What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

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Why are woman's feet always so cold in bed?

Because they have no soles. Joke my fiancee just said to me.

What do spies say in bed?

Shh I'm undercovers

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Why couldn't Mozart find his mentor?

Because he was Haydn

What kind of birds do you usually find locked up ?

Jail-birds !

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What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep ?

Trunkquilizers !

How does a mama pig put her piglets to sleep?

She reads them pig tales.

Sofa Jokes More Sofa Jokes

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?

She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.

500 Pound Jokes More 500 Pound Jokes

What does a 500 pound parakeet say?

TWEET!!!

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.