What is a carpenters dream girl?

What is a carpenters dream girl? Flat as a board, skinny as a nail and easy to screw.

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Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many members of Linkin Park does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, cuz in the end it doesn't even matter!!!

How many retarded Italian gardeners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One but don't expect results.

Nail Jokes More Nail Jokes

How do you stop a baby from crawling round in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

How do we know Jesus wasn't a virgin?

Because he got nailed three times.

Board Jokes More Board Jokes

What do you call a woman on a cruise ship in Mexico using the diving board at the pool?

A broad abroad on a board aboard.

Why doesn't Jesus Play Hockey???

Because he doesn't want to be nailed to the boards.