What "c word" describes my girlfriend and why I'm not getting any?

Carpaltunnel

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Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

How do you know when a mechanic has a girlfriend?

He has one clean finger.

What is the friend zone?

It's the space between girlfriend and girl friend.

Describe Jokes More Describe Jokes

What's my type?

Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I'm describing my bed again.

Why is Dave Mustaine described as "heavy metal"?

Because he sings lead. (Better read than said.)