Word Jokes

  • What would you say are your strengths?

    Me: Words Him: Can you say more Me: More Him: Me: I'm also good at directions

  • What word in the dictionary is always spelled wrong?


  • When you guys describe me to your families do you use the word tigress?

    I'd prefer if you included tigress

  • What's a word that starts with "N" that you don't want to call a black person?


  • Why do we need to be learned English?

    Hmm.. Couldn't have worded that better myself, Luke"

  • Why are people still using a dictionary?

    I just type the words into Google and see if it corrects me.

  • Why was 4 afraid of 5?

    Because 5 was a Registered Six Offender. Edit: a word.

  • What's the word that starts with an "N" that no one wants to call a black person?


  • What word starts with N and ends with R and you never want to call a black guy?


  • What's another word for slaughterhouse?

    Lumbar mill.

  • Why do American's take letters out of words?

    Because they're lazy, and they hate U.

  • What do you call a hurtful play on words?

    A Punjab.

  • Which word is the longest in the English language?

    Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters

  • What is the only word that a redneck will capitalise?


  • Why do power lines hum?

    Because they don't know the words.

  • What were the Crocodile Hunters last words?

    You Irwin some you Irlose some" Then he dieded.

  • Why do guitar amps hum?

    Because they don't know the words.

  • What word begins with the letter "F" and ends in "UCK"?


  • How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician ?

    Just ask them to read this word: unionized.

  • Why do hummingbirds hum?

    They don't know the words.

  • What are the first words Jared Fogle's girlfriend said to him?

    Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies, sir?"

  • What body of water separates Italy from the word 'goodbye'?

    River Derci. Sorry.

  • Why is the word "smiles" the longest word in English?

    Because there is a mile separating the two s'es.

  • How do you describe every gf in one word?


  • How do you get out of a Russian prison?

    You have Vladmir Putin a word for you.

  • What is another word for Pokmon?

    A Rastafarian Proctologist

  • How many amateur masochists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Only one; But it takes a WHOLE E.R. room to extract it afterwards. Double joke! "whole... hole." it's a play on words ;)

  • What word starts with "n" and you never want to call a black person?


  • What did the Israeli Prime Minister who can't say the word "and" say about candy that caused such a hubbub?

    Mike Ike's are my least favorite.

  • Why would they add "twerk" to the dictionary?

    People that would use said word can't read.

  • What do you call a dwarf without a mouth?

    Short for words.

  • What word begins with M and ends in arriage and is a mans favourite thing?

    A: Miscarriage This joke never gets old, just like the baby.

  • What word begins with "N" and ends in "R" that I wouldn't want to call a black guy?


  • How do you describe Catwoman in one word?


  • What's a orphans first words?

    I don't know. But it sure as hell isn't mommy or daddy.

  • What's another word for cinnamon?


  • Why did the librarian hush the mime?

    Because actions speak louder than words.

  • What's the difference between a pun and a copy of Cliff's Notes?

    A pun is a play on words, while Cliff's notes are a word on plays

  • What is the best way for a pet shop to get business?

    Word of mouse.

  • Why can't you see a transgender who's a dad?

    Because he's a transparent. Apologies if I could've worded it different.

  • Who's there ! Aladdin ! Aladdin who ?

    Aladdin the street wants a word with you !

  • What does a rapper use to write their songs?


  • What's the fastest way to ruin free pie?

    Put the word 'gluten' at the beginning

  • How many vowels are in the word 'vowel'?

    Four. O, double-u and e.

  • What's Justin Timberlake's favourite Microsoft Word alignment?

    Justified. (NB Sincerely hoping that this is actually original)

  • What is Zack Morris's favorite type of word?

    A Preppysition

  • What's the sharpest thing in the word?

    A fart. It goes right through your pants and doesn't leave a hole.

  • Why do you keep changing a word into something that makes no sense ?

    You are the banner of my existence.

  • What word starts with M and ends in arraige and is a man's favourite thing?

    Miscarriage. This joke never gets old, just like the baby.

