Way Jokes
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Why did Kim Jong Un Instagram his missile?
It was the only way he could send it.
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Why did the dragon go to jail for farting?
Arse-on. **Cough Cough** I'll see my way out.
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What do you do if your in the way of stampeding cows?
Take away their credit cards so they can't charge
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How do you get an elephant across a busy freeway?
take the 'f' out of free and the 'f' out of way...
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Why does Poland stay from Germany?
a couple decades ago they had a three way with Russia that ended poorly
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How many bugs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, as long as they can find a way in.
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How do Jamaicans pronounce bacon?
The same way British people pronounce beer can.
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Why are your eyes red?
Are you high! flashback to me cry-singing Taylor Swift's "Love Story" in the car on the way over me: Yes
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Where is your homework?
Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had
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How do you fit an elephant in the subway?
You take the letter "S" out of "sub", and the letter "F" out of "way".
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What did the ocean said to the river when they parted ways ?
Nothing, he was just full of tears
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How about some snappy one-liners?
Ironically, the only way you could get me to watch 50 shades of gray is if you tied me up and forced me to watch it.
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How do you get a full grown elephant on to the subway?
You take the "S" out of "Sub", and then you take the "F" out of "Way".
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What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to Beethoven on the way to the fancy dress party?
I'll be Bach"
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How do computers measure pain?
Gigahurts. (Came up with this in the car on my way to school hopefully its original)
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What do a hurricane a tornado a fire and a divorce have in common?
They are four ways you can lose your house!
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What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting?
Anne hath a way."
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What 2 books do white American boys enjoy reading on their way to school?
The Catcher in the Rye and Cooking For Dummies.
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How many ways are there to please a guy?
Three way.
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How does Sean Connery find his way to the toilet?
With a shat nav.
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What does it mean when a pedestrian has the right of way?
When you see a pedestrian, youve got to get them, right away
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What should you say to a pig on roller skates?
Don't say anything. Just get out of the way.
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Why aren't the Eagles worried about big cats sneaking up on them?
They know there ain't no way to hide those lion eyes.
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How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Not sure, first they have to figure out which way to spin it.
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How do you fit 50 elephants into a subway station?
You take the letter "f" out of the word "way" (there's no f in way) *joke works best when the person being asked the question has to think about it for some time and says the phrase themselves without realizing what they said
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How is making cheese like invading Syria?
You get some Kurds in the way.
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Why are blondes bad a judging distance?
They have no idea what 12 inches actually looks like. I for some reason could not find a way to phrase this any better. Credit to my coworker.
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Why do women parachutists wear cups?
So they won't whistle on the way down.
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How long does it take King Zora to move out of your way?
A week, a week, a week, a week, a week, a week.
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Why did Nike release a vine of the "Back to the Future" Power Lace shoes??
Because the pictures were way to shaky......
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What's a big game hunter?
Someone who's lost his way to the match.
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What did you like most about your last job?
ME: *leans in way too close* Leaving it.
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How do you get an elephant on a train?
You take the "S" out of sub, and the "F" out of way. Say it out loud
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Where did the meteorologist stop for a drink on the way home from a long day in the studio?
The nearest ISOBAR!!
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What should have tipped off the airline ticket sellers on 9/11?
When the terrorists asked for anything cheaper than one-way.
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How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag ?
You take the "F" out of way.
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What happens when everything's coming your way?
Instructor: You're in the wrong lane.
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How can you avoid falling hair?
Get out of the way.
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Why did the paper follow the pencil?
Because it LED THE WAY! I'm on a roll here! this is fun! Skip
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What do you get if you cross a moth with a firefly?
An insect that can find its way around a dark closet.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - One to put it most of the way in, and one to give it an interesting twist at the end.
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Why do women parachutists wear jock straps?
So they don't whistle on the way down.
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What happened to wendy on her way to neverland?
She peed her pants (read out loud)
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What do you get if you cross a firefly and a moth ?
