Burglar Jokes

  • Who's there ! Burglar ! Burglar who ?

    Burglars don't knock !

  • What do you get if you cross a bunch of flowers with a burglar ?

    Robbery with violets !

  • Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall?

    To prove that he was framed!

  • What did the burglar give his wife for her birthday?

    A stole.

  • Why is there a baseball bat under your bed?

    Me: In case there's a burglar. 5: Me: 5: Why do burglars like to play baseball

  • What's the difference between a burger and a burglar?

    Cooking times.

  • Who else would've stolen it?

    You think a burglar broke in and was like "Cute top!"

  • Whats the difference between a burglar and an ex-wife?

    At least the burglar has the decency to leave you the house.

  • What did the burglar say to the lady who caught him stealing her silver?

    I'm at your service ma'am.

  • What did the burglar say to the watchmaker as he tied him up?

    Sorry to take so much of your valuable time.

  • Why did the burglar take a shower?

    He wanted to make a clean getaway

  • Who could that be?

    It's 2:00 in the morning. Her: I don't know. Do burglars knock Me: It depends on how they were raised...

  • Which burgers are dishonest?

    Cat-burgers! (burglars)

  • What do you call a government consisted of burglars?

    A thiefdom.

  • Why are burglars such good tennis players ?

    Because they spend such a lot of their time in courts !

  • How did the burglar get into the house?

    Intruder window

  • Why didn't Kevin from Home Alone call the cops when the burglars came around?

    He was running a trap house.