Joke of the Day

Who's there ! Courtney Pine ! Courtney Pine who ?

Courtney Pine tables I need a new one !

How many ants does it take to fill an apartment?

Ten ants (Tenants)

Star Wars: Dad Jokes: The Best Worst Jokes and Puns from a Galaxy Far, Far Away . . . .
5.0

Hardcover

Available on Amazon

What do you call a terrorist in the North Pole?

An ISISicle!

Why did Sherlock Holmes not want a second cup of tea in the emergency room?

Because it was More ER Tea.

What did Drake Bell say to Batman?

Sorry, still calling you Bruce! I found this on Facebook somewhere; I dunno who to get credit to.

How many sound technicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One....Two...One, Two...

What Were Franco's Secret Police Called?

The Gazpacho

What begins with E, ends with E, and has one letter?

envelope

What did Jesus' disciples say when he caught all those fishes?

HOLY MACKAREL!

What did my Dominican girlfriend say when she saw me at the pet store?

Ay puppi.

How do we know Jesus wasn't a virgin?

Because he got nailed three times.

Who was the 45th Vice President of the United States?

Warning: Gore

Wacky Jokes for Kids: Over 500 Kids' Jokes including One-Liners, Knock-Knock Jokes, Tongue Twisters and Wacky Facts for Kids - Perfect for kids ages 5 to 12
4.7

Paperback

Available on Amazon

What do you get if you play a country music song backwards?

You get your wife back. Your house back. Your truck back. Your dog back...

Why did the architect take so long to get started on his church blueprints?

He couldn't decide what font to use.

What do you call an integral that doesn't like derivatives?

An anti-derivative.

Which side of a horse has the most hair?

The OUTSIDE! oh-my-goodness, that's hilarious! Skip

How many words can you type a minute?

ME: Probably all of them BOSS: What do you mean ME: Well, like for example, pickle

What do comic book collectors use in their hair when they shower?

Mint conditioner.

What do you get when you're bitten by a mosquito wearing a fedora?

M'laria

What do Jedi use to open PDF files?

Adobe wan Kenobi.

What would you call Neil Armstrong had he burnt up in the atmosphere returning to earth instead of landing safely?

An unfortu-naut... God that was horrible....

What's the difference between a goat and a kid?

My neighbour isn't unknowingly raising two of my goats.

The Best Worst Dad Jokes: All the Puns, Quips, and Wisecracks You Need to Torment Your Kids
4.8

Kindle

Available on Amazon

What is the best way to determine if someone is ticklish?

Give them a "test tickle."

Why do blondes work seven days a week?

A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

What word in the English language is always spelled incorrectly?

Incorrectly.

What did the Melon King say to the two young melons in love?

They can't-elope.

What did the Romans say to each other after crucifying Jesus?

Nailed it!"

What do you call an alligator that always starts fights?

An instigator!

What do you call a Rwandan tribe falling down a hill?

Tutsi Roll.

What's Santa's favorite snack?

A crisp Pringle

What do you call a kid who falls into a gorilla enclosure?

Zoolander

Why do the Japanese have squinty eyes?

Becuase atomic bombs are bright.

Dock Tok Presents…The Good, the Dad, and the Punny: Jokes from the Water’s Edge
4.8

Paperback

Available on Amazon

What shape is produced when you knock over a 60s actress?

a Tippihedron

Why do Mexicans cross the border alone?

Because there can only be Juan.

What kind of chemical bond is Hispanic?

An Ester Bond

What if Stephen hawking was the real slim shady?

but we would never know because he couldn't stand up

Why are Werewolves such pessimists?

They refuse to look at the silver lining.

Why do you love me?

Wife: *shrugs* Me: Why do you find me annoying Wife: *reveals six spreadsheets and a pie chart*

Which letter has the best bum?

Big Rs

How many Screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

The bulbs IN and it's staying IN!

How does Rudy Giuliani count to 10?

He doesn't he skips 1-8 and says 9-11 ten times.

Dumple Jokes More Dumple Jokes

How heavy is a dumpling?

Wanton

How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh?

It weighs *Won-ton*

Spell Jokes More Spell Jokes

How do you spell candy with two letters?

C and Y

Why do men like BMWs?

Because they can spell it. LOL LOL

New Mexico Jokes More New Mexico Jokes

When they named the state of New Mexico were they degrading the state or honoring Mexico?

it seemed funnier when I first said it. is this how it always happens

What is the most common educational degree in New Mexico?

Kindergarten dropout.

Amish Drive Shooting Jokes More Amish Drive Shooting Jokes

What goes, "Clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG BANG clip clop clip clop clip clop..." ?

An Amish drive-by shooting.

What goes clip-clop clip-clop bang!?

An Amish drive-by shooting.

Mexican Stoner Jokes More Mexican Stoner Jokes

What do you call a bunch of Mexican Stoners?

Baked Beans.

What do you call Mexican stoners?

Baked beans

Shopping Jokes More Shopping Jokes

Why do women live longer than men?

Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

Where did the ghost go shopping?

At the BOO-tique

Lazy People Jokes More Lazy People Jokes

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

Why do lazy people only drive automatics?

Because they're shiftless.

Trap Jokes More Trap Jokes

What do you call a trapped fly in a frying pan of stir fry?

Your mum

What happened to the Polish dog?

He chewed off 3 legs and was still caught in the trap