An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe !
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What's the deal with Jerry Seinfeld?
Did you ever notice he seems to start off all of his jokes in one of two ways
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Why do programmers like to concatenate time stamps?
It's the only way they can get a string of dates.
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How much do all the bones in the human body weigh?
A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out.
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How did the chicken cross the freeway?
You take the 'F' out of free and the 'F' out of way. Hint: say everything out loud.
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Why can't Jamaicans count to 10?
Because there's a *tree* in the way!
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Why did the Chinese almost lose in Mulan?
They had way to many chinks in their armor.
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How do you put an elephant in a safeway bag?
How do you put an elephant in a safeway bag? : I don't know, how? : Take the S away from "safe" and the F out of "way." : But there's no F in way. :
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What are four ways of spreading information that begins with "tel"?
Telephone, telegram, television, and tell a woman.
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What do you tell a cow that's in the way?
Mooooooooooooove.
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How do you get a dead turtle to flip itself back over on its feet?
You take the letter F out of way.
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Where do you go to weigh a pie?
Somewhere over the rainbow weigh a pie. (sounds like way up high)
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What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time *door closes on way out*
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What causes German Earthquakes?
Teutonic Plates. I'm sorry I'll find my own way out
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When the hell did you grow a beard?
Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.
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How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag?
Take the 'F' out of safe and the 'F' out of way.
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How many bugs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, as long as they can find a way in.
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How do the people of northern Iraq manage to get so much done?
The Kurds have their ways
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How do you fit an elephant in a thimble?
You take the "I" out of "thimble" and the "F" out of "way."
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Why did the woman sky-diver wear a jock strap?
So she didn't whistle on the way down.
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How do you spell onomatopoeia?
Just spell it like the way it sounds!
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Why did Muhammad cross the road?
Because he had the right of way.
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What do you get when a dragon sneezes?
Out of the way. Thanks League smh
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What's a one way streets favorite band?
One Direction
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Why did Mario lose a life?
He stubbed his MiyamoToe. ...I'll see my way out.
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Why did the witch lose her way?
Because her hat was pointing in the wrong direction.
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What song did the man who lived next door to a brothel sing on his way to work?
Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to work I go!
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Where is the remote?
All the way over there." "Guess I'm watching this."
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How can you tell the difference between a catholic, a baptist, and a Methodist?
A baptist will run into a liquor store, buy their alcohol and run out. A Methodist will walk into a liquor store and say high to everyone, then buy their alcohol and walk out. A catholic will show up to the store completely hammered, hug everyone, get their alcohol and stumble their way out of the store.
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How Do You Get an Elephant Out of the Fairway?
You take the F out of Fair and the F out of Way
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Why couldn't anyone catch the hippie?
He was way to high, man.
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What can be surmised from this?
A: The frog's probably on its way to a gig.
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How do you get an elephant into a Safeway?
You take the S out of SAFE and you take the F out of WAY
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How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?
You take the s out of safe and the f out of way!
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How does Jaden Smith keep getting roles in big movies?
Where there's a Will, there's a way.
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What is the most essential part of any joke?
The way that the punchline of the joke is delivered.
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What do you call a fish that's on its way to somewhere?
Salmon en route
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How do you fit an elephant in a teacup?
You take the f out of way. say it out loud if you don't get it
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How far can this plane go with just one engine?
All the way to the crash site!
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What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
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Why can't guys do the splits?
The banana gets in the way. Banana split
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What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?
The way they pronounce "unionized"
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How 'done' do you want your burger?
I can do "well-done" all the way to "CPR might actually work."
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How did the 3 legged frog get across the 4 lane freeway?
Take the F out of Free, and the F out of way and you'll have your answer.
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What is the Taliban's favorite holiday footwear?
Missile Toe!
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What's the difference between a four-year-old and a bag of cocaine?
There's no way Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window!
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What does a bag of rice and an onion do when they get into a fast car?
