Pupil: Stop taking baths
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Why did the dog go into the water?
Because he didn't want to be a hot dog.
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Why are ghosts always dehydrated?
They have a lot of boos but no water
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What do you call it when you have enough money to but a truck from 4 different people who used to cross small bodies of water?
You can afford four fjord forders' fords.
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Why do terrorists hate air planes made of water?
Because they hate waterboarding.
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What do you call it when water is poured over a clock?
Time dilution.
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What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
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How does a mermaid give a man head?
She blows him out of the water
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Why did Mubarak and Gaddafi get dehydrated?
They didn't want water from the Arab Spring.
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What do you call a armless, legless man in water?
Bob.
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Why was the fish swimming backwards?
It didn't want to get water in its eyes.
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What do the Syrian refugees and water have in common?
They both keep trying to get on our shores....
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What can walk over the water, but can travel under the water without getting wet?
Jesus in a submarine.
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Why did the mexican fire department fail?
They didnt have any Jose to spray the water.
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What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a pail of water?
Jockey and Jill!
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Why do some race drivers hate wet tracks?
Because the water is a distraction.
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What do you call someone who drinks too much water?
An aquaholic...
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What causes dry eyes?
Ducts out of water ...
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What did the bell say when it fell in the water?
I'm wringing wet.
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What do you call an uneven body of water?
An inconsistensea.
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What kind of bear dissolves in water?
A polar bear.
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What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
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What's the difference between an accident and a catastrophe?
It's an accident if a boat full of refugees starts to take in water. A catastrophe is if they know how to swim
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When is the water in the shower room musical?
When it's piping hot.
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in water?
Bob
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What did the priest say when watering his garden?
Let us spray.
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What's water?
so she wouldn't feel stupid.
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Why can't black people swim?
Because there is no water in Africa.
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How do you lead a horse to water?
With carrots
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Why can't blondes make Kool Aid?
Because they can't figure out how to get eight cups of water into that tiny little package.
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What kind of bath can you take without water?
A sun bath.
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What do you call a dolphin that is out of the water?
Dolphout
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Why wouldn't the pimp water his lawn?
He couldn't trust his hose.
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What body of water separates Italy from the word 'goodbye'?
River Derci. Sorry.
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What do you prefer, flat or sparkling?
Him: Water Me: No, my personality.
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What's the water polo team's favorite song?
Smoke on the Water, because they are always getting roasted. :3
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Why do Mexicans hate cooking pasta?
When they boil the water, they always have to add that *pinche* salt.
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How much water does a frog need to breed?
Knee-deep! Knee-deep! Knee-deep!
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Why is the letter T like an island?
Because its in the middle of water!!!
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What's the Russian word for water?
Vodka
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Why do watermelons have water in Them?
Because they are planted in the spring!
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What do you call an alien starship that drips water?
A crying saucer.
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Who poisoned the waters in the 2016 Olympics?
It was I, **RIO**!!!
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What's the difference between water and gasoline?
In Flint Michigan you can get gasoline that is unleaded.
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Why didn't the girl ride her bike to go water the neighborhood flower bed like usual?
Because the pedals fell off.
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What Did H Say 2 O?
Water you doing
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Why did the fish jump out of the water?
Because he was hooked on worms.
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What did the sea-world trainer's friend say to him after he spilled water on his friends lap?
You did that on porpoise
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What do you call a bottle of seltzer that lost all its bubbles?
Water...
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What did the beaver say when he fell in water?
Dam it.
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Why did the crowd watch the man futily attempt to blend oil and water for hours on end?
It was unmiscible.
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What's the craic?
2: Not much, Brian. I had a pint yesterday. 1: Oh! Really I thought you were only 15 2: I am! 1: So what was it Guiness 2: No, it was water.
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What do you call it when you throw a black person in the water?
What do you call it when you throw a black person in the water? Pollution What do you call it when you throw all the black people in the water? Solution.
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What did the ocean ask the scooba diver?
Water you doing here
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What water does Snake drink?
Big Voss.
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How do you cure the hiccups?
Dunk your head in a bucket of water and pull it out twice.
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Where do man-splainers get their water?
From a well, actually...
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What Color Is It?
In case you hadn't noticed, the color of the wind is 'blew.' Water always looks 'wet' to me. Dirt is oviously 'dirty.' Soup seems 'soupy.' If you can't find those Crayons in your box, contact CRAYOLA.
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How do you sink a polish war ship?
You put it in water
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Why do scuba divers fall into the water backwards off the boat?
