Woman Jokes
-
What did the pirate say when his wife kept asking him about the steering wheel in his pants?
Yargg! Woman! Stop asking me! You're driving me nuts!"
-
How are women like KFC?
After your done munching on the breasts and thighs, you have a nice greasy box to put your bone in
-
Why do women wear white wedding dresses?
So the dishwasher can match the refrigerator and stove
-
What do you call a woman that raps about woman's rights?
Feminem
-
What is 4 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women crazy when they see it?
An empty toilet paper roll.
-
What do you call a joke that makes fun of a woman, who has not consented to be made fun of?
misogynistic.
-
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
-
How did the man get the woman into the pool club?
He snooker in!
-
Why are women such bad drivers?
Because they are constantly lied to about what 8" is.
-
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
-
Why did they invent the shopping cart?
To teach women to walk on their hind legs.
-
What's the difference between a group of crafty midgets and a jogging club comprised exclusively of women?
The former is a band of cunning runts...
-
What's in your mom's tummy?
5-year-old: A baby. Woman: What kind of baby 5-year-old: A human one. Nailed it.
-
What did the cannibal say after he ate a woman in the Coliseum?
He's gladiator.
-
What do you get when you watch Cinderella backwards?
You see a woman learn her place.
-
Why don't women wear skirts during winter?
They'll get chapped lips!
-
What gets wetter the more you dry?
A woman on a tumble dryer! (Bet you thought I was gonna say 'a towel', didn't you, silly redditors )
-
Why is it NASA has never sent a woman to the moon?
It don't need cleaning!
-
When will there be a woman in the White House?
A: When Hillary leaves town.
-
What's the worst thing about being a transgender?
Having the women inside of you telling you what to do.
-
Why did God make women last?
He didn't want someone telling him what to do
-
What does a battery have that a women hasn't?
A positive side....
-
How many women does it take to invent something?
Nobody knows, history is still waiting....
-
What's the difference between a race car and a woman?
One costs a lot of money to maintain, keep running, and give you the results you want. The other has four wheels.
-
Why divorce now after all this time together?
Woman: We wanted to wait until the kids were dead.
-
What's the best part of a woman?
between 18 and 24 yrs
-
What do you call a woman who dyes her hair red?
Transginger.
-
Why in the World would a Woman ever take her picture in the bathroom mirror?
It defies logic
-
What do you call a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, Chris Brown doesn't want you getting involved in his personal life
-
What do women and computers have in common?
What do women and computers have in common? You don't appreciate them until they go down on you.
-
Why did the women cross the road?
Well thats not the point what is she doing out of the kitchen !!!
-
How many women have you slept with wife asked husband, "How many women have you slept with?
he proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."
-
What was the point in making your car louder, bro?
Do you really want women to turn their heads and notice you drive a 1999 Honda Civic
-
What's the difference between a computer and a woman?
A computer only has to have information punched into it once.
-
How are women like snow?
They seem really cool at first but then you're sick of them after a couple days and no one wants to be driving when they're on the road
-
What do you call a woman with only one leg?
Eileen.
-
What do you call a woman who sets all her money on fire?
Bernadette!
-
Why did cavemen... drag their women by the hair?
So they wouldn't fill up with gravel.
-
What is the difference between a boat and a woman?
The boat cuts through the water, a woman waters through the cut.
-
Why do we let women and children off a sinking ship first?
So the sharks aren't hungry anymore.
-
Why do successful lettuce farmers always get women?
Because everyone knows they give good *head*.
-
Why do men, on average, die before women?
Because they want to.
-
What did Bob Marley say to his wife after he opened the fridge?
No, Woman, no pie."
-
Whats the difference between a woman and a floppy drive?
A Floppy Drive can only take 3.5" Inches.
-
Why couldn't the BMW fit into a narrow parking stall at Target?
because it was being driven by a woman
-
What do women and police cars have in common?
They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
-
What do you call a woman in heaven?
An Angel A crowd of women in heaven - A host of Angels And all women in heaven - PEACE ON EARTH!
-
Why did man invent the shipping cart?
To teach women how to stand on their hind legs.
-
What do women and linoleum have in common?
If you lay them just right you can walk on them for years.
-
How do you silence a group of women?
Bring out your camera.
-
How does a Redditor greet a woman from Kuala Lumpur?
M'alaydy
-
What do you call a woman that doesn't make me a sandwich?
An ambulance.
-
Why couldn't Helen Keller vote?
She was a woman! And it wasn't until 1920 when the 19th Amendment was ratified. At this point she was 40 years old and could vote.
-
How does a woman know she's sleeping with a forklift driver?
He beeps twice before coming through the flaps.
-
What did the physicist say to the two women he was trying to pick up at the bar?
Do you ladies wanna go back to my place and conduct a double slit experiment?"
-
What do you get for the women who has everything?
A divorce, then she'll only have half of everything.
-
What do women and hand grenades have in common?
When you pull the ring off, your house goes away
-
What do you call a woman that is beautiful and smart?
An actress.
-
What do you call a woman who will sleep with absolutely anybody?
Public storage.
-
Why do women like Ryan Gosling?
Because he is always Gosling around..... A co-worker snickered so I figued share.
-
Who was Michael Jackson?
Son: Dad, is God man or a woman? Dad: His both, son. Son: Dad, is God black or white? Dad: His both, son. Son: Dad, is God good or bad? Dad: His both, son. Son: Dad, is God - Michael Jackson?
-
What's one thing today that women are better at than men compared to the 1800's?
Gold digging
-
Why did Helen Keller fail her road test?
Because she was a woman
-
What is the difference between a man and a woman?
Wo
-
What do you call a guy that hates Christmas and steals the woman you love?
Ebenezer Scrooge-yagirl
-
What is your favorite joke about women?
Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: Because there is a clock on the stove.
-
Why do women always sleep on the left side of the bed?
BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS!!!!!
-
What do men and women have in common?
They both distrust men.
-
How do you make a woman blind?
Put a windshield in front of her.
-
What do deer and women have in common?
The hornier, the better!
-
Which woman has Jesus as a nephew?
The Auntie Christ.
-
What do you call a women with 1 leg?
ilene
-
Why don't women need umbrellas?
Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.
-
Why did cavemen pull their women around by their hair?
Because if they had pulled them by their feet they would have filled up with mud
-
Whats another meaning for a women?
Finger puppet
-
How many women have you slept with My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?
