What do you call a dissection performed by drunks?

An Autipsy.

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How many IBM CPUs does it take to perform a logical right shift?

A: 32. One to hold the bits and 31 to push the register.

What do you need to perform a fair test in a mental asylum?

A control freak.

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What do you call a drunk who happens upon the scene of a crime?

an innocent bystumbler

Which has less drunks: an Irish wedding or an Irish funeral?

An Irish funeral has one less drunk.