Amish Jokes

  • What's the most played song at Amish parties?

    Churn Down For What

  • How many Amish people does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A what?

  • How do you please an Amish woman?

    Give her two Mennonite

  • How do you tell the teams apart in Amish women's basketball?

    It's skirts versus shins.

  • What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?

    A mechanic.

  • Why did the Amish woman divorce her husband?

    Because he was driving her buggy.

  • When an Amish buggy breaks down on the side of the road, who do they call?

    Triple Hay

  • What does an Amish drive by shooting sound like?

    clop clop clop, bang bang, clop clop clop*

  • What did the Amish IT guy say about the computer?

    It was a bit buggy.

  • Where do Amish people go to get medicine?

    To the farmacy.

  • What do all Amish women want?

    2 Mennonite.

  • How many men does it take to get an Amish woman pregnant?

    Two men a nite.

  • Why don't the Amish waterski?

    The horses would drown. Ba-dum TISH

  • What goes clop, clop, bang bang bangbangbang!clop,clop,clop?

    An amish driveby

  • How many Amish people does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A what?

  • How do you castrate an Amish man?

    Kick his sister in the jaw.

  • How are the Mafia and the Amish similar?

    They both don't like wires

  • What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's arse?

    A mechanic.

  • What is every Amish woman's dream?

    Two Mennonite.

  • Why should you always invite Amish people to a party?

    They know how to raise the roof.

  • Why was the Amish girl kicked out of her community?

    Too Mennonite

  • Why was the Amish girl excommunicated?

    Two men a night.

  • What do you call a cute girl in an Amish church?

    A visitor.

  • Why isn't Kanye West allowed in rural Pennsylvania?

    An Amish with a tool, you know that's unheard of.

  • What do you call a group of Amish children?

    Amlets. (I'll see myself out)

  • What's the difference between the Amish and a Ferrari?

    About 568 horses.

  • Why did the Amish woman get pregnant?

    Because she was seeing too many Mennonite.

  • Why was the Amish girl shunned?

    Too Mennonite.

  • What do all Amish girls want?

    Two Mennonite

  • Why don't Amish people water ski?

    Because their horses would drown.

  • Why was the Amish girl excommunicated ?

    Too Mennonite." - Hitchens

  • How do you make an Amish woman happy?

    Three Men-A-Night

  • How many Amish guys does it take it satisfy an Amish whore?

    Two men-a-night!