I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."
-
How do you get a woman to pick cotton?
Set her tampon string on fire.
-
When can women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
-
What's worse than a chauvinist man?
A woman who doesn't know her place.
-
Why does Islam marginalize their women?
Because she ain't special, Shiite.
-
How did the woman feel after her legs were amputated?
Defeeted
-
What do you yell when a woman falls of a boat?
Full speed ahead
-
What do you call a woman on a cruise ship in Mexico using the diving board at the pool?
A broad abroad on a board aboard.
-
Why is Santa Claus always a man?
Because no woman will wear same dress year after year for same occasion.
-
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
-
Why is it easier for women to shave "downstairs" than men?
They don't have to go through as many obsticles.
-
What do women and dog turds have in common?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
-
What's 7 inches and makes women submissive?
A knife.
-
How many black guys does it take to cook chicken?
None. Blacks belong in the fields, woman belong in the kitchen.
-
How do you know you are dating a women, not a girl?
A girl has no name.
-
What's the difference between the stock market and women?
With the stock market you can only lose when you pull out.
-
How do make a woman blind?
Stick a car windshield in front of her face.
-
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So that they can get closer to the sink.
-
What's four inches long and drives women crazy?
A 100 dollar bill you pervert!
-
Why is CoD like women?
Search and Destroy.
-
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and a woman?
Inserting a rod into the reactor turns it off.
-
What do you call a woman with her tongue out?
A lesbian with a hard on.
-
Why do women have trouble parking?
Because men tell them that 6" is more than it actually is.
-
Why does Saudi Arabia have so much oil?
Because the women are not allowed to drive.
-
What does a chauvinistic doctor use as a general term for women with high cholesterol?
A Broad Stroke...
-
What do you get when you watch 'Cinderella' backwards?
A woman in her place...
-
Whats the difference between a woman and a computer?
A woman doesn't accept 3 1/2 inch floppies
-
Why did the woman marry the shoe maker?
Because she was his sole mate.
-
What's 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
deez nuts
-
What involves a man and two women, and doesn't even last a minute?
A Ronda Rousey fight.
-
When a woman says "WHAT did you just say?
say something different.
-
What do women and dog-poop have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
-
What are four ways of spreading information that begins with "tel"?
Telephone, telegram, television, and tell a woman.
-
What's long, hard and makes a woman moan when erect?
An ironing board.
-
What kind of Aircraft is into Men and Women?
A Biplane.
-
How do you end an argument with a woman?
Tell her to calm down. You're dead now but the argument is over.
-
What do you call women who are faster than me?
Virgins. Sorry if it's a repost, I'm fairly new here.
-
How do you make a woman drive in a circle?
Take away her rights.
-
What do you call a woman with one short leg?
ilene.
-
Whats the difference between a retard and a woman?
The retard doesn't need to be buggered to think he's special.
-
Why is it so difficult for women to find a man who is sensitive, caring, and good looking?
All of those guys already have boyfriends.
-
Why did the woman leave her overweight husband unconscious in a burning building?
Because she couldn't stand him.
-
Why do Women get So Big when they're Pregnant?
To give their kids a wide birth.
-
What do black guys have that's longer than most white men's and gets even bigger when they touch a woman?
Their criminal record.
-
What's love?
Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink. Sister: Get away from him!
-
How Does a Woman Make a Man a Millionaire?
When he's a billionaire.
-
What's 18 inches and makes women SCREAM?
A stillborn.
-
What's the difference between a dog barking at the front door and a woman screaming at the back door?
If you let the dog in, it will shut up.
-
What's six inches long that women love?
Folding money.
-
Where are all the women in amateur astronomy?
At the other end of the telescope.
-
What gets easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.
-
What does a woman want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
-
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Ilene What do you call an Asian woman with one leg? Irene
-
What do you call a woman with multiple personality disorder?
Polly
-
What's 12" long, rock hard in the morning, and makes a woman cry?
A dead baby.
-
Why is a beer like a woman?
After you drink one you can't shut up or drive.
-
What did the sign convention management do to the woman who kept pulling down their long signs?
Banner.
-
What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with a vegetable?
Mrs Hawking
-
Whats the difference between and old computer and a woman?
a computer accepts a 3.5 inch floppy
-
What's 18 inches long, and makes a woman scream the entire night?
Her dead baby.
-
What do women and Spotify ads have in common?
They're both annoying and want your money.
-
What's the difference between a woman and a plate?
You can't lick a woman dry. Rimshot*
-
Why don't women work as long and as hard as men in the office?
They do it right first time.
-
What's the difference between a woman and a toilet?
The toilet doesn't insist on cuddling after you drop your load in it.
-
Why do Spanish beaches have a lot of women?
Cos they're playas.
-
What book do you like the most?
Woman: "My husband's checkbook."
-
Why do women wear striped bras?
Because it's a ZEBRA.
-
What do you get if you cross a woman with a whale?
Your research funding suspended and a severe reprimand from the ethics committee.
-
What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other?
Ilene. What if she is Chinese? Irene.
-
What do all battered women have in common?
In a frustrated voice) They just don't listen.
-
Why women prefer devils instead of angels?
Because devils are horny.
-
What is long and hard that women don't have compulsorily?
The military service.
-
Why are women so odd?
Because they can't even. Huh huh?
-
What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine?
When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after
-
Why was the woman with no children so good at konami games?
She takes contraceptives.
-
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
3.99 a minute.
-
Why did cavemen drag their women around by the hair?
Because if they dragged them by the ankles, they'd fill up with muck.
-
What do you call a woman who rents out hot dogs?
Lisa Frank
-
What can I do you for?
Woman: a bottle of wine and cab fare
-
Why is the difference between brucellosis and brucellitis like the difference between a woman and an LGBT woman?
One is real and the other isn't.
-
How does the modern-day James Bond prefer his women?
Shaven, not furred
-
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
-
Whats six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?
Money.
-
What's the longest game in the world?
Two women playing pool.
-
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don't have balls to scratch.
-
Why did the woman take a load of hay to bed?
To feed her nightmare.
-
Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
It doesn't need cleaning.
-
How many cats does it take for a woman to qualify as a "crazy cat lady?
None. Just a couple of youtube cat videos.
-
What do phone books and women have in common?
They both couldn't vote before 1920
-
What does a woman and KFC have in common?
By the time youre finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
-
What do you call a woman in the living room?