Because if they went forward they'd be in the boat
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What did the eskimo say when her water broke?
Oh no, my ice cracked!
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What did the fresh egg say to the boiling pot of water?
It's going to take me a while to get hard, I just got laid this morning."
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What does Monsieur Homer say after spilling water on himself?
D'EAU!
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What do you call a fish out of water?
Asians? Idk it's been a rough day.
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Why did the Kenyans win the marathon?
They heard there was water at the end
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Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
They can't get eight cups of water into that little packet.
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Why do photons travels slower through water?
They having a float-on. it very good
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Why does Bernie Sanders hate icebergs?
Because only the top 1% can stay above water.
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Why won't the ocean let us drink its water?
Because it's too salty.
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How do you stop your water from running?
Stop paying the bill.
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What is a prime way of knowing when a retard is thirsty?
He'll have water on the brain.
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Why does the ocean have water?
Because the sky is
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What is the difference between ice and dry ice ?
Dry ice lacks of water.
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What is the difference between a boat and a woman?
The boat cuts through the water, a woman waters through the cut.
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What's black hairy and writes under water?
A ball-point gorilla!
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Where can you find an ocean without any water?
A: On a map!
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What's the best way to keep water from running?
Don't pay the water bill.
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What do you call an extremist group of water at 0 Degrees Celsius?
ISIS
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What is trees' preferred drug?
Water. It helps them get high.
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Why did the plant say after being watered?
I'm not hungry exactly, but I could still use a light snack".
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Which bear dissolves in water?
The white bear, because it's polar
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What did the reindeer wear to protect itself while Santa was watering the garden?
Rudolph's red hose rain gear...
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Why in the hell would I clean my bathtub?
I put soap and water in there every day...
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What did the water say to the boat?
Nothing. It just waved.
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What kind of water do you drink when the snow melts?
Spring water.
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What did Water say to Fire when they met for the first time?
Shhhhhhh.
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What do you call a raft full of black people?
Smoke on the water. ... My most sincere apologies.
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What's in the bottle?
Me: "It's water." Cop: "This is wine." Me: "What! That Jesus! He did it again!"
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What did the egg say to the water?
I cant get hard, i just got laid by the chicken.
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What is the chemical formula for water?
Student: "HIJKLMNO." Teacher: "What are you talking about " Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"
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What turns you on the most?
Water. It makes me wet instantly.
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What did water say when ice farted?
Ice melt it.
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What do you call a retard covered in water?
Flame retardant
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What sound does a fratboy make when he hits the water?
DOUCHE
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What does Mickey Mouse do to Minnie Mouse after she drowns and he pulls her out of the water?
Mouse to Mouse resuscitation.
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What do a yoga instructor and a Mexican restaurant that only serves water have in common?
No ms te!
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Why did the water turn into steam?
It mistbehaved
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Why do police officers keep water in the automobile trunk?
Because they don't want the siren to die.
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How do you sink a Polish battleship?
Put it in water
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What should be done in case of apparent drowning?
Take the parent out of the water
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What kind of water do you put into a waterbed?
Spring water
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Where does a mansplainer get his water?
from a well, actually.
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What is the formula for water ?
George: HIJKLMNO Teacher: Is that the formula I gave you George: Sure you said H to O !
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Why can't a Blonde make Kool-Aid?
She can't fit the two cups of water into the tiny packet.
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Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse
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What do you call water that hasn't been changed?
Still, water.
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What body of water is used for writing?
The Apostrosea.
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How does water stay warm during the winter?
It wears an aqua-fur.
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Where is the water main?
so I turned on the tap & said, "Right here, main."
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water?
A: Bob
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How do you get the water in a watermelon?
Plant it in the spring.
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What do you call an unambiguous body of water?
The Specific Ocean
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Why is steam such a hipster?
Because it was water before it was cool.
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs... ... sitting at your door?
Matt. ...floating in your pool Bob. ...hanging on your wall Art. ... water skiing Skipper.
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What exactly do you have to plant to grow a seedless watermelon?
Just water
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Why doesn't Aaron want to get out of the water, even though he is hydrophobic?
Because he enjoys living in denial.
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How do you keep water warn in the winter?
Have it wear an aqua-fur.
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Why don't white supremacist drink the water in Central America?
Because it's Nicaragua
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How can you tell an ant is a boy or girl?
Throw it in water If it sinks = girl ant If it floats = buoyant
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What did the homeowner say to the fruit growing gardener?
