Divorce Jokes

  • Why are you divorcing her?

    Me "She changed the station during Bohemian Rhapsody." J "You get half her stuff." *air guitar solo*

  • Why did the 2 stem cell researchers get a divorce?

    Because they grew a part.

  • Why did the Amish woman divorce her husband?

    Because he was driving her buggy.

  • What did the two stoners do with their son when they divorced?

    They put him under joint custody.

  • Why is 6 divorcing 7?

    Because 7 8 out 9.

  • Why did Santa want a divorce?

    His wife made sure he only came once a year.

  • Why do people get divorced in the holiday season?

    Because they Marry Christmas!

  • What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce in the South?

    Nothing, someone's losing the trailer. -Robin Williams

  • What do a hurricane and a divorce in Virginia have in common?

    Screaming, crying, and somebody loses a trailer!

  • What's the difference between a divorce and a tornado in the south?

    Nothing. Either way someone is going to lose a trailer

  • Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?

    Because he thought his wife was a flake.

  • Why did my Geoligist wife divorce me?

    She kept on saying that everything I said was complete bullschist

  • Why so glum Chum?

    asked the kindly stranger. "If my parents get divorced...will they still be brother and sister "

  • Why did the marriage between the crab and the shrimp end in a divorce?

    Because they were both too Shellfish.

  • How many divorced men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Who knows, they never get the house.

  • What did Han.... Tell Leia after they separated?

    May Divorce be with you.*

  • What did Ray Charles say when his wife told him she wanted a divorce?

    I did not see that coming.

  • What do you want for your birthday this year?

    Vanessa: I want a divorce! Kobe: I wasn't planning on spending that much this year. Here's another ring.

  • What did my wife say to me?

    I want a divorce

  • Why did the Yield Sign want to divorce the Stop Sign?

    He caught her in a 4-way

  • Why did the horse get a divorce?

    It didn't have a stable relationship.

  • What is it exactly that separates man from animal?


  • What do you call the divorce between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie?

    a Brexit

  • What do numbers look like when they get divorced?


  • Why did the dentist divorce the manicurist?

    She tried to stick her finger in his cavity.

  • What did Luke say at Han and Leia's wedding?

    May divorce be with you

  • Why are divorces so expensive?

    Because they are worth it!

  • Why do divorced men get married again?

    A: Bad memory.

  • What's the difference between Jared Fogle's divorce and other divorces?

    Most married couples tried to stay together FOR the kids. Not divorce because of them.

  • What did the gamer wife told his gamer husband after they got divorced?

    Good support in-game, bad in giving child support. gg no re

  • What's the most trifling thing about divorce when you have kids?

    Child custardy

  • When did your parents divorce?

    ME: No, they were hoarders, and the second floor collapsed.

  • Why did Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond never get a divorce?

    She didn't want an ex Ray Edit: I meant debra

  • What do a tornado and a divorce in the South have in common?

    Someone is losing their trailer..

  • Why did that animal's wife get a divorce?

    Because he was a cheetah.

  • What do a hurricane a tornado a fire and a divorce have in common?

    They are four ways you can lose your house!

  • Why divorce now after all this time together?

    Woman: We wanted to wait until the kids were dead.

  • Why did Walt and Skyler get divorced?

    There was no chemistry.

  • Why did the lizards get a divorce?

    A reptile dysfunction

  • Why did the janitor file for a divorce?

    He found his wife sweeping with someone else.

  • Why is it so expensive to divorce a woman here in California?

    Because it's worth it.

  • Why did the cab driver get a divorce?

    Because he had a fare.

  • What's the major cause of divorce?

    Answer: Once is not enough.

  • Why did the Dad divorce his wife after she named their son?

    She named him Oedipus.

  • Why is divorce so expensive?

    Because it is worth it..

  • What is it called when two little people get divorced?


  • What do you call an overpriced castration?

    A divorce.

  • What do they call divorce in India?

    Re-arranged marriage

  • What happened to Casper the friendly ghost after his parents got divorced?

    His mom got soul custody.

  • What is the similarity between tornadoes and divorces in Kentucky?

    either way, someone is losing a trailer.

  • What is your reason for divorce?

    She pronounces 'Kansas' like the second part of 'Arkansas'

  • What seperates man from animal?


  • Why Don't You Lick Me Like That?

    Because Yogurt Tastes Better" The Divorce Is Next Tuesday

  • What did the coffee shop owner's wife say when she discovered he wasn't using Free Trade beans?

    That's grounds for divorce!"

  • What is a recently divorced woman's favorite fruit?


  • How was my engagement the same as my divorce?

    In the end, I settled.

  • Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?

    Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.

  • What's the definition of divorce?

    The screwing you get for the screwing you got!

  • What do you call someone whose filed bankruptcy 4 times and divorced twice?

    A GOP Presidential candidate.

  • Why did the termite got divorced?

    Because she ate the secretary.

  • What's the best part of divorce?

    Two Kwanzaas

  • What's the similarity between Divorce and tornados in the Midwest?

    Someone's losing their trailer