  • What word starts with F and ends with UCK?


  • What word that begins with "N" and ends with "R" do you never want to call a black person?


  • What's the plural form of the word "anecdote"?


  • What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?

    A: "Nobody's perfect!"

  • What do you call a Psychic Compromise?

    A Happy Medium. Sorry, a played around with the wording of this a lot and couldn't find anything better. Please suggest a better phrasing.

  • What did the answering machine say to the telephone?

    Take my word for it.

  • Whats the word im looking for?

    You're part of a three-man space crew orbiting Earth. You can ONLY relay one, one word message in 2 seconds. Whats the word

  • What word starts with F and ends in uck?

    Firetruck. The answer is Firetruck.

  • What's the magic word?

    Cut to them back at the station writing on a chalkboard with dozens of words crossed off

  • What is the only word in an English dictionary spelled incorrectly?

    Incorrectly is the only word spelled I n c o r r e c t l y

  • What do you call a word with two W's and one K?


  • What has one "n", two "g"s, an "i", "e", and an "r" and you can only say this word when you belong to this group?


  • What's another word for knowing that you're right?


  • What do they say about a rapper who stole a dictionary?

    He got a way with words.

  • How is this joke similar to a musical about a thesaurus?

    Both are a play on words.

  • Why did the gynecologist get taken in for questioning?

    He smelled a little fishy. Edit: a word.

  • Why don't the Germans care about the word, 'nichts'?

    It means nothing to them.

  • What's another word for Italian cologne?


  • What thought can you easily share with someone else without using words?

    That you to fart.

  • What were the last words Jimi Hendrix said before he died?

    S'cuse me, while I kiss the sky...*

  • How many words can you type a minute?

    ME: Probably all of them BOSS: What do you mean ME: Well, like for example, pickle

  • What word allows you to take away two letters and get one?


  • What word has the most letters in it?


  • Why did the punster enjoy the Broadway show about etymology?

    Because it was a play on words.

  • What word is always spelled wrong?


  • What's another word for a face tattoo?

    An everlasting jobstopper.

  • What word is always spelled incorrectly?

    Incorrectly. I'll see myself out.

  • What are the three words you dread the most while making love?

    Honey, I'm home."

  • What do you call a guy who can't get a word in edgewise during an argument?

    A "moderator", apparently.

  • Why should you never get into an argument with a dictionary?

    Because they'll always have the last word.

  • What are the two words men hate most unless used together?

    Don't Stop

  • What is another word for a rap battle?

    Black-on-black rhyme

  • How good are you at PowerPoint?

    I said, "I Excel at it." He replied, "Was that a Microsoft Office pun " I was like, "Word."

  • What's the problem with your marriage?

    WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

  • What three words will emasculate any man?

    A: Hold my purse.

  • Whats a word that white people can call white people but black people cannot call black people?


  • What word starts with N and ends with R and you never want to call a black person?


  • What word starts with N, ends with R, and you never wanna call a black guy?


  • Do you know what the word 'was' was initially?

    Before was was was was was is.

  • Ever wondered why bees hum?

    It's because they don't know the words.

  • How do you get your wife to listen to every word without interrupting?

    Talk in your sleep.

  • What is another word for Pokemon?

    A Rastafarian Proctologist

  • How do you tell the difference between a physicist and a plumber?

    Ask them to say the word 'unionized'.

  • Why is it so hard to pronounce words in Welsh?

    It is the language of Wales.

  • What is another word for children who haven't learned how to do math?


  • Where did Santa meet his wife?

    Conjunction junction, they specialize in hooking up words, phrases, and Clauses

  • What two words contain the most letters?

    A: Post office.

  • What is the best gift you can give your girlfriend for your anniversary?

    Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember. Edit: Wording clarified (Thanks to therinnovator).

  • Why do the French not pronounce "h" at the beginning of words?

    Because they hate it.

  • How do you say the word "peanuts" *without* the letter "t"?

    Think about it.

  • What two words have thousands of letters in them?