A tourist.
-
What's six inches long, has two nuts, and gives women big bellies?
Almond Joy.
-
Why did Yoda never get married?
Because when he was standing by alter, and asked "If he would take this women as his lawful wedded wife " His response was "Do I "
-
What is the difference between a Mother and Wife?
One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.
-
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of at tennis court?
Annette!
-
What's the difference between a woman and a gun?
Guns don't move out when you bring a new one home.
-
What do you tell a woman that has 37 stab wounds?
Nothing, you already told her 37 times.
-
What happens when a woman can't remember her mastectomy?
Mammary loss   I made this up myself!
-
How do cannibals pick up women?
With a fork
-
What do you get when you cross the Cosby Show with Law & Order: SVU?
Women Say the Darndest Things
-
Why don't women get hit by trains?
There is no railroad tracks between the living room and the kitchen.
-
What do you do when you hear a woman got hit by a car?
Wonder how the hell a car got into the kitchen
-
Why are hurricanes named after women?
Because they arrive wet and wild then leave with your house and car
-
How many women does it take to play tennis?
You can't play tennis in the kitchen
-
What do Lena Dunham & ISIS have in common ?
They both love stoning women.
-
What do you get when you cross the Cosby Show with Law & Order: SVU?
Women Say the Darndest Things
-
Why don't women drink beer at the beach?
Because they'll get sand in their Schlitz.
-
What does dog poo and women have in common ?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
-
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A washing machine won't follow you around after you dump your load in it.
-
What's the difference between a woman and a nun in a bath?
One has a soul full of hope and the other has a hole full of soap.
-
How do you know a woman is wearing tights?
Her knees swell up when she farts.
-
How do you pick up women in Waco, Texas?
With a DustBuster.
-
Why hasn't there been a woman on the moon yet?
it doesn't need cleaned.
-
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they are ugly and they stink.
-
What is a four-letter word for a woman that ends in "unt"?
Aunt.
-
What do you tell a woman who wants a larger outlook on life?
Tell her to stand next to the kitchen window
-
What do you call a woman who wants lots of compensation?
Sue.
-
What do you call a man who loves a woman for her brains?
A zombie.
-
Why do women love chocolate?
Because it's the only time 'rich' and 'dark' are used to describe the same thing.
-
What would Caitlyn Jenner need to do if she changed her mind about being a woman?
She would need to reJennerate some balls. What does Caitlyn Jenner do before she goes out Bruce's up for the evening.
-
What is 18 inches long, pink, squishy, and makes women cry?
SIDS
-
What do women and saxophones have in common?
They both blow and make different noises when you finger them.
-
What do bears and women from Arkansas have in common?
They can't stop licking their paws.
-
Why are there rugs in front of the stove and the sink?
So women know where to stand in the kitchen.
-
Why are there so many jumpshots in the WNBA?
Because women can't drive
-
What hurts more giving birth or being kicked in the balls?
A women will normally want more children after a year or two. No man has ever wanted another kick in the balls. Case closed.
-
Why did God invent women?
You think he's gonna wash the dishes
-
What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, I already told her twice.
-
What do you call a women who always knows where her husband is?
A widow
-
What do you call a Russian sovereign with dwarfism and a taste for both men and women?
A little bizar
-
What do you call a woman who can't make sandwiches?
Single.
-
What is big, vibrates and makes a woman scream when put inside her?
A chainsaw.
-
What do women and floor tiles have in common?
If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years.
-
What'll it be, love?
The woman replies, "I'll take a double entendre." So he gave it to her.
-
Why do women have shorter feet?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen counter.
-
What do you call a woman drowning in money?
Rich... Also an ambulance.
-
How many feminists does it take...... ...to change a light bulb?
0, woman are so unrepresented in technology that this is not possible.
-
What's the difference between a herpes and jacuzzi?
i let women know that i have a jacuzzi
-
What do you call a woman rolling around on a beach?
Sandy
-
What's the difference between a woman in the bath and a woman at church?
Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul.
-
What is the similarity between women and garbagebags?
You fill them up and toss them out the door!
-
What's the one thing a woman wants most in this world?
Nothing, she's fine
-
Why is women's soccer so rare?
It's quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
-
What is the Pope's favorite type of woman?
Nun
-
How many women does it take to bring down Herman Cain?
Nine-Nine-Nine
-
What do you call a woman with egg and sausage on here face?
Cafe
-
How did the woman feel when she got run over by a car?
Tired.
-
Why can't women ski?
there's no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom.
-
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, but I bet we could pay them less than a group of men for the same amount of work.
-
Why women mature faster than men?
Because men start growing breasts only after 40 years old.
-
How does a woman fix a ceiling problem?
She complains to a man.
-
Why Is A Man's Mind Dirtier Than A Woman's?
A woman changes hers more often.
-
How are women and computers the same?
Neither take your 3.5 inch floppy anymore.. unless you pay extra.
-
How are women and rocks alike?
A: You skip across the flat ones.
-
How does a women make you a millionaire?
You start as a billionaire
-
What is the first thing a woman should do when she gets out of the Battered Women's Shelter?
The dishes, if she knows what's good for her.
-
What's strong enough for a man but made for a women?
The back of my hand.
-
What do you call a woman leaving an abortion clinic?
Dead on the inside...
-
Why did cavemen drag their women around by the hair and not the feet?
Because if they drug them by the feet the would have filled with dirt.
-
What shall we do with all these letters begging for money?
the woman asks her husband. "Keep sending them!"
-
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women
-
Why don't women like to wear dresses in the winter?
Chapped lips
-
Why did you make women so beautiful?
God:"So you would love her." Man:"Then why did you make her so dumb " God:"So she would love you."
-
How does a woman show she's planning for the future?
Plastic Surgery.
-
What is your opinion on women making 75% of a man's wages for the same job?
I said "Congratulations!!!"
-
What do you tell a woman with black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
-
Why are men afraid of the world?
They spend 9 months trying to get out of a woman and the rest of their life trying to get back in.
-
What's wrong ?
3-year-old: NOTHING! Phew! she's already a woman :-o
-
What does 7-11 have in common with women?
Both of their eggs have sell-by dates.
-
Why cant a Mexican man sleep with three women at once?
Fear of over dos
-
What is it called when a woman can't imagine having kids?
Inconceivable.
-
What's another word for knowing that you're right?