Water me lawn
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What does a chemist say when he's pouring water into an acid?
Drop the base.
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What did water say when it found out hydrogen is a diatomic?
H2 Oh!
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What did the giant wave say to the man?
Nothing he just waved. Sea what I did there? Sorry sometimes I get a bit carried away, it like a tsunami of puns. Water these puns! they're horrible, I'll stop now.
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What do you get if you water a melon?
a wet melon.
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What do you a Mars with water?
Wars
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What is steam?
Its what you get when you put water on my mixtape
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What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel?
A bit of a shock really!
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Why did the crab jump out of the water?
Because the SeaWeed..
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How much for this aggressive bottle of water?
FIREFIGHTER: Sir that's a hydrant
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What do you get when water washes away dirt?
a road
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What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O. Teacher: That's not what I taught you. Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.
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What runs all day but never gets tired?
Water.
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How do you get a German out of the bath?
A: Turn on the water.
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What's a dancer's favorite type of water?
Tap water
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What do you call a gorilla in water?
Harambait.
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What is similar between gas and water?
Not much, but in Flint they are both regular and unleaded
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How do People in New Orleans have their beer?
Watered Down
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How do you make Aquaman cool?
Put him in water!
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Why is there an olive in your water?
Me: What water Oh yeah this, this is definitely water.
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What kind of car drives over water?
Any kind of car if it goes over a bridge.
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Why are gold fish orange ?
The water makes them rusty !
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Where does Russia get its water from?
De-stalinization plants
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What happens when you drop a decimal point in water ?
it floats.
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What's a stoner's favorite body of water?
The T.H. sea
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What happened when the reporter fell into the water?
She became an anchor...
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Why did the Egyptian spit out his water?
Because it came from the Suez.
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Why did the vegetables hop into the boiling pot of water?
They were part of a stewicide pact.
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How do you sink the Polish navy?
Put it in water
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What kind of water do ducks drink?
Bottled Waddle.
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What do you call it when your water breaks and you can't get ahold of the midwife?
A midwife crisis.
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How do you sink a French battleship?
Put it in water.
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What do a stoner lost in the desert and Bolivia have in common?
They're both really high and have no access to water.
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Where do hipsters get their water?
From a well, actually.
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Where is the fire at?
The man replies: it's back there, I'm just going to get the water! (This is a true story, my uncle really said this)
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Why do honest ducks dip their heads under the water?
To liquidate their bills.
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What is the motto of the French navy?
To the water, it is time! Or in french... ... BWA HA HA HA. OK... I know this is kind a dad joke but.... yeah (for those don't speak French and thus don't get this, click the link and click the speaker to have it read to you ;) )
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What did the woman from Finland say after seeing an old man fall in the water, knowing he couldn't swim?
Oh no, Helsinki! He Finnish!"
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Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was a polar bear.
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How do you make an Ethiopian grow?
Just add water.
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What do magistrates have with their water?
Just ice.
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How do you get a polar bear in the water?
First, you cut a hole in the ice, then you sprinkle some pees around the hole. When the polar bear goes to take a pee, you kick him in the ice hole!
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What goes above the water and below the water but doesn't touch the water?
An egg in a duck.
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Why are ships' portholes round?
So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.
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Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
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Where does monty python buy his water?
From the knights Da-sa(y)-NI! This joke is best delivered verbally.
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How do you convince your neighbor to share their water with you?
Try to get a long well.
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What do you call 5 guys who have no arms or legs and a woman floating in the water together?
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob and Ann
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How do you tell if water is true or false?
Bring it to a bool.
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What goes over the water, and under the water, but stays dry?
Jesus in a submarine.
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What do you call a man with no arms and legs that falls into a body of water?
Bob.
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What do you call a man standing up to his knees in water?
Wade
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Who's there ! Castro ! Castro who ?
Castro bread upon the waters !
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Why Do Black People Run Fast?
Because they have to run 3 kilometers and back everyday to get water.
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How do redditors get their water?
From a well, actually
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What's the best part about showering with a 5 year-old?
The water washes away her tears
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How do you sink a polish ship?
you put it in the water
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What do you call a water on a baby deer?
fondue
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How do you make a door hold water?
You open it slightly so it's ajar.
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What's the creepiest body of water?
Lake Eerie. Note: This joke has probably been made before.
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Why was the cook sad when all the water in his pot boiled away?
Because he mist it.
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What's the big deal about jesus turning water into wine?
I turned MY student loans into vodka...
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Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?
Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.
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How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Shoot before he hits the water.