    Post office.

  • How do you pay for things in the Czech Republic?

    Cash or Czech Edit: a word

  • Why did the very religious man not say a word while he was fasting?

    He was afraid that he would swallow his words.

  • What dinosaur knows the most words?

    Thesaurus. :/

  • What is atheism?

    A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word "religion" with "set of beliefs" if you're picky about that sort of thing

  • Why does America spell some words differently?

    They said "We can do it without u, Britain."

  • What's a word that no matter how much you spelled it, it always wrong?

    Wrong, the word is wrong

  • Why aren't puns called pows?

    It is a play on words, after all

  • Which dinosaur knew... Q: Which dinosaur knew the most words?

    A: The thesaurus.

  • How soon?

    the frail man asked, his body trembling at every word. "In ten." "Ten what Ten years Ten-" "Nine." "Eight."

  • What jokes do you know that can only be understood if you know two (or more) languages?

    Like a joke that involves a pun on a word that has different meanings in different languages. Please tell us what languages they are in.

  • How many syllables does the word "Gloria" have?


  • Why are ghosts always just moaning?

    Did your manners die too Use your words!

  • What does a blonde say when you asked her what the last two words of the national anthem are?

    A: Play ball.

  • How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

    None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw. Edit: a word

  • What's another word for double-dating?


  • What two words result in the most marriages?

    Screw it. EDIT: has a better answer lol

  • How are men like television commercials?

    A. You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 30 seconds.

  • What is a punny play?

    A play on words.

  • Where'd he go?

    and the angel said, "He's at IHOP for never-ending pancakes" and they were like, "Word."

  • What is another word for a python ?

    A mega-bite !

  • What do me and Mariah Carey have in common?

    Neither of us know the words to any of her songs

  • How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

    Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

  • What's a word that starts with "u" and ends with "w"?


  • What do you call a show about puns?

    A play on words.

  • Why don't black people listen to country music?

    Every time the hear the word hoedown they think their sister's been shot.

  • How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer?

    Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".

  • Why do Retirees smile all the time?

    Because they can't hear a word you're saying!

  • Why won't people know when you replace words with instruments?

    Idk, accordion to research I guess.

  • How do you describe a hierarchy of police officers with only one word?

    Police police police police police police police police police police police.

  • What are the four words that you least want to hear, after having blown Willie Nelson?

    I'm not Willie Nelson."

  • Why do happy people like to sleep in late?

    Because they aren't mourning people. I just made this up!! Could you all help me with the wording? It feels like it could be a little better I just don't know how to word it differently while using the same "mourning" pun as the punch line.

  • What can you add to any food to make it taste better?

    The word "free"

  • What's the word for interested in something, but not enough to look it up on Wikipedia?


  • Who's there ! Armenia ! Armenia who ?

    Armenia every word I say !

  • What two words have the most letters?

    Post office.

  • What do you can an epileptic What do you call an epileptic in a garden?

    Seizure salad. edit: fixed the word 'call'

  • How many amateur masochists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Only one; But it takes a WHOLE E.R. room to extract it afterwards. Double joke! "whole... hole." it's a play on words ;)

  • When a programmer is born, what are their first words?

    Hello world!"

  • Why do bees hum ?

    Because they've forgotten the words !

  • Why use words you don't understand in your tweets?

    It just makes you look photosynthesis.

  • What do rappers use to write their lyrics?


  • What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her?

    It's an aunt- -him.

  • How many words does it take to start a car?


  • What's the good word?

    Legs. Spread the word.

  • Why do fluorescent lights hum?

    Because they don't know the words.

  • How can the National Anthem be racist if?

    The first words are, " Jose can you see "

  • What do you call a lawyer up to his neck in cement?

    Not enough cement EDIT: Okay thanks for pointing out that I messed up the wording but the joke is supposed to be the funny part

  • What's another word for "thesaurus"?

    Steven Wright joke, iirc.

  • How do you take the letter "F" out of the word "WAY" ?

    There is no F in way.