Woman
-
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman
-
How does a woman destroy a mans pride with 4 words?
Is it in yet? How does a man destroy a womans pride with 4 words? I don't know.
-
Why is a woman unlike a washing machine?
After you throw a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow you around.
-
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist!
-
Why did the midget get slapped?
Because he told a woman how nice her hair smelled.
-
How do you know he's a peeping tom?
Woman: "When I asked him what he was doing out there, he said 'I was trying to get a pikachu'".
-
What do you call a man without a beard?
A woman.
-
Why do women love Jordan Spieth?
Because he came second.
-
What is something a woman hates about a man but a man would love about a woman?
Premature ejactulation.
-
What do women and werewolves have in common?
Offensive) They both go berserk once every month.
-
What do you call a woman who's not wearing underwear?
A barracuchi.
-
When is the only time a woman says something smart?
When her sentence starts with "A wise man once said"
-
Why is it better to date a woman with heavy thighs during the winter?
Your ears stay warmer.
-
Why don't women propose to men?
Because the guy'd always be disappointed when she took out a ring.
-
How old?
Woman: "Thanks, she's 34 weeks. Do you have the time " Me: "Sure, it's 972 minutes past midnight."
-
What is Caitlyn Jenner's favorite song?
More than a Woman by the BeeGees
-
Why won't a woman sleep with you after a date at Burger King?
Because you have to court her before you pound her.
-
Why don't women parachute naked?
Cause they would whistle on the way down
-
Why do women aged 40+ not play hide and seek?
cause nobody would be looking for them.
-
Why do woman out live men?
They don't have wives
-
How do you fix a womans watch?
You dont. There is a clock on the oven.
-
What do you tell a women with a black eye?
Nothing, you already told her once.
-
Why did Bruce Jenner crash his car?
Because she's a woman.
-
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One.
-
What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties?
A: Women!
-
What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down?
Wife.
-
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't care. You pick
-
What does a woman have in common with a KFC meal?
Once your are done with the juicy breasts and tender thighs, all that's left is a greasy box to throw your bone in.
-
Why is it so expensive to divorce a woman here in California?
Because it's worth it.
-
What's the Difference between a Girl and a Woman?
Prison
-
Why did the woman take her third aborted fetus to see the priest on Sunday?
Half Life 3 Confirmed!
-
How do you know that Santa is a man?
No woman wears the same attire every year.
-
What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman?
ANSWER: A battery has a positive side.
-
What did the woman say to the stamp collector to reject his romantic advances?
Philately will get you no where.
-
How are women like rocks?
You skip the flat ones.
-
Why didn't I play in the Woman's world chess championships?
Because I ran
-
Why did God invent shopping carts?
To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.
-
Why do women have trouble peeing in the morning?
You ever tried to open a grilled cheese sandwich
-
Why do woman make terrible truck drivers?
Because you give them one good load and it takes them nine months to deliver.
-
What's the difference between a woman kneeling in prayer and a woman kneeling in a bathtub?
a woman kneeling in prayer has hope in her soul.
-
What do you call 5 guys who have no arms or legs and a woman floating in the water together?
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob and Ann
-
Why do women need to wear jockstraps while skydiving?
To prevent them from whistling.
-
Why are Mens bathrooms usually to the left?
Because women are right.
-
Why do women make better pilots than men?
They only have one joystick to worry about.
-
What does Batman say when he goes down on a woman?
What does Batman say when he goes down on a woman? To the bat cave!
-
What's a woman who always knows where her husband is?
A widow.
-
What does the doctor say to the woman who has to get a c section?
There's not enough womb!
-
What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?
Annette.
-
Why are men faster than women?
Ball bearings and stick shift.
-
Where do you touch a woman to give yourself the most pleasure?
The back of her head.
-
What is the difference between a women driving strawberries?
None, both are collect in a field.
-
What's the best way to get a youthful figure?
ANSWER: Ask a woman her age.
-
Why are women so afraid of looking stupid?
Because they don't want the world to know!
-
Why do women always say they want a man with a stable job?
What's so glamorous about cleaning up after horses
-
How do we not know what women want yet?
There are tons of conflicting lists all over the internet.
-
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
-
Where would men be without women?
The Garden of Eden
-
What does Wonder Woman call foreplay?
Amazon Prime.
-
What do you get with a woman majoring in woman's studies?
I don't know but she'll never make as much as a man AND SHE KNOWS IT!
-
What is 20 inches long and makes women scream at night?
A stillborn
-
What's the difference between a woman coming out of church and a woman taking a bath?
The woman coming out of church as hope in her soul!
-
Why do women try to talk football?
Do you see me in the kitchen discussing dishwashing strategies No. You don't.
-
What is six inches long has a bald head and drives every woman crazy?
100$ bill
-
What's the difference between a good joke and a woman?
The good joke doesn't get a black eye when you tell it a second time.
-
What do women that have miscarried suffer from?
Mourning Sickness.
-
What do you call a woman with no legs?
Disabled.
-
How do you make any woman wet?
Liquor
-
What present can you give to the woman who has everything?
Antibiotics.
-
What runs forever and never dies?
An argument with a woman! And I'm in one right now.
-
When can a woman make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire (Credit to Kevin Hart)
-
What's the best way to pick up a woman?
Like a sixpack
-
Why do women make such horrible capenters?
Because for years men have telling them that ---------------- is 8 inches long.
-
Why did God make man before woman?
You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.
-
Why aren't there more women in STEM?
Because they're stupid and illiterate.
-
Whats the difference between a woman and a dog?
Put them both in the trunk of your car, drive around the block, and see which ones happy to see you afterwards.
-
How is a woman who got her winter coat at Target similar to an officer on leave?
They both got their fur low.
-
What is the similarity between Disney World and a woman?
They both make you wait 2 hours for a 30 second ride!
-
Why don't women need to go to college?
Because it doesn't take four years to learn how to make a sandwich.
-
How do men in New Zealand address their women?
Hey! Ewe!"
-
What do you call the operation that turns a woman into a man?
An addadictamie.
-
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.
-
What is 6 inches long 2 inches wide and makes a woman crazy?
100 bill.
-
Why do women have legs?
Have you seen the mess snails make?
-
When is the one time when no doesn't mean no?
When a woman rejects feminism.
-
What do women and the square root of 2 have in common?
They're both irrational.
-
How many women does it take. . . to screw in a lightbulb in a convent?
