What did Wilford Brimley say to his wife when he found out she was pregnant?

You have diafetus

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How did Spartacus feel about going down on his wife?

He was gladiator

How do you tell who loves you more. Your wife or your dog?

Put both of them in the trunk of your car...drive around...open the trunk and see who is happy to see you.

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Why does a redneck find his cousin more attractive than a stranger?

Because it's all relative.

What did Spock find in the toilet of the Starship Enterprise?

The Captain's Log.