Agree Jokes

Why does everyone agree when you judge someone's voice?

Because you make sound judgement.

No Pun Intended (The Last of Us Joke Books)

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What's the biggest lie of the Universe?

I Have Read and Agree to the Terms of Service."

What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?

I guess we're just on different ends of the spectrum.

What do terrorists and the American government have in common?

They both blow up people who don't agree with them.

What would happen if the Illuminati and Half-Life 3 agreed with each other?

Illuminati and Half-Life 3 conformed.

What can both Christians and Atheists agree on about Jesus?

Kanye's not him.

What's the only thing the English and French agree on?

Americans. Alternatives: What's the only thing Americans and the French agree on? The English. What's the only thing the English and Americans agree on? The French.

What do 9 out of 10 people agree on?

A gangbang

This joke may have profanity.

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

How do pirates agree with each other over long distances?

With their aye-phones.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

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What did Daredevil say after begrudgingly agreeing with The Punisher's brutally honest opinion that he's just a half-measure?

You're such a Frank Castle."

What did the nudist criminal say when he agreed to a criminal plan?

I'm in, but I'm not decent."

Why can't there ever be peace in the Middle East?

We can't even get FIVE DENTISTS to agree on a toothpaste. That's why.

When do men insist that women are illogical?

When a woman doesn't agree with them.

Why buy expensive fireworks when you can make your own with ordinary household chemicals?

I said, and the other patients in the ER agreed.

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Gym Membership Jokes More Gym Membership Jokes

Why are gym memberships illegal?

Because of the Free Exercise Clause.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What is the definition of a Freudian slip?

when you say one thing and mean a mother. Don't remember where I heard it. Haven't read it here yet.

What is one thing that both Australians &amp Americans share the same view on?

1961

Debate Jokes More Debate Jokes

Who Loves Debates?

De fishes

Why did the Scarecrow lose the debate?

All he had was a straw-man argument."

Universe Jokes More Universe Jokes

Why does the universe expand?

All the Milky Ways. You get it.

Why did Steve Harvey announce Miss Colombia as the Miss Universe winner?

Because he couldn't pronounce Miss Philippines.

Kanye Jokes More Kanye Jokes

How do I know Kim and Kanye's daughter is going to be smart?

Because she already has 315 degrees.

What do you say when Kanye West does something that annoys you?

Kanye not.

Violet Jokes More Violet Jokes

What do you find at an end of the rainbow?

Violet

What do you get if you cross a bunch of flowers with a burglar ?

Robbery with violets !

Christians Jokes More Christians Jokes

Why do Christians like Swiss cheese?

It's holey.

Why do christians burn fossil fuels?

They're trying to destroy the evidence.

Help Jokes More Help Jokes

How are you going to pay the Chihuahua who helped you to set up your computer?

With dog diskettes!

What do you call a cowboy who helps out in a school ?

The deputy head !