Nun.
-
Why is there no "Lets settle this like women"?
Because it lasts forever.
-
What do you call a woman in Thailand?
A three-legged lady
-
Whats the first thing a woman does when she gets to the battered shelter?
The dishes if she knows whats good for her.
-
What can happen when a car breaks down?
A woman's car breaks down on a busy highway. She manages to ease it over to the shoulder and gets out and opens the trunk. Immediately two men clothed only in trench coats leap out and begin to open and close their coats, exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. Pretty soon a police officer stops. "What's going on here?" the cop asks. "My car just broke down," the woman responds. "NO, I mean those two guys," the cop continues. "Oh," the woman replies, "they're just my emergency flashers."
-
Why is a gun better than a woman?
You can buy a silencer for a gun
-
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
-
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
-
Why are ugly guys better with computers then women?
Turning off a computer often fixes the problem.
-
Whats the difference between a woman and a plate?
You can lick a plate dry
-
Why does Reddit love Ronda Rousey so much?
she hits women
-
What's the most useless thing on a woman?
A drunk Irishman.
-
Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning
-
What's the best way to make friends?
tell a woman you love her and she says "i think we're just friends..."
-
Why do women make better soldiers?
Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
-
What's 9 inches long, pink, and women scream when you put in their mouth?
Their miscarriage
-
What do a bucket and a woman have in common?
Before 1928, neither could vote.
-
Why is womens soccer so rare?
Why is womens soccer so rare? Its quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
-
Why do women like men who can work on cars?
They know how to work under the hood!
-
Which is easier for a man to leave: the women or the Wine?
A: It depends on the age.
-
Why can't women drive?
Because there aren't any roads from the bedroom to the kitchen.
-
How do you know that God isn't a woman?
Because I'm not a sandwich.
-
What do you say to a women with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've already told her twice.
-
Why do women forget if you call them beautiful 100 times but remember if you call them ugly once?
Elephants have good memory
-
What do you call a women who cant draw?
Trace
-
Why don't women wear skirts in San Fransisco?
Because their balls would show.
-
Why do women love men who work with Horses?
Because those men have got Stable jobs.
-
Why can't women explain feminism to men?
Because they need a man to do it for them
-
What do you say to a woman with only one tooth?
Nice tooth.
-
Why are women and children evacuated first in an emergency?
So the men can think of a solution in silence.
-
Why is Beyonce always singing about going "To the left"?
Because women have no rights.
-
How do you pick up women in Auschwitz?
With a broom & dustpan.
-
Who are these women?
A: Women working at 900 numbers.
-
What does a neckbeard call a woman he meets at a fast food joint?
McLady.
-
Why did Bobby Fischer marry a woman from Prague?
A: He was looking for a Czech mate.
-
What do women in the Middle East and Millennials have in common?
If they go to college, they'll probably get stoned.
-
What do they say when a woman falls over?
FULL SPEED AHEAD!" Sauce: https://www.youtube.com/watch v=OA8TlOsVw#t=82
-
What does autocorrect and women have in common?
They both jump to concussion
-
What do you call a really bad driver in France?
A woman.
-
What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.
-
How do you keep a group of women from talking?
Ask the oldest one to speak first.
-
Why don't women like drinking beer at the beach?
Because they'll get sand in their schlitz.
-
Why does society think less of a man when he strikes a woman instead of sparing them?
Because a strike only requires one ball while a spare requires two balls
-
What's the difference between a woman and a bowl of ramen noodles?
A bowl of ramen noodles is actually ready in 5 minutes.
-
What do black guy's have that is twice the size of white men's, and expands upon contact with a woman?
A criminal record.
-
What do the woman from southern California and the clouds over the Pacific coast have in commen?
They're both Marine layers
-
Whats the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub?
One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.
-
What do you call a woman without an sshole?
A: Divorced
-
What's 6" long and women love it?
100$ bill.
-
What's a man's idea of a perfect date?
A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack.
-
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
When you're done with the breast and thighs, the only thing left is a greasy box to put your bone in
-
What do you tell a women with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
-
Why did the woman refuse to pay for her Brazilian waxing?
A: Because it was a total rip-off.
-
When do men insist that women are illogical?
When a woman doesn't agree with them.
-
What is Mike Tyson's favorite thing for a woman to wear?
Thort thorts.
-
What is the definition of 'making love'?
Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her.
-
Why was he woman arrested on a cattle ranch for wearing a silk dress?
She was charged with rustling!
-
Why do women prefer 77 more than 69?
Because they get 8 (ate) more. Repurposed from a comment.
-
How does a woman hold her licker??
By the ears...
-
What am I?
I start with a v and every woman has one. She can even use me to get what she wants. What am I? I'll post the answer in 10 minutes.
-
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes ?
Nothing, somebody already told her twice"
-
Where'd you get the pig"?
Woman: "How DARE you call my dog that!" Man: "I was talking to the dog!"
-
What did the pirate say when he saw a woman giving head?
There she blows!!!
-
What do women want?
She has been talking nonstop for the last two days.
-
How do men and women fill the fuel tank differently?
Men jiggle the nozzle afterwards.
-
How do most women like their eggs?
Ovarie-z
-
How can you get hundreds of women wet all at once?
Go to a john mayer concert!
-
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees. (Not sure if this one translates well to english)
-
Where does Ned Flanders pick up women?
On OkilyDokilyCupid
-
Why don't women wear skirts in the winter?
Ever try and peel apart a cold grilled cheese sandwich
-
Why is a woman like a KFC?
After your done with the thighs and breasts all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
-
What's the difference between a woman and a man?
A woman will buy something on sale even if she doesn't need it. A man will buy something he needs at full price. Then, what is the difference between a black woman and a black man? The black woman will steal something she doesn't need. The black man goes to jail because you can't hide diapers under a shirt.
-
What is the difference man &?
woman ? Pupil :Sir, in overtime ,overdose & overhead ,man shouts and woman sobs
-
What do you call a woman with an opinion?
Wrong.
-
Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers go away!
-
Why should every woman know a C++ programmer?
Because they'll always let friends access their private members. Ba dum tiss.
-
How do you understand women?
I really just want to know.
-
What do women call men under 6 inches?
Friends.
-
What did Nala tell Simba after seeing a herd of women on Black Friday?
You gotta Mufasa"
-
What did the woman from Finland say after seeing an old man fall in the water, knowing he couldn't swim?
