Witch Jokes
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Why did the witch go commando?
She needed some better grip on her broomstick.
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Who went into a witche's den and came out alive ?
The witch !
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What do you call someone who gets stoned and baked?
A witch.
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What do you call a bee who's had a spell put on him ?
He's bee-witched !
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What's the difference between a normal woman and a witch?
The spelling Teehee
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What happens when you see two twin sister witches?
You don't know which witch is which!
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What is the best way of stopping infection from witch bites ?
Don't bite any witches !
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What should you do if you find a witch in your bed?
Run!
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What did Aslan tell Lucy about the Witch and the Wardrobe?
It's Narnia business.
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Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist?
Because she thought everybody loved her.
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What do you call a witch with one leg?
Eileen.
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Why don't witches wear a flat cap?
There's no point to it
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Why don't witches ever have babies?
Because warlocks have hollow weenies!
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Why did the witch get a car with manual transmission?
Because she prefers to drive stick!
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How do you know when you are in bed with a witch ?
She has a big "W" embroidered on her pyjamas !
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What do you call a witch who drives really badly?
A road hag.
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Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat?
So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen.
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What is yellow and goes click-click?
A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older Wizard: With luck yes. Witch:
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Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they can get a better grip of the broom. :)
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What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter?
The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.
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How can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb?
You can hear their brooms tick!
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What happened to the witch with an upside down nose?
Every time she sneezed her hat blew off.
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How did the witch almost lose her baby?
She didn't take it far enough into the woods.
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What do you call a witch that goes to the beach?
Sandwich(sandwitch) -my nephew
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What do witches use pencil sharpeners for?
To keep their hats pointed.
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How do you tell two witches apart?
You can't! You don't know which witch is which!
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What is evil and ugly and goes at 125 mph?
A witch in a high speed train.
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Why could the witch never get the enchantments right?
She forgot to use Spell Check.
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Why don't witches like The Keg?
Because it's always burned at the stake
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What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray!
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How can you tell if a witch is racist?
See if she'll perform black magic.
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What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital?
With any luck you'll be able to get up for a spell.
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What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends ?
A witch with a blindfold !
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Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?
Better grip. Happy Halloween :)
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How does a witch make scrambled eggs ?
She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright ! 'Owl be seeing you later.'
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What kind of witch goes to the beach?
A: Sandwitch
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Why don't witches wear underpants?
To get a better grip on the broom
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Why couldn't the witch get pregnant?
Her husband had a holloween-ie.
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Why can't witches get pregnant?
Because all their husbands have Halloween-ies!
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What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sandwich.
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What do you call two witches who share a room?
Broom-mates.
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How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
Her food is potion-controlled.
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What happened when a deadly rattle snake bit a witch ?
He died in agony !
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How does a witch make scrambled eggs?
She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright.
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How did the witches and wizards in the Alzheimer's ward refer to Voldemort?
You-knew-who
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What does a witch do if her broom is stolen ?
She calls the flying squad !
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How do witches lose weight?
They join weight witches.
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Why couldn't the wizard get the witch pregnant?
He had a hollow-weenie
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What do witches ring for in a hotel?
B-room service.
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What do Terrorist Witches ride?
Boomsticks
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Why did the witch have to move out of her gingerbread house?
The property taxes were gastronomical.
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What goes cackle cackle squelch squelch?
A witch in soggy trainers.
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What did the witch put in her hair?
A: Scare spray.
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Why can't witches have babies?
Because their husbands have hollow-weenies.
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What do you call three witches in a hot tub?
A self-cleaning coven.
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Why did the witch lose her way?
Because her hat was pointing in the wrong direction.
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What did the witch say when her position was terminated?
You can't fire me! I snappopcrackleaaaaaargh!!!!
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What do you call a witch that stays out all night?
A fresh air freak.
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What does a witch get if she's a poor traveler?
Broom sick.
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How does a witch tell time?
With a witchwatch.
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What happens if you see twin witches?
You won't be able to tell witch witch is witch.
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What is the witches motto ?
We came we saw we conjured !
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What do you call a witch who climbs up walls?
Ivy.
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What goes cackle cackle boom?
A witch in a minefield.
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Why don't witches have babies?
Because their men have hollow-weenies!
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Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
Because so many witches are sweeping the sky.
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Why won't a witch wear a flat cap?
Because there's no point in it.
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What has handles and flies?
A witch in a garbage can.
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What noise does a witch make when she's flyin around?
BROOM BROOM BROOOOOOOM
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Why do witches have stiff joints ?
They get broomatism !
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Why dont witches wear underwear?
So they can get a good grip on the broomstick
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What's the difference between a princess and a witch?
2 years of marriage.
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How do you get a witch pregnant?
How do you get a witch pregnant?
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Why were the witch and wizard always kissing each other's necks?
Because they were neckromancers
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What is a witch's favourite TV show?
Lifestyles of the Witch and Famous!
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Why didnt the witch have any children?
Because her husband had a hollow weenie
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Why did the witch keep turning people into Mickey Mouse?
She was having Disney spells.
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What does puritan Mario do with witches?
BurnEm....BurnEmBurnEmBurnEm.
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Why does a witch wear a pointed black hat?
To keep her head warm.
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Where do witches and wizards shop?
Voldemart.
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What would you get if you crossed a witch with a famous movie director?
Steven Spellberg!
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Where did the witch get her furniture ?
From the ideal gnome exhibition !
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Why cant witches get pregnant?
Because ghosts have hollow-weenies! Happy halloween :)
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What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch?
A bird that's ugly but doesn't give a hoot!
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Why won't the witch let the traveling pig actors into her gingerbread cottage?
She's afraid they'll bring down the house.
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What did Hansel and Gretel say when the witch put them in the oven?
She diabeetus!