Clean Jokes

How do you clean a spear?

Put it through the Wash.

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What do maids in Manhattan use to clean their kitchens?

J-lo Cloths

Why does Juan walk around the school like he owns the place?

Because his dad built it and his mom cleans it

What do you call someone who cleans vacuums?

A vacuum cleaner.

How does a Reaver clean his spear?

He puts it in the Wash.

Why does Jerry Sienfeld clean up on tinder?

He can't go left

How do Reavers clean their spears?

They send them through the Wash.

Why was the powerlifter fired from his job at the restaurant?

He was awesome at cleaning the bar, but he wouldn't stop jerking it.

Why should you hire a drag queen to help clean your garage?

They know how to tuck away junk.

How much does it cost to clean up Germany?

About 6 million.

What's the real reason Mr. Clean is always smiling?

He likes it dirty.

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What does the aquarium janitor use to clean?

She uses all-porpoise cleaner!

What's the Difference Between Guts and Balls?

Guts is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk meeting your wife at the door with a broom in her hand and asking her if she's still cleaning the house or going out for a ride. Balls is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk with lipstick all over your face and the scent of women's perfume all over you, meeting your wife at the door and stating, "You're next, chubby."

Why is it NASA has never sent a woman to the moon?

It don't need cleaning!

What do you say when you see two cleaning ladies making out in public?

Get a broom.

How many bruthas does it take to clean a kitchen?

None, that's women's work!

Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon?

It doesn't need cleaning

Which part of a billiards setup can you use to clean your ears?

The cue tip.

What do you call a Serbian who won't clean his room?

Novak.

Who do you call to clean up foul language?

A cuss-todian!

How do you know when a cat's done cleaning itself?

It's smoking a cigarette.

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How many Swedes does it take to clean a men's bathroom?

None because they pee sitting down.

What's the difference between toilet paper and shower curtains?

If you answered "I don't know." I would like to tell you that I spent all day cleaning that mess up.

What did the mexican boy say to his mom after he mopped the floors and found his brother?

I've cleaned up and found Jesus.

Why hasn't there been a woman on the moon yet?

it doesn't need cleaned.

What do you call the person that cleans the Mafia's hotel rooms?

A maid man.

How many dubstep fans does it take to clean a shower?

100. 1 to actually clean the shower, and 99 to stand around and talk about how filthy it is.

How many dub-step artists does it take to clean a bathtub?

100. One to actually clean it, and 99 to talk about how dirty it is.

What do the janitors clean the Reddit office with?

Derpentine.

What do you call three witches in a hot tub?

A self-cleaning coven.

Where do I start cleaning!?

5mins later* Me: I need a new room.

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Which service do you require?

Me: Oh! Don't mind me, I was just cleaning cake off the touch screen.

What do you call someone who is iffy about cleaning lawn games?

A wishy-washy Washer washer.

What does a sailor use to clean his clothes?

Tide

Why do Mexican students act like they own the school?

Because there mom cleans it and there dad fixed the roof

Where'd you get those shoes?

Me:"I've had these for years. Is that a new grill I saw " H:"Nope just cleaned the old one" *Marriage lies

Where's my cell?

Right there." That's not my phone. "Yes it is. I cleaned it!" My cell's white

What does cats and festival attendees have in common?

They both love using the toilet right after it's been cleaned.

What do communists clean first when they do their laundry?

Their Linens

When you have the choice between cleaning the bath or doing some sport... which series do you watch ?

D

Why did Helen Keller stop cleaning her dishes?

She was running out of things to read.

What if Snow White just pretended to be asleep so she didn't have to clean up after little people anymore?

Because that I totally get.

Why do Mexicans always walk around like the own the place?

Their dad built it, and their mom cleans it

What kind of soap do you use to clean a dirty joke?

Bawdy wash.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?

Are they afraid someone might accidentally clean them

Why does she keep cleaning the floors?

Me: Her stepsisters make her. 5: She should just buy a Roomba.

What do you call a man who cleans your house?

Dustin.

How'd family dinner go?

ME: Huge mess to clean. F: It's spotless! M: *sprays luminol* You'd never know they were even here.

When I get mad at you, you never fight back.How do you control your anger?

WIFE : I clean the toilet.... HUSBAND:How does that help WIFE : I use your toothbrush.

Why roboticize vacuuming?

It's all instant gratification. It's the crack of cleaning.

What did the Chinaman cleaning the rotisserie say to the crestfallen window shopper?

No Peking!

What do you call a man who cleans out toilets ?

Lou !

What did the computer technician say to the woman about her virus infected laptop?

Ma'am, we cleaned your dirty bits and suggest getting a bigger hard drive"

Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?

It doesn't need cleaning.

How does Kris Kringle clean his hands?

Santatizer

Why in the hell would I clean my bathtub?

I put soap and water in there every day...

How messy is your closet Joe?

You have been in your closet for an entire month cleaning it!"

Why do women always say they want a man with a stable job?

What's so glamorous about cleaning up after horses

How does Google clean their facilities?

They use Google Mops.

Why haven't Women landed on the Moon?

Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!

Why did the janitor get fired from the bank?

Because he cleaned out the vault.

What did the Gorilla do when he saw the sign 'Clean Washroom'?

He cleaned it!

How does a vampire clean his house?

With a victim cleaner.

When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up?

This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.

Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?

To prevent bat breath!

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Sign Jokes More Sign Jokes

How about an autograph mate?

Sure." He replied. So I signed a photo print of myself and gave it to him.

How many controlled oposition does it take to change a light bulb?

None you know of. Since they signed a Non Disclosure Agreement to not talk about it.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

How do you end an argument with a woman?

Tell her to calm down. You're dead now but the argument is over.

Place Jokes More Place Jokes

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. They hold it in place and wait for the world to revolve around them.

How can you tell when a German is joking?

Don't worry, he will inform you after delivery of the punchline has taken place. Just a joke!

Spear Jokes More Spear Jokes

What's black, white, and red all over and can't turn around in a narrow hallway?

A nun with a spear through her head.

What do you call a British guy who throws a spear through the knee?

Britney Spears

Vacuum Cleaner Jokes More Vacuum Cleaner Jokes

What brand of Vacuum Cleaner does Snoop Dogg use?

Bissell

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?

The vacuum has the dirtbag on the inside.

Whistle Jokes More Whistle Jokes

Why did the referee blow his whistle at the leper hockey game?

There was a face off at centre ice.

Why can't humans hear a dog whistle?

Because dogs can't whistle. (X-post from r/dadjokes)

Lay Jokes More Lay Jokes

What's the difference between a brick and an MRA?

Bricks get laid.

When do chickens stop laying eggs?

Henopause

Kitchen Jokes More Kitchen Jokes

How many black guys does it take to cook chicken?

None. Blacks belong in the fields, woman belong in the kitchen.

Why did the marble countertop leave the kitchen?

It was tired of being taken for granite.