Week Jokes
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What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days ?
One is a weak one and the other one week !
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What would you call an additional day added to the week?
Sumday
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Whatever for?
Fred: Then you'd be in a cast for weeks.
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Why was the virgins' wedding during the middle of the week?
Because Wednesday is hump day.
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How do you ruin a joke?
By reposting it every week!
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What do you call a 5 year old's knees?
Kidneys! Ha! I'll be here all week folks.
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What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday...the rest are weekdays.
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Why are Sharks the only species that get their own week?
I'd totally watch hermit crab week if they had one.
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What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?
For me it's three weeks.
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Why is Friday the best day of the week?
Its the 5/7 day of the week
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What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day ?
After a week he was spotless !
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Why did the physicist move across the street from the haunted graveyard?
To observe spooky action at a distance! Thank you, I'll be here all week.
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How do redneck Na'vi get their skin tone?
Blue Genes... I'll be here all week
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What's the difference between a necrophiliac and someone with a granny fetish?
A couple of weeks
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Where should you take your cat, if it somehow loses its tail?
Walmart, they're the world's biggest retailer. Thank you. I'll be here all week.
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Whats the difference between your mom and a washing machine?
When I drop a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around for a week.
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What happened to your three week diet ?
Player: I finished it in three days !
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What do you call a Greek philosopher who plays hard to get?
A socra-tease Made this one up myself. I'll be here all week
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What's the difference between a washing machine and your mom?
The last time I dumped a load into the washing machine, she didn't follow me around for a week!
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Why should a honeymoon only be six days?
ANSWER: Because seven days makes a whole week.
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What's the best day of the week to marry your gaming console?
Wednesday
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Why did the L.A. riots last only 4 days?
Everyone knows black people can't work a full week.
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Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th?
Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas.
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Why repent?
I pented just last week.
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Why is England so special?
Only they can pull out of Europe twice in a week.
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Which day of the week do ghosts like best?
Moandays.
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What do you call a group of millionaires sitting around watching the NBA finals ?
The Lakers . (Laker fan here. Sorry prob would have been more appropriate last week during the finals. ) Edit: I heard this some where the other day. I can't take credit for the joke .
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Why was Wycleff Jean on L&O this week?
He only promised to be gone until November
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Why was the girl stuck in the revolving door for two weeks?
cuz she couldn't find the door handle
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What's the Russian President's favorite song?
Putin on the Ritz!" I'll be here all week guys.
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Why weren't you at work last week?
Me: Why are you living in the past
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What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
You can throw your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you around for two weeks afterward
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How many retweets to let me take your sister to prom?
A student walks up to his friend a week before prom and asks, "Hey, how many Twitter retweets do i have to get to take your sister to prom?" His friend says, "Dude, she was abducted! She's been missing 3 weeks, you know this!" The student says, "So you're saying if i find her, i can take her?"
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What did the tiger say to the detective?
I'm not lion. Ill be here all week...
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How many recovering alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?
We'll get on it next week
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Why do you smell like weed?
Me: How do you know what weed smells like ! Busted, mister! You're grounded for a week. Dad: Okaayy :(
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What did Abraham Lincoln say after a two week drunk?
I freed what
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What's the difference between a PC gamer and a console player?
One spends 400 dollars on a console that will play games for years, the other pays 400 dollars for a graphics card that will be outdated in a week
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How many editors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It was supposed to be in place last week!
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How do you know when you're turning 40?
When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh
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Why did u shoot your wife ?
Judge:why did u shoot your wife instead of shootingher lover? Sardar:Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.
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Who's there ! Cannelloni ! Cannelloni who ?
Cannelloni some money till next week
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What's the difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut?
About two weeks.
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What is the capital of the United States?
Half of what it was last week
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What's a nuns favorite day of the week?
Sununday.
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What has one eye but can't see?
A blind man... I'll show myself out... TO SEE YOU BACK NEXT WEEK!!
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What do a washing machine and a one night stand have in common?
a washing machine doesn't follow you around for a week after you put a load in it..
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What does it mean when a groundhog sees a maple leaf on feb. 02?
six more weeks of bad hockey!
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How would you improve our business?
Dude, I'd bankrupt you in a week. I'm just catchin Pokemon in your office."
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What do you call some who is afraid of Santa?
Clausetrophobic. I'm here all week.
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How does Walter Palmer like his eggs?
Poached. Thank you, I'm here all week. EDIT: this got no upvotes and I don't think it deserved any
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How the hell would she know?
We only met last week!
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What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.
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What do you call a policewoman who hasn't shaved for a week?
Constable
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What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise ?
A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper !
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How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
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What is a lesbians favorite day of the week?
Tuesday
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What's an American's favourite day of the week?
Fryday.
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What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on?
Do the math! Me: Seriously ! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow
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What do you call an alligator from India whose in charge of telling everyone what to do?
A Deli-gator...I'll be here all week!
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What do you call a pirate who intentionally sets a fire at sea?
An arrrrrsonist. Thank you. I'll be here all week.
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What's the difference between a blond and a washing machine?
When you drop a load into a washing machine it doesn't follow you around for a week.
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What's the difference between a blonde and a washer?
When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week.
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What award did the kid in a coma for six weeks win?
Atrophy.
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What's the true meaning of a New Years resolution?
Something you do for the first week of the new year.
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What's the difference between the jokes I read today, and the jokes I read last week?
The posters
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What's the difference between an 18yo and a washing machine?
You can dump your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you round for two weeks telling you it loves you
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Where's your bin?
A man sees that his neigjhbnour doesn't have his wheeled trash bin. "Hey bub, where's ya bin" "I took a little vacation for a few weeks," "No. I meant where's your bin?" "Told ya, vacation, at the beach!" "No man. Where's ya wheely bin?" "Ok, fine! I've wheely been to jail! Happy now?"
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What do you call a hispanic man with a rubber toe?
ROBERTO! I'm here all week.
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Who's there ! Amelia ! Amelia who ?
Amelia a package last week - did you get it !
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What do you call enchilada sauce bkessed by a priest?
A: HOLY MOLE' Thank you, I'll be in r/dadjokes all week!
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Why did the Country Bear Jamboree bear blush?
Because he was a bear a-singing. ..... I am at Disney with the kids this week...
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What's the difference between your mama and a washing machine?
The washing machine doesn't follow me around for a week after I dump a load in it.
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What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
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How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
I'll get back to you in a few weeks
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How many Kings of Spain abdicated last week?
Just Juan
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What do you call a skeleton in fancy attire?
Fashionably late. I'll be here all week.
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What's the difference between your mom and a washing machine?
If I dump a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around for the next few weeks.
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What's the best part about getting a puppy?
Getting new shoes every week.
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What's the difference between the jokes from today and next week's jokes?
The posters.
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What's the difference between a Surrey girl and a washing machine?
When you drop a load in a washing machine it doesn't text you every hour for a week.
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How long does it take King Zora to move out of your way?
A week, a week, a week, a week, a week, a week.
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Why did Clemson choose orange as its team color?
So they could play football on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up garbage the rest of the week.
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Why did u shoot ur wife ?
Judge:why did u shoot ur wife instead of shootingher lover Methew:Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.
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What is the dirtiest day of the week?
SaTURDay
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What do you call orange juice that looks like apple juice, but tastes like orange juice?
Juice Jenner. I'll be here all week
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Why do women make better soldiers?
Because they can bleed for a week and not die.