Witch Jokes

  • Why did the witch go commando?

    She needed some better grip on her broomstick.

  • Who went into a witche's den and came out alive ?

    The witch !

  • What do you call someone who gets stoned and baked?

    A witch.

  • What do you call a bee who's had a spell put on him ?

    He's bee-witched !

  • What's the difference between a normal woman and a witch?

    The spelling Teehee

  • What happens when you see two twin sister witches?

    You don't know which witch is which!

  • What is the best way of stopping infection from witch bites ?

    Don't bite any witches !

  • What should you do if you find a witch in your bed?


  • What did Aslan tell Lucy about the Witch and the Wardrobe?

    It's Narnia business.

  • Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist?

    Because she thought everybody loved her.

  • What do you call a witch with one leg?


  • Why don't witches wear a flat cap?

    There's no point to it

  • Why don't witches ever have babies?

    Because warlocks have hollow weenies!

  • Why did the witch get a car with manual transmission?

    Because she prefers to drive stick!

  • How do you know when you are in bed with a witch ?

    She has a big "W" embroidered on her pyjamas !

  • What do you call a witch who drives really badly?

    A road hag.

  • Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat?

    So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen.

  • What is yellow and goes click-click?

    A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older Wizard: With luck yes. Witch:

  • Why don't witches wear underwear?

    So they can get a better grip of the broom. :)

  • What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter?

    The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.

  • How can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb?

    You can hear their brooms tick!

  • What happened to the witch with an upside down nose?

    Every time she sneezed her hat blew off.

  • How did the witch almost lose her baby?

    She didn't take it far enough into the woods.

  • What do you call a witch that goes to the beach?

    Sandwich(sandwitch) -my nephew

  • What do witches use pencil sharpeners for?

    To keep their hats pointed.

  • How do you tell two witches apart?

    You can't! You don't know which witch is which!

  • What is evil and ugly and goes at 125 mph?

    A witch in a high speed train.

  • Why could the witch never get the enchantments right?

    She forgot to use Spell Check.

  • Why don't witches like The Keg?

    Because it's always burned at the stake

  • What do witches put on their hair?

    Scare spray!

  • How can you tell if a witch is racist?

    See if she'll perform black magic.

  • What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital?

    With any luck you'll be able to get up for a spell.

  • What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends ?

    A witch with a blindfold !

  • Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?

    Better grip. Happy Halloween :)

  • How does a witch make scrambled eggs ?

    She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright ! 'Owl be seeing you later.'

  • What kind of witch goes to the beach?

    A: Sandwitch

  • Why don't witches wear underpants?

    To get a better grip on the broom

  • Why couldn't the witch get pregnant?

    Her husband had a holloween-ie.

  • Why can't witches get pregnant?

    Because all their husbands have Halloween-ies!

  • What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?

    A sandwich.

  • What do you call two witches who share a room?


  • How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?

    Her food is potion-controlled.

  • What happened when a deadly rattle snake bit a witch ?

    He died in agony !

  • How does a witch make scrambled eggs?

    She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright.

  • How did the witches and wizards in the Alzheimer's ward refer to Voldemort?


  • What does a witch do if her broom is stolen ?

    She calls the flying squad !

  • How do witches lose weight?

    They join weight witches.

  • Why couldn't the wizard get the witch pregnant?

    He had a hollow-weenie

  • What do witches ring for in a hotel?

    B-room service.

  • What do Terrorist Witches ride?


  • Why did the witch have to move out of her gingerbread house?

    The property taxes were gastronomical.

  • What goes cackle cackle squelch squelch?

    A witch in soggy trainers.

  • What did the witch put in her hair?

    A: Scare spray.

  • Why can't witches have babies?

    Because their husbands have hollow-weenies.

  • What do you call three witches in a hot tub?

    A self-cleaning coven.

  • Why did the witch lose her way?

    Because her hat was pointing in the wrong direction.

  • What did the witch say when her position was terminated?

    You can't fire me! I snappopcrackleaaaaaargh!!!!

  • What do you call a witch that stays out all night?

    A fresh air freak.

  • What does a witch get if she's a poor traveler?

    Broom sick.

  • How does a witch tell time?

    With a witchwatch.

  • What happens if you see twin witches?

    You won't be able to tell witch witch is witch.

  • What is the witches motto ?

    We came we saw we conjured !

  • What do you call a witch who climbs up walls?


  • What goes cackle cackle boom?

    A witch in a minefield.

  • Why don't witches have babies?

    Because their men have hollow-weenies!

  • Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?

    Because so many witches are sweeping the sky.

  • Why won't a witch wear a flat cap?

    Because there's no point in it.

  • What has handles and flies?

    A witch in a garbage can.

  • What noise does a witch make when she's flyin around?


  • Why do witches have stiff joints ?

    They get broomatism !

  • Why dont witches wear underwear?

    So they can get a good grip on the broomstick

  • What's the difference between a princess and a witch?

    2 years of marriage.

  • How do you get a witch pregnant?

    How do you get a witch pregnant?

  • Why were the witch and wizard always kissing each other's necks?

    Because they were neckromancers

  • What is a witch's favourite TV show?

    Lifestyles of the Witch and Famous!

  • Why didnt the witch have any children?

    Because her husband had a hollow weenie

  • Why did the witch keep turning people into Mickey Mouse?

    She was having Disney spells.

  • What does puritan Mario do with witches?


  • Why does a witch wear a pointed black hat?

    To keep her head warm.

  • Where do witches and wizards shop?


  • What would you get if you crossed a witch with a famous movie director?

    Steven Spellberg!

  • Where did the witch get her furniture ?

    From the ideal gnome exhibition !

  • Why cant witches get pregnant?

    Because ghosts have hollow-weenies! Happy halloween :)

  • What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch?

    A bird that's ugly but doesn't give a hoot!

  • Why won't the witch let the traveling pig actors into her gingerbread cottage?

    She's afraid they'll bring down the house.

  • What did Hansel and Gretel say when the witch put them in the oven?

    She diabeetus!