Month Jokes

  • What month was King Kong born in?


  • Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?

    Secretary: My lawyer.

  • What about Fox News?

    They haven't shown a fox in months. (Craig Ferguson)

  • Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

    A: Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.

  • What is the Rebel Alliance' least favorite month?

    The Imperial March.

  • What is the date in Germany/Brasil in about a month from now?

    Germany/Brasil 7-1

  • Why does Woody Harrelson's wife call him Moses?

    Because he Ramparts the red sea each month

  • What brings you here?

    14.99 per month and a addiction to a game that's been failing since Cata

  • What is Mr. T's favorite month?

    April, fools

  • Where is Jennifer's husband?

    Jennifer is 21 years older than her son Douglas. 6 years from now, Jennifer will be 5 times as old as Douglas. Question: Where is Jennifer's husband? Solution: J=D+21 J+6=5(D+6) According to my math, Douglas has 3/4 years, which means -9 months. Pregnancy lasts for nine months, so Jennifer's husband is in the bed with her right now. Sauce:

  • Why do woman make terrible truck drivers?

    Because you give them one good load and it takes them nine months to deliver.

  • What do you mean, ten?

    Ten years Ten months Ten-" "Nine... Eight..."

  • What do you call LeVar Burton that survived months of being lost in the wilderness?

    Geordi La Forage

  • What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road?

    He was stopped for speeding fined $50 and dismantled for six months.

  • When is the month when the most trees fall?


  • Whats the month people get most drunk in?


  • What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

    See you next month.

  • What's the difference between an 18 year-old girl and a washing machine?

    When you dump a load in the washer, it will not follow you around for two months.

  • What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?

    I think we should sea otter people.

  • Why was the blond happy she finished the jigsaw puzzle in six months?

    It said 2 to 4 years on the box.

  • What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months?

    A: An Apple turnover.

  • What does a woman get every month that lasts 3-5 days?

    Her husband's salary.

  • What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?

    The letter "D" !

  • How long does it take for a black woman to poop?

    Nine months.

  • How was your trip to Israel?

    This month they had Sukkot (the festival of tabernacles) It was pretty "in tents".

  • Why did the man tear a page out of the calendar?

    He wanted to take a month off.

  • How long have we had that pillow?

    Wife: No idea Memory foam pillow: Two years, five months and two days

  • What's the difference between an orphan home and a terrorists' boot camp?

    I don't know. I'm retiring next month.

  • How many seconds are in a year?

    Only 12. One for every month.

  • Who is a Project Manager?

    Project Manager is a person who believes that 9 women can deliver a baby in one month.

  • Which is the month in which women talk the least?

    February... because it has the least number of days

  • How long have I got?

    Not long. Two, three months" casually places apple on desk "Ok, ok, six. Just get that out of here!"

  • How can this cop expect me to show him my license when he took it away last month?

    What an Idiot.

  • How do you get a date on Tinder?

    Seriously guys, I've been trying for months so if anyone have any useful tips it would be much appreciated.

  • Why are YOU afraid?

    Doc: I'm not Me: You said you were Doc: I lied. You got a month. HAPPY NOW

  • Why was Adele's phone bill $500 this month?

    She must have called a 1,000 times

  • What's the best time of this month for vampires?

    It depends on the girl

  • What gift do you want?

    HUSBAND: "An English girl." After a month, wife returns.. HUSBAND: "Where is my gift " WIFE: "Wait for nine months!"

  • What are a gorilla's favorite months?

    Ape-ril and Bananuary

  • Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

    Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months? Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.

  • What's a holocaust denier's favorite month?


  • Why do blacks make good athletes?

    They spent the first nine months of their lives dodging hangers.

  • What does December have that other months dont have?

    The letter D.

  • What do women and werewolves have in common?

    Offensive) They both go berserk once every month.

  • What did the lesbian-vampire say to her girlfriend?

    See ya next month.

  • What did the doctor say to the cancer patient?

    You have tumor months to live.