Oh no, Helsinki! He Finnish!"
-
What do u give a woman who has everything?
Penacilin
-
What do women and turds have in common?
The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.
-
How do you blind a woman?
You put a windshield in front of her.
-
How are women like 90 degrees?
They're always right.
-
Why does wonder woman fly?
Because she can't drive for sh*t.
-
What do you call two women standing side by side?
Four abreast!
-
How many walruses does it take to make a sandwich?
Don't be silly, walruses don't make sandwiches; women make sandwiches. Made this up to bug my sister. It worked. Her husband laughed.
-
What does a woman get every month that lasts 3-5 days?
Her husband's salary.
-
Why do you never buy a woman a watch?
Because there's a clock on the stove.
-
How do you know when a woman is pregnant?
She switches from Ragu to Prego.
-
What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub?
The woman in church has hope in her soul... The woman In the bathtub has soap in her hole.
-
What is the difference between a woman and a forklift?
There is none. In both cases, if you don't have one, you unload by hand.
-
What's the difference between a man and a woman?
A woman wants a man who can satisfy all her needs. A man wants all women who can satisfy his needs.
-
What do women and fly wire have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
-
Why did (do?
cavemen drag their women by the hair if the dragged them by their feet they'd fill up with mud.
-
What do you call a bolt that dresses like a woman?
A cross-threader
-
How the hell did Caitlyn Jenner win women of the year?
She hasnt even been a women for a year yet.
-
How are asymptotes like women?
You can get close to it, but you can't touch it
-
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other Ilene. What do you cal an Asian woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Irene
-
Why do women have short feet?
So they can stand closer to the sink
-
Why haven't Women landed on the Moon?
Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!
-
Why do women talk so much?
Because they have 4 lips.
-
What did the man with Verizon say to the woman with Sprint?
You better Sprint on over to the Verizon store.
-
How do soldiers tell if a woman is a genuine Red-Head?
If it's red on top, fire in the hole.
-
What do women and pine trees have in common?
Every time you try to get on one, they ruin it by getting sappy.
-
Why are women bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to all their lives about how long "8" inches is.
-
What do a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
-
What can hunger do that a woman simply can't?
Drive me to the grocery store.
-
What do women and rocks have in common?
You can skip the flat ones.
-
What do you do when a woman serves you bad sushi?
Sue she
-
How can you tell a woman is having a bad day?
She has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarette
-
What do you say to a woman with a black eye?
Nothing. She's already been told.
-
How can you tell this joke was submitted by a woman?
No, wait.
-
Why do women and children evacuate first in an emergency?
So the men can go on Reddit and repost this joke.
-
What do Iraqi men do that gets them laid on the first date?
They give their women awesome Dinar.
-
What is strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
The back of my hand...
-
Why is it hard for men to understand women?
Because you have to study abroad to understand them.
-
What would a world without women feel like?
A pain in the arse.
-
What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long has a head on it and that women love so much that they often blow it?
A: a $20 bill
-
Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver?
She is a woman.
-
How does a woman go about inventing a lightbulb?
She gives birth to a son.
-
Why can a woman never be a good DJ?
They will never listen to Logic or Reason.
-
What is the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub?
Answer: One has hope in her soul the other has soap in her hole.
-
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need...A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
-
Why do women make bad engineers?
Their whole lives they have been told 5 inches is 8
-
What do you call a woman who marries an old ugly and poor man?
A: Stupid!
-
What is little, red and crawling up a womans leg?
A failed abortion with homesickness.
-
How do you tell if a woman is a feminist?
She'll tell you within five minutes.
-
Why is the love of a woman with 20 children magical?
Because it feels like a wizard's sleave.
-
Why couldn't Hillary win the election?
Women only win .7 votes for every one a man wins.
-
How is a woman like KFC?
After you're done with the breasts and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box.
-
What is the first rule of Womans fight club?
Never tell anyone what are you so mad about
-
What did the woman say when she was diagnosed with cerebal palsy?
Nothing, she was too disabled to speak
-
What do you call a woman who fell off a cliff?
Eileen Dover...
-
What's the difference between an onion and a woman?
I cry when I cut open an onion
-
Why do women have cleaner minds than men?
Because they change theirs more often
-
What's the difference between sheep and women?
The Welsh don't know yet either.
-
What's the name of the operation to change a woman into a man?
Addadictomy.
-
Why do they name all hurricanes after women?
Because when they arrive they are wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car
-
What do you call a woman with a very round head?
Sophia. (sphere) it works best spoken
-
What do you call a woman that won't make a sandwich?
An ambulance.
-
What do you call a treehouse full of women you despise?
A country.
-
How does a woman go about inventing something?
She gives birth to a boy.
-
Why are women like parachutes?
Because if they don't spread they are worthless.
-
What did the computer technician say to the woman about her virus infected laptop?
Ma'am, we cleaned your dirty bits and suggest getting a bigger hard drive"
-
What's a similarity between obese people, and my relationships with women?
They don't work out.
-
What does a tornado and a woman have in common?
It starts with a little blowing but at the end your house is gone
-
What do you call a women with one leg?
ilene
-
When is a woman wrong?
As long as she is unmarried.
-
What is a woman ?
Man with a uterus somewhere
-
What do you call a woman with six kids?
Lucy
-
Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
-
What is the size of women in Italy?
Itali-cized.
-
Why are Women like buses?
You wait all day for one then find out 48 other people in the local area have been riding on her.
-
Why don't women wear watches?
Because there's a perfectly good clock on the stove
-
What's the main thing a woman needs to think about when considering a potential boyfriend?
Is this the man I want my kids to spend every second weekend with?
-
What do you call two women in a canoe?
Fur traders!
-
Why do women have legs for?
To not leave a snail trail behind them.
-
What are the three fastest forms of communication?
Telephone, telegraph, tell a woman.
-
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
-
Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?
She was a woman.
-
How would you describe the woman who attacked you?
Describes mother* *Gets a copy of picture* *Gives it to mum as late birthday present*
-
What do you use when you are drowning in women?
A flirtation device.
-
How does a woman differ from a computer?
You can actually punch information into a computer.
-
What do women and stones have in common?
You skip the flat ones.
-
What's in front of a woman and in the back of a cow?
The W. Yeah my dad just busted this joke on me.
-
Why don't women need watches?
There's a clock on the stove.
-
Why wouldn't you teach a woman how to ski?
