Arrive Jokes

Why is Gandalf so good in bed?

Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

The Ultimate Dad Joke Book: 501 Hilarious Puns, Funny One Liners and Clean Cheesy Dad Jokes for Kids (Gifts for Dad)

Paperback

What room is it?

When you arrive at the international airport you are American. There is a room that changes your nationality. When you enter this room you are Russian, when you leave this room you are Finnish, and while inside European. What room is it?

What did the Mexican do when he arrived in America?

removed

When does Sean Connery usually arrive at Wimbledon?

Tennish.

What did the muslim man say when he arrived at his resort in Hawaii?

Aloha Snackbar!

What do you call that feeling when the bus finally arrives?

a peasantfeeling

What did the Ohioan Satanist say when he arrived to cult?

Ohio Satan!"

Why do they name all hurricanes after women?

Because when they arrive they are wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car

What did the dyslexic traveller say when he arrived at an unknown station?

Whoops, wrong sub.

What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

Tennish

How many successive 'ands' can you fit into a sentence with it still making sense?

The landlord at The Dog And Duck pub needed a new sign to hang above the door, so he contacted his signwriter. The signwriter arrived a week later with the new sign, hung it above the door, and asked the landlord what he thought. The landlord replied with, "I like it. However, I do feel that there should be bigger spaces between ' ' and ' ', and ' ' and ' '".

Star Wars: Dad Jokes: The Best Worst Jokes and Puns from a Galaxy Far, Far Away . . . .

Hardcover

What did Joan Rivers say to God when she arrived?

Get a new robe!

What does the atheist say when he arrives at the Pearly Gates?

I'll be goddamned.

What does a member of the British Royal Family say when they are reaching climax?

I"m arriving, I'm arriving."

What did the cannibal get when he arrived late for dinner?

The cold shoulder!

What's the difference between a train and SONY?

When the train announces an arriving "Station", you can see it.

What does a british man say when he's about to climax?

I'm arriving

What did the late arriving cannibal receive at the dinner party?

The cold shoulder.

Why was no at the Premature Ejaculaters' support group when I arrived?

I came early.

Why did the letter arrive wet?

Because it had postage dew.

What time do you get up in the morning ?

About an hour and a half after I arrived at school

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes: So frightfully awful.. yet wonderfully spiffing

Paperback

What does CHAOS stand for?

A. The Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene.

What did the one explorer say to the other when they arrived in Northern Canada?

Eh, you take this one. I don't want Nunavut. PS: I realize it's a double negative.

What do Congressional Republicans and ISIS in Afghanistan have in common?

Their first act since arriving was to go after the elderly.

Why are hurricanes named after women?

Because they arrive wet and wild then leave with your house and car

What did the carrot say when the last vegetable arrived at the party?

TURNIP

What did the overly excited gardener do when spring arrived?

He wet his plants.

When did John McEnroe arrive at Wimbledon?

About tennish.

Why do blondes always die before help arrives?

A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

What do you call an Arab who just arrived -Amir The next one?

Amir Azwal The next -Amir Azwal Azim

What did the hipster astronaut say when his space mission arrived at the Sun?

Not cool.

101 Tear-Off Lunchbox Notes with Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids, Funny Inspirational Encouragement for Kids, Space to Write Personal Message

Paperback

What does a gang member do when he arrives at work first thing in the morning?

He Glocks in

What did the blind man say when he arrived at the fish market?

Hello, ladies."

Why do we live in a society where pizza arrives faster than police do?

Because the pizza guy has consequences for not doing his job correctly. "Oh damn, shots fired!" But not by the pizza guy.

The punchline often arrives before the set-up.

Do you know the problem with UDP jokes?

You might also enjoy:

Reach Jokes More Reach Jokes

Why can't you hear a viola on a digital recording?

A: Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.

What does a member of the British Royal Family say when they are reaching climax?

I"m arriving, I'm arriving."

Russian Jokes More Russian Jokes

Where do you send bad Russian cows?

The Moolag

Why are Russians such bad pilots?

Because they're always Stalin. Thank you, good night.

European Jokes More European Jokes

What happened when the bankrupt eastern european jumped off a building?

The Czech bounced.

How can you tell if a Redditor is European?

Don't worry, he'll tell you

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many Steam employees does it take to change a light bulb?

Honestly Im not sure, they havent got back to me yet. It's been 3 weeks.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.

Muslim Jokes More Muslim Jokes

What do Muslim gamers say at the start of Ramadan?

Gotta go fast!"

What do you call a Muslim cowboy?

Dirty hairy.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What do women and stones have in common?

You skip the flat ones.

What do you call a woman that is beautiful and smart?

An actress.

Aloha Snackbar Jokes More Aloha Snackbar Jokes

What did the hungry terrorist say when he went on a vacation to Hawaii?

ALOHA SNACKBAR***

What did the Hawaiian man say when he say the buffet?

Aloha Snackbar

Nationality Jokes More Nationality Jokes

What are their nationalities?

Russian and Finnish!

What room is it?

When you arrive at the international airport you are American. There is a room that changes your nationality. When you enter this room you are Russian, when you leave this room you are Finnish, and while inside European. What room is it?