Divorce Jokes
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Why are you divorcing her?
Me "She changed the station during Bohemian Rhapsody." J "You get half her stuff." *air guitar solo*
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Why did the 2 stem cell researchers get a divorce?
Because they grew a part.
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Why did the Amish woman divorce her husband?
Because he was driving her buggy.
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What did the two stoners do with their son when they divorced?
They put him under joint custody.
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Why is 6 divorcing 7?
Because 7 8 out 9.
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Why did Santa want a divorce?
His wife made sure he only came once a year.
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Why do people get divorced in the holiday season?
Because they Marry Christmas!
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What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce in the South?
Nothing, someone's losing the trailer. -Robin Williams
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What do a hurricane and a divorce in Virginia have in common?
Screaming, crying, and somebody loses a trailer!
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What's the difference between a divorce and a tornado in the south?
Nothing. Either way someone is going to lose a trailer
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Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
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Why did my Geoligist wife divorce me?
She kept on saying that everything I said was complete bullschist
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Why so glum Chum?
asked the kindly stranger. "If my parents get divorced...will they still be brother and sister "
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Why did the marriage between the crab and the shrimp end in a divorce?
Because they were both too Shellfish.
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How many divorced men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Who knows, they never get the house.
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What did Han.... Tell Leia after they separated?
May Divorce be with you.*
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What did Ray Charles say when his wife told him she wanted a divorce?
I did not see that coming.
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What do you want for your birthday this year?
Vanessa: I want a divorce! Kobe: I wasn't planning on spending that much this year. Here's another ring.
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What did my wife say to me?
I want a divorce
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Why did the Yield Sign want to divorce the Stop Sign?
He caught her in a 4-way
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Why did the horse get a divorce?
It didn't have a stable relationship.
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What is it exactly that separates man from animal?
Divorce
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What do you call the divorce between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie?
a Brexit
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What do numbers look like when they get divorced?
96
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Why did the dentist divorce the manicurist?
She tried to stick her finger in his cavity.
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What did Luke say at Han and Leia's wedding?
May divorce be with you
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Why are divorces so expensive?
Because they are worth it!
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Why do divorced men get married again?
A: Bad memory.
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What's the difference between Jared Fogle's divorce and other divorces?
Most married couples tried to stay together FOR the kids. Not divorce because of them.
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What did the gamer wife told his gamer husband after they got divorced?
Good support in-game, bad in giving child support. gg no re
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What's the most trifling thing about divorce when you have kids?
Child custardy
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When did your parents divorce?
ME: No, they were hoarders, and the second floor collapsed.
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Why did Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond never get a divorce?
She didn't want an ex Ray Edit: I meant debra
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What do a tornado and a divorce in the South have in common?
Someone is losing their trailer..
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Why did that animal's wife get a divorce?
Because he was a cheetah.
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What do a hurricane a tornado a fire and a divorce have in common?
They are four ways you can lose your house!
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Why divorce now after all this time together?
Woman: We wanted to wait until the kids were dead.
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Why did Walt and Skyler get divorced?
There was no chemistry.
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Why did the lizards get a divorce?
A reptile dysfunction
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Why did the janitor file for a divorce?
He found his wife sweeping with someone else.
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Why is it so expensive to divorce a woman here in California?
Because it's worth it.
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Why did the cab driver get a divorce?
Because he had a fare.
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What's the major cause of divorce?
Answer: Once is not enough.
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Why did the Dad divorce his wife after she named their son?
She named him Oedipus.
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Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it is worth it..
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What is it called when two little people get divorced?
Daworfed
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What do you call an overpriced castration?
A divorce.
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What do they call divorce in India?
Re-arranged marriage
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What happened to Casper the friendly ghost after his parents got divorced?
His mom got soul custody.
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What is the similarity between tornadoes and divorces in Kentucky?
either way, someone is losing a trailer.
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What is your reason for divorce?
She pronounces 'Kansas' like the second part of 'Arkansas'
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What seperates man from animal?
Divorce!
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Why Don't You Lick Me Like That?
Because Yogurt Tastes Better" The Divorce Is Next Tuesday
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What did the coffee shop owner's wife say when she discovered he wasn't using Free Trade beans?
That's grounds for divorce!"
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What is a recently divorced woman's favorite fruit?
Mango!
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How was my engagement the same as my divorce?
In the end, I settled.
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Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?
Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.
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What's the definition of divorce?
The screwing you get for the screwing you got!
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What do you call someone whose filed bankruptcy 4 times and divorced twice?
A GOP Presidential candidate.
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Why did the termite got divorced?
Because she ate the secretary.
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What's the best part of divorce?
Two Kwanzaas
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What's the similarity between Divorce and tornados in the Midwest?
Someone's losing their trailer