Because there's no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom..
-
Why do you need to be 35 to be elected president?
So women don't get elected.
-
Why was Helen Keller a terrible driver?
Because she was a woman
-
What do you call a woman who is paralysed from the waist down?
Married.
-
Whats the difference between a woman and a feminist?
A woman can understand irony and satire without being offended.
-
What snooker and women have in common?
When pink is blocked by red, you hit the brown.
-
Why do women live longer than men?
Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!
-
How are PCs different from woman?
I know how to turn a PC on.
-
What happens to a woman who falls down the stairs?
Nothing, as long as she doesn't drop my beers
-
What do you calll a woman that people sit on ?
Cher !
-
What's 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and drives women wild ?
A 100$ bill
-
What did the homeless man say to the woman who asked if he wanted 20$?
Yeah.
-
How are women and linoleum floors alike?
You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
-
What do you call a women that catches fish?
Annette
-
Why do women like roses?
Because they are pretty and hurt you.
-
How do you spell women backwards?
Kitchen
-
What's long and hard and makes women groan?
An ironing board.
-
What would you call a woman who goes out with You?
Desperate!
-
What does KFC and a woman have in common?
Once you're done with the breasts and the thighs there's still a greasy box to put your bone in.
-
What's the difference between a woman in a bathtub and a woman in a church?
The woman in church has hope in her soul.
-
What do you call a dinosaur who knows how to please its woman?
A Lickalottapus
-
Where does Wonder Woman buy all her stuff?
Amazon.
-
Why did Carrie Fisher enjoy doing her one-woman show?
Because she nailed that Solo.
-
Who are we?
Women!" "What do we want " "We don't know!" "When do we want it " "Now!"
-
Why did man invent curling?
To convince women sweeping was a sport.
-
How do you stop a woman giving you head?
Marry her.
-
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice already
-
How many women have u slept with?
Husband: Only you, Honey. With everyone else, I was awake.
-
What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with Vegetables?
Mrs Hawking
-
What do you say when a woman falls off a boat?
Full speed ahead!"
-
What do you mean he's your half son?
What do you mean what do I mean?" replied the man. He went on to explain "My son has half my genes, that makes him my half-son." The woman he was talking to decided he was crazy and without replying walked past him. She looked back and noticed his neck was red, after all it was a sunny day.
-
Why do women live on average two years longer?
Because the time they spend parking doesnt count.
-
Why do women love Satan?
He's down to Earth.
-
Why did u shoot your wife ?
Judge:why did u shoot your wife instead of shootingher lover? Sardar:Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.
-
What's the difference between a smart midget... What's the difference between a smart midget and a woman with a venereal disease?
Well, one's a cunning runt...
-
What's the first thing a woman does after leaving spousal abuse therapy?
The dishes, if she knows what's good for her!
-
What do you call a woman who does not have all her toes on one foot?
Normal
-
How can a woman make you a millionaire?
When you marry her as a billionaire.
-
How does a woman apologize to a man?
I'm sorry, but it's your fault.
-
What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bath?
One has hope in her soul...
-
What do women call men who are shorter than 5'7"?
Friends
-
What do a woman and a grenade have in common?
Pull off the ring and the house is gone.
-
Why do they call it "Lipstick?
When a woman can easily move her lips after she applies it
-
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.
-
What did the fisherman do when he really liked a woman?
He invited her over to net fish and krill.
-
What does a muslim man call a woman he wants to sleep with, but can't due to religious reasons?
Harambae
-
Why are women like DOS?
BAD COMMAND OR FILENAME
-
Why did u shoot ur wife ?
Judge:why did u shoot ur wife instead of shootingher lover Methew:Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.
-
What did the woman say to the guy in Naval intelligence?
You really have a smart uniform.
-
Why can't rock climbing instructors get dates?
Because they rappel men and women.
-
Why do women only use putters while playing golf?
Because women can't drive.
-
Why was the woman so attached to her Dr. Scholl's gel insert?
OC It was her sole comfort.
-
Why don't women need a watch?
There's a clock on the stove.
-
Why don't women fart?
They can't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
-
What's 3 inches long and pleases all women?
A credit card.
-
What do you call a women with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
-
What do women and modern computers have in common?
Neither one will accept a 3 and a half inch floppy
-
What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
-
What is the fastest speed a woman can go ?
68, because when she turns 69 she blows a rod.
-
What do you say to a woman with one black eye?
Nothing, you've already told her.
-
What do black guys have that's double the size of white men and gets bigger every time they touch a woman?
A. Their criminal record
-
Why do women over 40 don't play hide and seek?
Because nobody is looking for them.
-
What do you call a woman made out of beef?
Patty
-
Why is it the only thing a woman wants out of a man these days is security?
Well it's the first thing they say when I approach them.
-
What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire?
Bernadette.
-
How many menstruating women does it take to change a lightbulb?
That's not funny.
-
Why do more men die in car crashes than woman?
Because women are at the wheel.
-
Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?
Cause if you dragged them by the feet, they'd fill up with dirt.
-
Whats the biggest difference between men and women?
The phrase I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film. is a good place to start.
-
Why couldn't the woman date a German man?
Because she was Klaustrophobic!
-
What do you call it when a woman of the church goes on a secret mission?
Nun of your business
-
How do you like your job testing push-up bras?
The other woman replies, "It has its perks."
-
Why can't woman drive?
Because there are no roads from the bedroom to the kitchen!!
-
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving...
-
How many women does it take to screw a lightbulb?
Only one, but with a perticular FETISH
-
Why are there so many women archaeologists?
Because women love digging up the past.
-
How many women are necessary to change a lightbulb?
One... but, what does it matter if she will ask a man to do it !
-
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me..."
-
What's roughly 6 inches long, has a head on it, and women love it so much that they often blow it?
A 20 dollar bill
-
How do you know if a woman is hot for you?
When you stick your hand in her underpants it feels like you're feeding a horse.
-
Why do women like men with moustaches?
Because they immediately see something about you they can change.
-
Why are air hostesses bad at dating?
Most men aren't interested in **plane** women.
-
Why are men smarter than women?
They have two heads.
-
What do you call a woman with a bicycle on her head ?
Petal !
-
What do women and parking spots have in common?
All the good ones are already taken, and the available ones are either pay or handicapped.
-
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
Wait, I can explain everything!
-
What quality does Elon Musk look for in a woman?
