Who won the first Tour de France?

The Panzer SS 1st Division

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Where did you get that?

The pig replies, "I won her in a raffle."

What's better than winning the Paralympics?

A: Having legs!

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What did Charlie Sheen say when he won the Tour de France?

Schwinning!

Why did the Tour de France get raided?

The police heard it was full of pedal-philes.