They pilaf. I'll show my way out
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What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way?
He whale-d
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What did the neckbeard wizard use to find his way around Hogwarts?
M'rauders Map
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What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple?
Worm your way out of that one then!
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Why didn't the piece of paper move out of the way when a car came speeding towards it?
Because it was stationary.
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What does caravans and women underwear have in common?
Both are in the way if you are in a hurry
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When you realise your friend is an idiot" Stories!?
Hey guys, I just recently found out that my friend is an idiot. I was talking with him on Facebook and I was telling him about this game that was free online, and he says "I'm on my way to see my girlfriend". I'm sorry but WHAT? well I have a fish tank. Feel free to comment down below your stories about how you realised your friend is an idiot.
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Which Way Do Transformers Put The Toilet Paper?
Autobots Roll Out!
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What happened to the Greek dairy farmer who got robbed on his way to market?
He was un-feta-ed of his cheese.
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What do you get when you administer marijuana to cows?
High steaks! (I'll just see my way out...)
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What do you call it when someone gets hit by a bus on his way to pay off his student loans?
Crippling debt! It's funny because he can't walk anymore!
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Why do orphans play tennis?
It's the only way they can get love.
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What man knows the way to a girl's heart more than any other?
A surgeon.
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What are 3 naked woman on a crate of beer?
In the way!
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Why can't French people count to 5?
Because there's a in the way.
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What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
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Why was Amazon angry after their conference with Samsung?
After taking Notes, they realized their was no way they could sell the Fire.
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How does an elephant get out of a small car ?
The same way that he got in !
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Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Definitely not Sally. Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream? He was hit by a truck Why didn't the truck turn out of the way? Sally Was driving
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What does the emperor have when he goes for a sunday drive?
he has Divine Right of way
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What do you call a bus on its way to Comic Con?
Virgin Mobile
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What's the difference between a house cleaner and a thief?
The way they enter your house.
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Why do gingers love driving Kias?
It's the only way they can own a soul.
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How do you take the letter "F" out of the word "WAY" ?
There is no F in way.
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What do you say to Jennifer Anniston after she has been stabbed?
So noone told you knife was gonna be this way?
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What did the maggot say to his friend when he got stuck in an apple ?
Worm your way out of that one !
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How did I avoid getting hit by a Wfay?
I got the f out of the way.
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What is the definition of diplomacy?
The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
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How do you get an elephant into a Safeway grocery bag?
You take the "S" out of safe and the "F" out of way. One of my all time faves. If you say it out loud it will make sense :D
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Why don't women parachute naked?
Cause they would whistle on the way down
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How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways... Five.
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How do you fit an elephant in to a subway?
Take the 's' out of "sub" and the 'f' out of "way"
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How can you tell if a turkey is from Germany?
By the way it Goebbels
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What did the baby elephant get when the daddy elephant sneezed ?
Out of the way !
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Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
A. So they can find their way back to the house.
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What do they say about a rapper who stole a dictionary?
He got a way with words.
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What do blacks and bikes have in common?
They both stop working when you take their chains off. Edit: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was America. By the way, got this from AskReddit.
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Why do we have to sit at red lights if nobody's coming the other way?
We don't have to pay our taxes if nobody's checking, right
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How do you spell 'way' with an 'f'?
There's no 'f' in way
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How do you get an elephant into a Safeway shopping cart?
Take the "S" out of safe and the "F" out of way!
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Where's the best place to go on the first date?
All the way
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Why did Amy Schumer go to a psychic?
Because it's the only way she'll ever get near a medium.
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What if aliens are responsible for global warming?
And this is just their way of breaking the ice.
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How do you get an elephant into a Safeway bag?
You take the f out of "safe" and the f out of "way".
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How much do you bench?
Me: Way less than I couch.
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What did Norman Bates call his little sister?
You know you see it coming...) A: Psycho-sis! (I won't let the doorknob hit me on the way out..)