He just wants her to be down to Mars
-
Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
-
What did the woman do when a lemon tree fell her cat?
Nothing, she just stood there with a sour puss
-
Why are men better cooks than women?
Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months.
-
What's the difference between a battery and a women?
The Battery has a positive side.
-
What do you call a woman who throws letters in the fire?
Bernadette
-
Why couldn't the woman buy a bakery shop?
A: She couldn't raise enough dough.
-
What do women and the stock market have in common?
If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.
-
What's wrong with the sentence "Jack and Jill is playing in the field?
Women should be first.
-
How many women with PMS does it take to screw-in a light bulb?
Two. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . IT JUST DOES, OKAY?
-
Why are women like magazines?
They have a lot of issues
-
How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me" .
-
What do you call a woman who can't draw?
Tracy
-
Why did the woman fall into the well?
She couldn't see that well.
-
Why was the women unable to leave the boutique?
She couldn't find the Dior
-
What do you tell a woman with a black eye?
Nothing, she's already been told twice.
-
Why don't women wear dresses in the winter?
A: They could get chapped lips!
-
Whats the difference between a washing machine and a woman?
A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it.
-
What's better than seeing a woman wrestle?
Seeing her box.
-
How is a woman like an Electrical Fuse?
When they blow, you got no power!!
-
Why did the woman fall in love with the surgeon?
Because he cauterize.
-
How does one know a man is going to say something smart?
His senentences start with "A woman once told me.."
-
What do you call a programming language designed for women?
An object oriented programming language.
-
How does a Syrian family have a meal?
The men provide the food and the women do the cooking, leaving the children to wash up afterwards.
-
What did the woman do when she broke up with her boyfriend for her Mexican lover?
Go the other guey.
-
How do you get a woman to stop texting you?
Reply to her message within a minute
-
What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do?
Wrong.
-
What do women and fuses have in common?
They blow when they get turned on.
-
What do you call a man who thinks women are easy to lie to?
Deceased
-
What do women and Slinkies have in common?
Not much, but you can't help but crack a smile when see some tumbling down the stairs.
-
Why are people so impressed with voice control?
Women have been around for 100,000 years
-
What is the similarity between women and square roots?
If they are under 16 you should just do them in your head.
-
Why was Helen Keller a bad driver?
Cause she was a woman
-
How do we know God is not a woman?
Because the Earth is not a sandwich!
-
How many women does it take to park a car?
A man.
-
How do you call it when you get a eMail from a Women?
FeMail.
-
Why does that guy always get all the women?
I don't know...he isn't very handsome or rich" "And he's a terrible conversationalist - all he does is sit there licking his eyebrows"
-
Why is the men's room always located to the left?
Because women are always right.
-
Why are women like KFC?
After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
-
How can the eurologist tell if he is looking at a man or woman?
Well, there is a vast difference.
-
What do women and KFC have in common?
One you are finished with the breast and the thighs, you still have a greasy box to put your bone
-
What's a Chinese woman called with one leg shorter than the other?
Irene. (Normally start this as a two part joke with, "What do you call a woman with... Ilene." Ha... But figured everyone had already heard that).
-
Why Do Women Love Jesus?
He was well hung and super into cross fitting!
-
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
The nun has hope in her soul!
-
What is woman spelled backwards?
Kitchen
-
What do Lena Dunham & ISIS have in common ?
They both love stoning women.
-
Which is the month in which women talk the least?
February... because it has the least number of days
-
How do we know that God isn't a woman?
Because we're not all sandwiches
-
What do you call a man who jokes that women always make mountains out of molehills?
An ambulance.
-
What did the woman say while she was having a baby?
This could use some salt."
-
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've already told her twice...
-
What did the Italian baseball coach say about the only woman on the team?
Ciabatta very good!
-
How do you get a woman from to be, to bed?
Give her the D.
-
Why do Russians have so many bear fighting stories?
Because their liquor is strong and their women are hairy.
-
How are women like casinos?
Liquor in the front, poker in the back.
-
Why do women love the smell of babies so much?
Because 50% of the taste is in the smell.
-
What kind of woman are the most irrational?
The ones with the golden proportions!
-
How do you know when a woman is about to say some thing intelligent?
She starts her sentance with "A man once told me"
-
How does a flight of steps check out a woman?
It stares.
-
How can you tell that Caitlyn Jenner was once a man?
Because she's better at being a woman than most women are.
-
What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A computer will accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy.
-
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
-
What's the difference between a woman and a PC from 1995?
A woman doesn't accept 3 1/2 inch floppies.
-
Why are there no good jokes about men?
Because they were written by women.
-
What gets wetter the more you dry it?
A woman with a towel fetish
-
What's the best machine to impress women at the gym?
The ATM
-
What's the leading cause of obesity in women?
Wedding rings
-
Why did the woman miss the spaghetti train?
Because it went straight pasta.
-
Why are Muslim men allowed 4 wives?
Because "Islam gives women equal rights!"
-
What would you do?
Two policemen call the station on the radio. "Hello. Is that you Sarge?" "Yes?" "We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean." "Have you arrested the woman?" "No sir. The floor is still wet.
-
Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
Their shaky hands!
-
What do women and Google have in common?
They never let you finish first. (#s)
-
How many women have you slept with?
she asked. I said, "Do you want me to round it to the nearest ten " "Oh, I say. Go on then." she laughed. I said, "0."
-
What do you call a guy who makes "women in the kitchen" jokes?
Single.
-
Why women fail at saving money?
Have you ever seen a money-box (piggy bank) with a hole at the bottom...
-
What do women and dog poop have in common?
The older they are the easier they are to pick up.
-
How many women fits in a monk monastery?
Nun.
-
Why do women have babies?
Because it hurts and they deserve it
-
How is a Bill Cosby better than Ronda Rousey?
He's never met a woman he hasn't knocked out.
-
What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
You don't have to hug a washing machine half an hour after it finishes
-
Who do women produce milk for?
The baby and the dad.
-
How many times does a woman laugh after you tell her a joke?
Three. When you tell it to her, then when you explain it to her, and then when she gets it.
-
What's the three fastest ways of communication?
Telephone, telegraph, and tell-a-woman.
-
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you've already told her twice.
-
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence
-
Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?
She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.
-
Whats the difference between a terrorist and a woman with PMS?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
-
Why don't women sleep on the left side of the bed?
Because they always want to be right.